Getting ready to tell him I want a divorce, anything I should do 1st? Also looking for your...

[MrsJez]

I am interviewing for jobs, have a place secured. Have not met w a lawyer yet. Should I do that before I tell him? Should I make copies of important dovs,etc. 1st? Or can I do that while we're still living together?

I'm hoping to stay amicable, but I know these things can turn south quickly.

[bu's mama]

You seem to have been getting your ducks in a row.  I would *definitely* start gathering documents - even if you are living together, if he's that upset he may start removing things without you knowing.  I have one friend that was able to be upfront & work the details out, another whose husband was spiteful and stole & destroyed things.  Look here for a general list of things you will need. 

I would consult a lawyer first when time is more on your side, but if not you should be prepared that you may be calling one immediately after you tell him.  

Good luck on this path.

[doubledutch]

do everything you can ahead of time.  definitely talk to a lawyer first, get the documents, and if you have anything of sentimental or material value that you want to protect, move it somewhere else.  hopefully all of that preparation will be unnecessary, but it certainly doesn't hurt anything to do it ahead of time.

[AttunedMama]

Never tell someone you 'want' a divorce. Just file. "I want a divorce" is often interpreted as "Let's talk more about the relationship, and what I want!"

If you are decided that you are done, just do what you've got to do. Let the papers do the talking.

[floss&ferd]

We discussed it for a year or so.  Mainly with me saying "I don't think I can do this anymore," etc.

Finally, I just had to go file.  He didn't seem to take me seriously until then.

[Mom31]

BUILD A SUPPORT SYSTEM! even if you have been discussing divorce actually getting a divorce and raising kids alone is HARD.  Many things can happen you would never begin to believe.  Make sure you have friends family sitters in place to relieve you.  People you can lean on and listen to you. I left with no support and failed miserably.  I spent two years fighting custody.  I won but with great financial and emotional and now health issues to show for it.  Not to mention what the impact was on my children.  Hugs mama.  I dont regret leaving I do regret not having support in place.

[annekevdbroek]

Better to consult and lawyer too early than too late. I would definitely talk to one before you talk to him or do anything else.

Best wishes.

[2xy]

Make sure he can't clean out your bank account and leave you with nothing.

[NewMom0208]

Might sound silly, but the book "surviving divorce" for dummies was very useful

I read that first, I collected my questions and then consulted a lawyer.

I did my divorce pro se, paid lawyer for consultations only.

the lawyer recommended I delayed the word divorce, it makes them defensive.

We separated, and I started talking about "separation agreements" to cover money, the kid, belongings, debt, etc.

Protecting your money is paramount, and ensuring he cannot charge credit cards is prime too!

[MrsJez]

Wow - thank you for all of the words of advice and encouragement.

I told him I was thinking of a separation tonight. It didn't go over all that way. Ugh. This stuff just totally sucks. It makes me doubt whether or not I'm making the right decision. I feel like a horrible person for breaking his heart and for breaking up our family. This is awful.

[floss&ferd]

It took my stbx a few weeks to accept it.  In an odd way, actually filing seems to help.  After the first week, we have been trying to work out an agreement and it is going MUCH BETTER than I thought.  It's like he's trying to prove he is a responsible adult.  (Yes, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.)

He also quit sending me multiple guilt-inducing emails daily about how I was destroying him and the children.