I hope this is the right place to put this.
This is a wonderful community, so I was hoping for some wisdom. Thanks in advance.
What's happening now is that my sister & her husband are trying to win custody back from her mother-in-law (She won temporary).
Kids get out of school on Friday, Custody hearing is on Friday. Today is Wednesday, and they are supposed to be moving here Sat.
About a week ago the mother-in-law said she didn't want to fight for custody anymore, and would let them have the kids back.
Also for about a week, my sister has been promising my mom that her and her husband would go to a sober-living facility, and the children could stay with us. Now Tuesday night, she calls and reports that they won't have anywhere to stay, and that MIL says if we don't let my BIL live here, she won't let the kids come here, to California. Now my sister and her children are welcome here, her husband however has wore out his welcome.
We found out my sister was abusing meth in Oct.2010. Her husband insisted only she was using, and that he needed our help to get her into rehab. Under this, her and her husband, and her four young children moved in with my mom & I. She was supposed to go to rehab immediatly after moving in. Long story short, she didn't, then she tried and quit. During this time living with us, she left all the time, he slept all the time, and I was watching the children. One time he was watching kids, barely, and I took a short (20min) shower, when I got out I found him asleep, and one child in the house. The three others were outside in the street! I was pissed. And embaressed too! He lied about having guns & bullets in the house, something we made clear we would not tolerate. After we found cases of bullets,I asked him if he was using too, and he said yes. He admitted coming into our home high on meth. So we let him know he was not welcome. My sister and the children continued to stay at my house this was until she let him have all the children because he was supposed to have Thanksgiving with them at his FIL's house. Instead he left the state. My sister never reported them kidnapped, and he said she said he could take them. They were both still using. Eventually my sister left to go up there to be with them, and as of now, claims to be clean, but she has lied so much.
So we have dealt with a lot of pain trying to be supportive and get her off drugs. But now we feel like it's "Take my son in, or else you don't get to see your grandchildren". We don't like being threatened, and I don't like feeling like the children are bargaining chips for him to gain entry into our house again. Also I should mention that just 9-6months ago she wanted a divorce, felt like he was stalking her (which he was), and proudly had boyfriends. Also, he left her several times in their years of marriage, one time stealing their family car for months. So as much as my mom and I love, and want to see these children and also provide a stable home for them, we don't want him living here.
I am highly stressed because of all this. I am not sure that my mom & I can deal with two supposedly recovering addicts, and the children also. My mom's biggest fear is that they will relapse while here, while to me, that's a reality. Like while my mom is scared it might happen, I feel sure that it will, I mean it's meth. Also we apparently need the children to live in this state for at least six months, for custody. With their father saying they can't stay anywhere he can't, I just don't know the best way to handle all this. We want to work something out, but I don't see a way to. And their threats of "He needs to stay there or else the children aren't leaving", make me feel like, "Well I guess they're not coming then". But then that sucks, because I miss them so much, and plus they don't want to live at that grandma's, they've said they want to live here. /sigh
Thanks for reading. What would you do?