Originally Posted by Katwoman
While you might not have said "clearly beenmum, you've never had a mother that's done x, y, z. So you know nothing about a toxic parent" You're 1st post clearly points to her and tries to explain a toxic parent background. Which does imply that you believe she's had no experience with the issue. Her response was to say, I've had a toxic background parent and I see things differently.
Well, no. That is a real twist on what I said and pretty imaginative. You can read into things as much as you want, as can beenmum, but my point was to explain MY background and how it related to OP's (possibly) and how that can change reactions in certain situations. There has been a real lack of empathy in this thread by a couple posters in regards to what OP has dealt with from her mom, and I was trying to explain why OP's behavior may have seemed irrational and overboard, but wasn't in light of her history with her mother. That has nothing to do with beenmum other than the fact that she was one of the people harping on OP for being "wrong."
The whole idea that everyone has to be wrong, take responsibility, and essentially compromise in this situation with granny is unhealthy. There is all this talk about disciplining a four year old, and that is just great, but OP never had the chance because granny stepped in completely inappropriately before anything could be done. Nobody knows how OP would have handled her child's behavior if she hadn't had the opportunity stolen from her. Not only that, but disciplining this kid at this particular time would have also just reinforced that granny's behavior was appropriate, which it wasn't. If I give someone a mean look and they come up and smack me for it, yeah, I shouldn't have given them a mean look, but now the fact that they smacked me makes the mean look seem unimportant. OP and her son's actions pale in comparison to granny's behavior. If it were me, I wouldn't have been happy I had acted that way, nor would I have been pleased that my son had been rude. I would absolutely seek to work on his manners and my own reactions. But I'd also cut myself an ounce of slack considering the circumstances and realize it was also a sign that the relationship needed to be dialed down or cut off. And I sure wouldn't expect to come on MDC looking for a tiny bit of support and be told I should apologize by people who supposedly understand the nature of toxic family members...