or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Too skimpy clothes? Or others should not look? Paranoia?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Too skimpy clothes? Or others should not look? Paranoia?

post #1 of 140
Thread Starter 

My neice, who is 14 yrs old, wears skimpy clothes. Recently, when at a relatives pool, her swim suit was so skimpy, honestly, I do not think I have seen one so skimpy any place I have gone, which includes public pools and beaches and such. It was strapless completely, but was sort of like a string bikini, with no strap, and was barely staying on, and barely covered. The bottoms did not cover much either. She kept having to adjust her top over and over again as it was not covering much of anything and seemed to be not quite fitted right either. It did not cover her chestal area, so there was...ummm...well..definition even below the top and above. As in, the fabric was maybe 3 inches wide? That is a complete guess. But, it was very skimpy. But, I know how my sister is, no point in saying anything, my sister bought it for her and thinks it is great. My sister is very very focused on her girls being popular and is willing to do what it takes to get them popular.

 

SO, the point of this post. My sister calls me, Apparently, my niece and one of her friends were at a public pool. They saw an older man there, who seemed to take some pictures with his cell phone. They decided that he MIGHT have taken pictures of them (even though they never saw him do it) and called the police. The police came out and questioned the man and my niece and her friend. Turned out, the guy was a grandpa there with his grandchildren. He did have a couple pictures on his camera...of his own grandchildren. My niece and her friends were not even in the background.

 

I actually did point out to my sister that if niece is dressed in such a way that she gets so upset at the idea that someone has a camera in public place and she might have ended up in one of the pictures, then maybe she should re-examine what she is wearing that makes her feel so worried about being caught in a picture. My sister said they thought that the guy was taking pictures of their rears and breasts. Ok..the guy did not even have a single picture on his camera with them in the background, but these girls, dressed like this (that is how niece was dressed, do not know how her friend was dressed) just assumed if he had a camera, it must have been for pictures of them. So apparently, Grandfathers cannot take their grandchildren out and take pictures of their own grandchildren because teenagers barely covered are worried about their pictures being taken? My sister just kept saying they have the right to wear swimsuits. In the course of the conversation, she said she would not have minded if it had been a teenaged boy taking pictures. I pointed out to her that if she thinks they are dressed so seductive that they are this scared of someone just having a camera out in public, then maybe they should not wear this sort of thing out in public. But my sister just keeps saying they have the right to wear whatever they want, but the grandpa should not have the right to have a camera there where someone like her daughter could end up in the picture. I think grandpa should have the right to take his own grandchildren to the pool and take pictures of his own grandchildren. 

 

What do you think?

 

 

 

 

post #2 of 140

I agree with you. But my line of thinking is if you dress like you work the corner then you can expect to be treated like such. I believe a person can dress sexy whatever without actually dressing like they work the corner. Its a huge conversation that DH and I have. Now that we have DD he notices the way younger people dress now and he is just disgusted that parents would allow their kids out like that when the fact is there are perverts out there and while the child/teen may be innocent the first impression always sticks and it sends the wrong message. 

Sadly him and I go round and round and she isn't even a year old yet because IMO his thinking is way overboard where as I am more relaxed but I think there is a huge difference between class and well trash. 

post #3 of 140
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

 

But my sister just keeps saying they have the right to wear whatever they want, but the grandpa should not have the right to have a camera there where someone like her daughter could end up in the picture. I think grandpa should have the right to take his own grandchildren to the pool and take pictures of his own grandchildren. 

 

I also agree with you and the poster above me.

 

Sure, your niece has the right to wear a bandaid as a swimsuit. She also will have the right to pick her nose in traffic. Either way, people will look and talk about her. She'd better get used to it.
 

 

post #4 of 140

I feel bad for the grandpa.  I wonder if the teen girls were expecting/hoping to receive a bunch of attention, and so they automatically wrongly assumed that the old man was photographing them? 

post #5 of 140

Ok, while I feel bad for the grandfather, I don't think that "if you don't want people looking/taking pictures of you, you should cover up" is the way to deal with it. Hostly, I don't really agree with cameras at the public pool just because you can never tell who the parents/grandparents are and who the people trying to take pictures of kids/people in swimsuits are. Your niece is not responsible for other peoples behaviour, she is apparently responsible enough to tell someone if something feels off to her whether she's right about it or not. I have to ask though, what is she going to do next time something seems off and she has previously been told "well if you don't want that kind of attention, do wear revealing things"? Especially at a pool, where most people are, by definition, wearing revealing things whether it is a one piece or two.

post #6 of 140

The law says that anyone can take pictures of anything on public property. Don't like it? Swim at a private pool.

post #7 of 140
I don't think the actual issue is that your niece is in skimpy clothes. The issue is that she thinks every old guy with a camera is a pervert. Her and her friend thought they were such hot stuff that they assumed that the poor grandpa was taking photos of them with no evidence other than he happened to have a camera. Shame on them for their drama-inducing Behavior
post #8 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by prone_to_wander View Post

I don't think the actual issue is that your niece is in skimpy clothes. The issue is that she thinks every old guy with a camera is a pervert. Her and her friend thought they were such hot stuff that they assumed that the poor grandpa was taking photos of them with no evidence other than he happened to have a camera. Shame on them for their drama-inducing Behavior


exactly. and it would have been okay if it had been a younger guy?? what confused.gif

post #9 of 140

Is your sister aware of things that got posted on sites by "young boys" (and girls) today? Has she heard of the pronographic sister site of youtube? she may not think it is so ok then when a young boy films her kid. Cuz I hate to break to her but its not just the older guys who are pervs.

 

It can be pretty ungly when a humilating video of you gets passed  around school via the internet.

post #10 of 140

It is also pretty ugly that I can't edit my spelling errors. Sorry. pornographic and ugly.

post #11 of 140

It's some of each, I think. I have a 17yo daughter. And yes, she wears skimpy swim suits. That fit. Does she attract attention? Of course she does. I also remember being her age, going to the beach and wearing a skimpy bikini. Sometimes it's from young men, sometimes it's older men... sometimes it's women. Some approve, some don't. And yes, some are a bit creepy. But I suspect they'd be creepy even if she was covered up. However, she also wouldn't freak out and assume the guy with the cell phone taking photos of her.

 

Your niece likely attracts more attention from the fact that her suit doesn't fit and she has to keep adjusting it than from the fact that it's skimpy.

post #12 of 140
Teenage girls in bathing suits attract attention, no matter how modest (or not) the bathing suits.

The issue is the idea that people aren't allowed to bring cameras places to take photos because people are afraid they might take other photos.
post #13 of 140

 

Quote:
I think grandpa should have the right to take his own grandchildren to the pool and take pictures of his own grandchildren. 

 

Absolutely. He shouldn't have to worry about people calling the police. Sheesh.

post #14 of 140

I  think people should probably not take pictures at a public pool because other people may freak out. However, I also think people should not call the police just because they think someone may have taken a picture of them in a public place in the clothing they have chosen to wear in public.
I think people who photograph children and teens in swim suits for sexual gratification will do so even if the suit isn't skimpy. It doesn't make it more okay if the suit is a one piece vs. a skimpy bikini.

I think people should wear what they want. They should also be fully prepared that some clothes attract more attention. It sounds like the girl is aware that her suit will attract attention and now needs to get over the idea that only teenagers will look at her or wear something she feels comfortable with even a grandfather looking at.

I think it is most odd that it would have been okay with your sister for a teenaged boy to take a picture but not an older man.

I think it is sad if your sister and niece equate popularity with wearing skimpy clothes.

I think it is too bad your niece is wearing something ill fitting that she has to adjust all the time. That doesn't sound very comfortable or fun at all.

 

post #15 of 140
Thread Starter 

My niece actually is exactly like that. I was having a hard time describing the attitude that goes on there. From the descriptions of what was going on, and from what i was seeing other times, she was acting very "silly" and flirty and loud and batty and whatever, and then got upset this man supposedly looked her way after she was bending over or something. She and her friend very specifically accused him of looking at their rears and chests (but they used different words for it) and my sister even admitted it would not have bothered her if it had been a teen boy gawking. But then the man, it turns out, was not gawking. No one at the pool backed up niece and her friends claims that he was doing anything but being at a pool with his grandchildren. And I have seen dramatics like this before. I just think if you are dressed so showy that you would call the police over something like that, then perhaps, you are dressed too showy.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by prone_to_wander View Post

I don't think the actual issue is that your niece is in skimpy clothes. The issue is that she thinks every old guy with a camera is a pervert. Her and her friend thought they were such hot stuff that they assumed that the poor grandpa was taking photos of them with no evidence other than he happened to have a camera. Shame on them for their drama-inducing Behavior


 

post #16 of 140

so if taking pictures of your family at a public pool is horrible then I suppose taking pictures of your family at a beach is horrible too?

I ask because we are surrounded by beaches and people like to take pics of their families having fun. I had never thought to think it was wrong for someone to take a picture at any public place...it's public.

I don't care what people want to wear and if someone wants to wear a skimpy outfit thats fine. If your boobs are falling out the side or top or bottom of said outfit, yeah people are gonna stare at you....me included because I'm gonna be thinking, "wow couldn't find something that actually fits?" Is that judgemental? Sure but that would be my thought. Why would someone wear something blatantly too small that shows a ton of skin unless they were trying to attract attention? Too small clothing isn't exactly comfortable or fun to wear IME. 

 

I also wouldn't assume an old guy taking pictures at a public pool was being a perv though, at no point was it said this guy was trying to HIDE his behavior like he was doing something wrong...The girl sounds full of herself, frankly.

post #17 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post

so if taking pictures of your family at a public pool is horrible then I suppose taking pictures of your family at a beach is horrible too?

I ask because we are surrounded by beaches and people like to take pics of their families having fun. I had never thought to think it was wrong for someone to take a picture at any public place...it's public.

I don't care what people want to wear and if someone wants to wear a skimpy outfit thats fine. If your boobs are falling out the side or top or bottom of said outfit, yeah people are gonna stare at you....me included because I'm gonna be thinking, "wow couldn't find something that actually fits?" Is that judgemental? Sure but that would be my thought. Why would someone wear something blatantly too small that shows a ton of skin unless they were trying to attract attention? Too small clothing isn't exactly comfortable or fun to wear IME. 

 

I also wouldn't assume an old guy taking pictures at a public pool was being a perv though, at no point was it said this guy was trying to HIDE his behavior like he was doing something wrong...The girl sounds full of herself, frankly.


She is fourteen.  She doesn't sound full of herself.  She sounds like she needs a sane adult to give her some guidance.  OP-- I think your sister should definitely be talking to her about her swimsuit/clothing choices and should definitely not encourage her to wear a suit that doesn't cover.  Does she realize she is making her daughter a target?  Not that it is right, but yeah, some perp is going to be more likely to take photos of her wherever if she's dressed like that versus another kid who isn't.  And clearly she isn't comfortable with it herself if she is worried some grandpa photoing his grandkids is trying to perp on her. 
 

 

post #18 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post




She is fourteen.  She doesn't sound full of herself.  She sounds like she needs a sane adult to give her some guidance.  OP-- I think your sister should definitely be talking to her about her swimsuit/clothing choices and should definitely not encourage her to wear a suit that doesn't cover.  Does she realize she is making her daughter a target?  Not that it is right, but yeah, some perp is going to be more likely to take photos of her wherever if she's dressed like that versus another kid who isn't.  And clearly she isn't comfortable with it herself if she is worried some grandpa photoing his grandkids is trying to perp on her. 
 

 


how is not full of yourself to assume a random person taking pictures at a public place is targeting you? I don't see someone with a camera out and assume he must be taking pics of me (regardless of age) just because I am in a bathing suit! I never thought that as a teen either. I actually don't know anyone IRL who has felt that way before.

Maybe the girl isn't full of herself she is just fully aware that her bathing suit is too small and is paranoid because of that, in which case I feel really bad for her and her mother needs to get a clue.

 

OP are you the same poster who had a thread a while back about this mom and her daughter's again and how obsessed with popularity the mom was and she wouldn't let your kid hang out with the girls or something? Or maybe another poster.

 

post #19 of 140
Thread Starter 

She actually is kind of full of herself. She is very pretty and knows it. She does not really have rules. She and my sister gave my daughter a very hard time when my daughter refused to wear a similar swim suit, telling her that unless she wears something like that, she will never have a boyfriend and then never get married. She is a very "flaunt it if you've got it" kind of person. Although, I do think that when someone acts this way, it is a huge sign of insecurity. My sister encourages this behavior.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post




She is fourteen.  She doesn't sound full of herself.  She sounds like she needs a sane adult to give her some guidance.  OP-- I think your sister should definitely be talking to her about her swimsuit/clothing choices and should definitely not encourage her to wear a suit that doesn't cover.  Does she realize she is making her daughter a target?  Not that it is right, but yeah, some perp is going to be more likely to take photos of her wherever if she's dressed like that versus another kid who isn't.  And clearly she isn't comfortable with it herself if she is worried some grandpa photoing his grandkids is trying to perp on her. 
 

 



 

post #20 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post




how is not full of yourself to assume a random person taking pictures at a public place is targeting you? I don't see someone with a camera out and assume he must be taking pics of me (regardless of age) just because I am in a bathing suit! I never thought that as a teen either. I actually don't know anyone IRL who has felt that way before.

Maybe the girl isn't full of herself she is just fully aware that her bathing suit is too small and is paranoid because of that, in which case I feel really bad for her and her mother needs to get a clue.

 

OP are you the same poster who had a thread a while back about this mom and her daughter's again and how obsessed with popularity the mom was and she wouldn't let your kid hang out with the girls or something? Or maybe another poster.

 



She is fourteen.  Again.  She has a lot of growing up to do.  And OP, I see you also just replied that your sister encourages the behavior.  How is she supposed to *learn* when her own mother is encouraging that sort of behavior?  I feel sorry for her and think we should judge children a little less harshly Ldavis--especially ones who clearly don't have someone explaining to them why you might not want to wear a swimsuit like that at age fourteen (the likes of which OP claims she hasn't even seen anywhere else....and I've seen some pretty skanky swimsuits...guessing she has too) at a public pool. 

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Too skimpy clothes? Or others should not look? Paranoia?