What do you say to parents of public schoolers when they ask why you're homeschooling?

[liliaceae]

Now that my son is almost 5 and eligible for kindergarten this fall, I've been having a lot of people (mostly strangers I'm chatting with) asking me if he's going to school this year. Usually, if it's someone I'll never see again, I just lie and say yes .

So I need to prepare an answer to the inevitable questions that will come up when I tell people we're homeschooling. The thing is, my reasons for homeschooling mostly have to do with my dislike of almost every aspect of public schooling, so I can't exactly say that to parents of public schoolers.

What is a diplomatic answer to the question, "Why are you homeschooling?" that will actually satisfy people's curiosity? I don't want to just say, "It's right for our family," I want to give a real answer without offending.

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by liliaceae 

Now that my son is almost 5 and eligible for kindergarten this fall, I've been having a lot of people (mostly strangers I'm chatting with) asking me if he's going to school this year. Usually, if it's someone I'll never see again, I just lie and say yes .

 

Lie if you want to.  I do not lie, but I have been evasive.

So I need to prepare an answer to the inevitable questions that will come up when I tell people we're homeschooling. The thing is, my reasons for homeschooling mostly have to do with my dislike of almost every aspect of public schooling, so I can't exactly say that to parents of public schoolers.

 

Do not buy trouble.  You may not have many questions.  I have HSed for a long time and I am rarely questioned.  I would not share with public schoolers your dislike of school.  The only way I would do this would be if they were getting really rude and  I was feeling twitchy.

What is a diplomatic answer to the question, "Why are you homeschooling?" that will actually satisfy people's curiosity? I don't want to just say, "It's right for our family," I want to give a real answer without offending.

 

Honestly, I think saying "I have researched it and think it is the best for my family at this point" is a lovely go-to answer.  If they get snarky you can argue if you feel like it or blow them off.  If they want more information because they are genuinely interested then you can engage in a deeper discussion.    

 

HTH

 

Kathy

[eli's mama]

Hi there!  

I was just wondering why it's not offensive that someone would say "why" when you tell them you're HSing?

I'm in a bit of a different situation, ds1 is in public school but isn't going back next year (will we see you on Mondays?)  And we've not been shy about letting people know we won't be back.  A lot of people are offended at just the idea that I wouldn't be sending him back.  One mother said today that I was going to be arrested!  Clearly they don't know what they are saying.  

Anyway to your question I think I will say that we really like the freedom of HS, of setting out own schedule and learning at our own pace etc...

[MommaCrystal]

My answer... "This just works really well for my family."

[Tjej]

I think you should try to think about what you expect to like about homeschooling, and answer with those positive things as reasons. 

I also think that if you are only homeschooling because you dislike public school you are going to be starting off on a negative note.  Find good things about homeschooling and make them your reasons, if you don't have them already.

Tjej

[Stacey B]

Ds is going to be 5 this summer, but he already tells people we're homeschooling. When people ask me why I tell them that there is just too much interesting things to learn and do that we don't have time for school. Pretty everyone who I've said that either thinks we're crazy or that it's a good idea. The only other thing I've gotten is the "S" word, and I reply we're always out with other people. Of course, as he gets bigger I assume the questions will come more often.

[liliaceae]

Oh, I definitely think there are many great things about homeschooling; it's just that every positive thing I say about it could imply something negative about public schooling. I guess there really isn't anything you could say that wouldn't offend someone if they're taking it personally.

And I'm thinking more about people who are genuinely curious about homeschooling and my reasons for it, not people who are trying to challenge my decision (I don't really care if I offend those people. ).

(Hi eli's mama! Not sure if we're doing Mondays yet.)

[2xy]

My kids are 19 and almost 16, and I've been questioned a lot. But I think that's because I've always WOTH, and we've moved plenty of times, so I'm always meeting new people.

My first response, after many years of answering. the. same. questions.....is "Why do you ask?" The answer you get from the individual will give you an indication of whether they're truly curious or just looking to judge you. If they seem judgy, I ask them why they send their kids to school. Usually, after a bit of banter, they figure out that the reasons you homeschool are similar to the reasons they send their kids to school....because you think it's best for your kid.

If they're curious, I usually start with "We enjoy the freedom," and take it from there. Because that's the truth.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by liliaceae 



What is a diplomatic answer to the question, "Why are you homeschooling?"

We have been asked this question a lot by complete strangers.  Around here, it's usually, "Where do your kids go to school?"  I then say, "Well, actually we home school."  Usually there aren't further questions, but sometimes I'll offer up more of an explanation if I feel like it's a mom I want to chat with and not end it abruptly.  What I usually say is, "Well, we did attend school, but we just found it wasn't working out for us specifically.  Now that we home school, we really enjoy the freedom, the time together, the different approach to learning.  We find it's more fun to learn together!"  I say be proud of it!  It's a choice you made, and the more confident and happy you are in it, the less likely you are to get further questioning, in my experience. 

[Savoir Faire]

I just tell people we like going on vacation during the off-season. That's as much of a reason they're going to get out of me :)

[pigpokey]

A lot of people, if they are asking they want to hear it, you know?

[AllyRae]

I just say "it was the best fit for our children".  And it's true...2 of my children have social/behavior/emotional needs and one has a medical need that makes school a bit more of a challenge than homeschooling would be.  I believe that homeschooling is not always the best fit for the child, private school is not always the best fit, and public school is not always the best fit...it depends on the children, the parents, and the school.  Most of my public school friends think I'm insane for not putting my kids in school so I can get a break during the day, and I think that the public schools could not meet my children's educational and special needs well, so my friends and I have a mutual understanding that we've all made the decision that was best for our own children. :)  I think as long as you don't flat out say "well, the public schools suck and are mind numbing personality stealing tools of the man" most people aren't going to be offended by your school choice.  Basically, respect their choices, don't be insulting, and chances are, they'll be fine with your explanation.

[AllyRae]

Also, I just noticed your children's ages.  At this age, most people are asking if your child is going to school, because preschool is considered a milestone.  We get asked that all the time about our 4 year old, and I just say "we homeschool her" and people usually just say "oh, that's cool".  Homeschool for preschool seems to be a pretty accepted practice, especially with stay at home moms, so it doesn't even raise the "whoa, alternative lifestyle!" flags.  Even many people who will use public schools homeschool for preschool.

[Attila the Honey]

When people ask "why?" I usually say something like, "Oh we just love it!".  It doesn't really answer the question, but it usually shuts them up.  Or, I say something about how we like to sleep in or how I would miss dd too much if she were in school.  I am sure people think I am a real nut, but who cares? :)  (For the record, I have many reasons to homeschool, but I don't want to invite debate!)

[2xy]

Originally Posted by AllyRae 

Also, I just noticed your children's ages.  At this age, most people are asking if your child is going to school, because preschool is considered a milestone.  We get asked that all the time about our 4 year old, and I just say "we homeschool her" and people usually just say "oh, that's cool".  Homeschool for preschool seems to be a pretty accepted practice, especially with stay at home moms, so it doesn't even raise the "whoa, alternative lifestyle!" flags.  Even many people who will use public schools homeschool for preschool.

I suppose this is true nowadays. I don't recall anyone asking me if my kids were going to preschool. Even before we were turned on to homeschooling, I never planned on sending them to preschool.

[heatherdeg]

We're new to an area where the community is FULL of ps'd kids so when we get him involved in sports or something, I can either befriend a ps mom or be by myself (which to be honest, get's old).  So I've been skimming this list, too, because I've been struggling not to make myself (and my kid) a complete outcast.  They're clearly a little judgy and we're obviously not going to be tight; but I don't want to NOT be able to chat with the moms about resources in the area, etc.

I think I've managed so far with the laundry list of seemingly "acceptable" reasons to keep mine home, but then it's followed up with "Well, are you EVER going to send him to school?" (as if it's okay because of the reasons I list, but those might eventually disappear and therefore my perceived NEED to hs will disappear) to which I currently respond "It really depends.  I don't really know."

It's a tough spot to be in.  Frankly, I've never NOT had questions--both before the move and after and mine is 7yo.  So I don't know that it will ever die.  But I like putting it back on them (if I don't care if we're every friendly) by asking them "Why?"  It's pretty much how I handle the socialization question (I ask them "What do you mean, exactly?"  ;)  ).

[SweetSilver]

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE ASKING THESE QUESTIONS?  Total strangers get the polite smile, the sugar-coated, vague remark, then "we've gotta get to gymnastics lessons.  Bye!"  (Though, more often, the girls bombard their ears with all that they are doing, all the names of all their toys, and all the names of all the farm animals they are ever going to own and their heads are so full of bubblygirltalk they have no choice but to be charmed.  Put under a spell, is more like it.  I imagine they get home, the magic spell fades and realize their question was never answered!)

     Family, friends get a more truthful answer, and while I keep it positive, I am on safe ground if I think I could drop the critical line or two about school.  My favorite?:

      "Schools are limited by the need to teach so many kids all at once.  There is a need to keep kids on the same schedule, the same track whether it is beneficial to the individual child or not.  Teachers and classrooms are pushed to their limit, and now they have the added burden of increased testing and a future of larger class sizes."

     What I like about that answer is 1) It's true!  2) It doesn't put the "bad guy" label on the schools or the teachers, even if deep inside we might feel that schools are indeed the "bad guy".

My other answer, which is true, is that since DH is a gardener by profession and works 7 days a week from April through September (alright, that's a wee little lie, but some months are like that) we would have no time for trips or family outings if as soon as his schedule eases up the kids go back to school.

[wildmonkeys]

Hi - I have been on here before and we have both ps'ed and hs'ed. I have asked many of the questions listed here because if it seems like my kid likes a kid and they live nearby and we do plan to use the public schools as it works...I am looking for "school friends" for my kids.  My kids have spent time at home (as it works for them) and time in ps (again, as it works for them) and I LOVE when I drop by to visit at lunch and they are sitting with kids who I know they they enjoy and who they have sought out themselves and share stories about...

Maybe, as pp mentioned, some of the questions are just an attempt to reach out in friendship (or make idle conversation...)

[wildmonkeys]

I mean honestly....not sure if I said this clearly enough...I think the questions are less about any judgement/perspectiove on hsing and more about looking for friends to travel through the school years with... it is not you it is them or it is not you it is me ---- this year ;)

[Lisa1970]

I have been home schooling 8 yrs (with a year off in the middle) and rarely have ever been asked why. If I get asked that, it is usually other home schoolers on the home school boards.