Hi OP -- I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to put in my two cents about the bearhug technique, coming from a different perspective. It startles and confuses me to see it described as abusive.
I was a kid with serious temper problems. When I got violent towards my parents, they did the bearhug thing with me, using their bodies to wrap around me in such a way that my limbs were contained and I could no longer lash out. They didn't try to talk to me or engage me at all because I was too far gone. They just remained calm and neutral and solid. I'd struggle for a long time but eventually gave up. Sometimes as I started to relax my mom would put a cool wet washcloth on my forehead.
The reason I mention this is that it's actually one of my strongest memories from childhood, and the way I remember it is a feeling of being completely safe and loved and relieved. I did not have the emotional resources to bring myself back from the brink once a tantrum began to escalate. I really needed my parents to help me find my way back to calm. I'm so grateful they could do that for me.
Obviously it won't work while you are still feeling physically tender. And as some PPs have mentioned, it may not be an effective approach with all kids -- surely there are some who need space to work things out on their own. But based on my own experience I do believe that it's worth a try.
I wanted to second this comment. The bear hug techniques works wonderfully with my daughter when she has a tantrum. It doesn't happen often, but when it does I just wrap her up tightly in my arms, holding her arms down in the process, and talk soothingly to her until she calms down. It almost always ends with her moving from screaming, to sobbing gently, to hugging me back. I tell her I love her and she usually says it back, then she's calm enough to talk about what happened. I actually see it as a very loving and kind way to deal with a child whose emotions have gotten away from them.