Too skimpy clothes? Or others should not look? Paranoia? - Page 7

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

I completely agree with you (for once ;)) MusicianDad.  It is truly unfortunate that this guy was pulled into this scenario if he wasn't doing anything inappropriate, and it sounds like he wasn't, but I think we also need to keep in mind that this sort of thing happens frequently enough that our daughters need to know that they can and should be heard if they're feeling creeped out. 

 

I believe I will teach my daughter if she is feeling creeped out by someone, anyone, she should call me immediately so I can remove her from the situation. I would not want my daughter calling the police (!) for something so frivolous. They were at a public pool, in a group, in broad daylight. Move across the pool and call someone to come get you. If the man was actually doing something...saying in appropriate things, making some sort of advance than that would be a different story. I would hope the girl apologized to that man for wrongly accusing him. 

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood 

I believe I will teach my daughter if she is feeling creeped out by someone, anyone, she should call me immediately so I can remove her from the situation. I would not want my daughter calling the police (!) for something so frivolous. They were at a public pool, in a group, in broad daylight. Move across the pool and call someone to come get you. If the man was actually doing something...saying in appropriate things, making some sort of advance than that would be a different story. I would hope the girl apologized to that man for wrongly accusing him. 

Really?  Because that does imply that your daughter does not have the judgement to determine whether or not she is in danger.  The fourteen year old in this situation appears to have made the wrong call, but my guess is the majority of fourteen year olds would make the right call.  And honestly, none of us know for sure that this guy wasn't taking photos and maybe emailed them quick and then deleted or whatever.  Chances are he was totally innocent but I think we're jumping to conclusions without actually knowing the kid or seeing the situation. 

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

Really?  Because that does imply that your daughter does not have the judgement to determine whether or not she is in danger.  The fourteen year old in this situation appears to have made the wrong call, but my guess is the majority of fourteen year olds would make the right call.  And honestly, none of us know for sure that this guy wasn't taking photos and maybe emailed them quick and then deleted or whatever.  Chances are he was totally innocent but I think we're jumping to conclusions without actually knowing the kid or seeing the situation. 

Well...my daughter is three so I can't say what her judgement will be like but I do recall myself as a teen and I made plenty of horrible judgement calls... I'm not saying I won't trust my daughter but I would hope she would use her head and not call the police over an unfounded suspicion of picture taking in a public pool and instead would call me or her dad to come and get her, removing her from the situation. 

[choli]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

Really?  Because that does imply that your daughter does not have the judgement to determine whether or not she is in danger.  The fourteen year old in this situation appears to have made the wrong call, but my guess is the majority of fourteen year olds would make the right call.  And honestly, none of us know for sure that this guy wasn't taking photos and maybe emailed them quick and then deleted or whatever.  Chances are he was totally innocent but I think we're jumping to conclusions without actually knowing the kid or seeing the situation. 

Even if he WAS taking pictures of her and emailing them, that is not against the law. She was in a public place, and anyone can take a picture in a public place. If this was not the case then the paparazzi would be out of business long ago.
 

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by choli 

Even if he WAS taking pictures of her and emailing them, that is not against the law. She was in a public place, and anyone can take a picture in a public place. If this was not the case then the paparazzi would be out of business long ago.

Would you be okay with a man taking photos of your kids at the pool in their swimsuits?  Sorry kids.  That guy snapping your photo as you bend over or adjust your suit...well, you're in a public place so deal with it. 

When I worked at a pool there were several times when the police were called because of weird men photoing/videotaping closeups of boobs and butts.  The police were most certainly interested.  I don't know the outcome but I am assuming if you're doing that it is a big red flag for other criminal behavior. 

[Linda on the move]

I have a 14 year old DD who spends a great deal of time in pools, some of it without me there. I would expect her to go straight to the lifeguard if she saw anyone behaving inappropriately.

[choli]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

Would you be okay with a man taking photos of your kids at the pool in their swimsuits?  Sorry kids.  That guy snapping your photo as you bend over or adjust your suit...well, you're in a public place so deal with it. 

When I worked at a pool there were several times when the police were called because of weird men photoing/videotaping closeups of boobs and butts.  The police were most certainly interested.  I don't know the outcome but I am assuming if you're doing that it is a big red flag for other criminal behavior. 

 Yes, I would be OK with it. The camera will not steal their souls.

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by choli 

 Yes, I would be OK with it. The camera will not steal their souls.

Well what if those photos end up on the internet? 

[choli]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

Well what if those photos end up on the internet? 

It wouldn't bother me - if I was ashamed of a bikini, I would not wear a bikini in public. Same for my girls. We don't wear or do things in public that we would have a problem with seeing on the internet.

[mammal_mama]

I definitely trust my daughters to know whether or not they are comfortable in a particular situation. In fact, if I think something would be great fun for one of my daughters but she says she would rather not do it, or go to a particular place, for any reason, I respect her feelings; I don't push my children into any situations where they're not comfortable. I also don't make them spend time with people who they're not comfortable with.

This doesn't mean that I encourage them to call the police every time they feel uncomfortable.

Children definitely need to know how to dial 911 so that they can contact the police/medical authorities in the event that a crisis occurrs where an adult is not available.

But, where an adult is available -- and if I'm sending my child somewhere on her own with a cell phone (I don't actually do that yet, but my girls are younger), you can bet that this means that either dh or I is accessible by phone -- to me, it just seems natural to use a parent as a sounding-board on how to handle uncomfortable situations. This wasn't a life and death emergency (obviously, if someone's bleeding profusely, you need to alert others around you, namely a lifeguard, as well as calling 911, rather than calling Mom or Dad who wouldn't be able to get there fast enough).

Children should absolutely be heard! I just tend to see a parent as the first logical choice of someone to turn to.

Also, about cases where my child's butt-cheek might get inadvertently exposed at the pool, and someone might snap a photo and post it on the Internet -- if my child isn't recognizable, I don't care. If my child IS regognizable, I'll alert the authorities. There are laws against publishing recognizable photos of children without parental permission.

But honestly, if I don't know about it, I don't know about it and what's the big deal? How does it affect us? I agree with Choli that it's not my actual child in that photo; her soul has not been stolen.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by choli 

It wouldn't bother me - if I was ashamed of a bikini, I would not wear a bikini in public. Same for my girls. We don't wear or do things in public that we would have a problem with seeing on the internet.

Finding out that photos of you as a child have been used as pornography is emotionally and psychologically damaging. If someone takes those photos and your girls grow up and find out that those photos have been shared by pedophiles for their enjoyment, it will have an impact on their life.

But then I am of the mind set that there really needs to be more regulation regarding the photography of strangers, particularly children, if only so people have some control over their 'image'.

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by choli 

It wouldn't bother me - if I was ashamed of a bikini, I would not wear a bikini in public. Same for my girls. We don't wear or do things in public that we would have a problem with seeing on the internet.

So if some creepy dudes are sitting at their computers getting "pleasure" out of seeing photos of your girls on the internet in their swimsuits...maybe closeups of their rear ends, you'd be cool with that?  You too 2xy? 

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

Finding out that photos of you as a child have been used as pornography is emotionally and psychologically damaging. If someone takes those photos and your girls grow up and find out that those photos have been shared by pedophiles for their enjoyment, it will have an impact on their life.

It would also have an impact on their lives if they were to see me being devoured by sharks, which is not likely to happen as we live in the Midwest (and it wouldn't even be that likely if we lived on the coast). The likelihood of one of my children's photos being used as porn AND her finding out about it seems about the same as that of me getting eaten by sharks AND my children seeing it...so I can't even imagine ever devoting any energy to worrying about it or, well, doing anything about it, really. There is just so much real life stuff to be dealing with.

Just as I wouldn't let a remote possibility of getting eaten by sharks prevent me from taking my family to enjoy the seaside should we ever get the opportunity, so I wouldn't let any fear of photos being used weirdly prevent families the world over from the joy of getting to take snapshots of their children, and grandchildren, enjoying the pool and other public places. We can't all afford to have our kids learn to swim in private places, ya know...
 

[mamazee]

I see this as a "trading security for liberty" issue. Do people have a right to take photos of their grandkids at a pool without being harassed? I think so. Do people have the right to wear skimpy bathing suits and assume no one will take their photos in a public place? I don't know about that. Might someone use photos they take in bad ways? Sure but pedophiles are weird and could be just as turned on by any photo of a kid. I can't spend my life worrying about what a pedophile might be turned on by. I'd rather have my kids dress in a way where they aren't worried about whether their photo is taken.

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

I see this as a "trading security for liberty" issue. Do people have a right to take photos of their grandkids at a pool without being harassed? I think so. Do people have the right to wear skimpy bathing suits and assume no one will take their photos in a public place? I don't know about that. Might someone use photos they take in bad ways? Sure but pedophiles are weird and could be just as turned on by any photo of a kid. I can't spend my life worrying about what a pedophile might be turned on by. I'd rather have my kids dress in a way where they aren't worried about whether their photo is taken.

Ditto.

[choli]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

So if some creepy dudes are sitting at their computers getting "pleasure" out of seeing photos of your girls on the internet in their swimsuits...maybe closeups of their rear ends, you'd be cool with that?  You too 2xy? 

Yes, I would, since we wouldn't know about it! And frankly, even if we did know about it, we also know that it does not affect us in any way. Just as if they are getting pleasure out of looking at my girls in real life it does not affect us in any way.
 

[2xy]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

So if some creepy dudes are sitting at their computers getting "pleasure" out of seeing photos of your girls on the internet in their swimsuits...maybe closeups of their rear ends, you'd be cool with that?  You too 2xy? 

How would I even know that it was happening?

If I don't want people to see my kids' rear-ends, maybe I should put them in less revealing clothing. I don't understand letting half your ass hang out and then complaining that people can see it.

Anyway, I hardly think that swimwear is pornographic. Some people think shoes are erotic. Should I hide my kids' feet?
 

[lovingmommyhood]

I think i'm just going to keep my kids locked in their rooms! I Sooo wish I could. Haha!

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by 2xy 

How would I even know that it was happening?

If I don't want people to see my kids' rear-ends, maybe I should put them in less revealing clothing. I don't understand letting half your ass hang out and then complaining that people can see it.

Anyway, I hardly think that swimwear is pornographic. Some people think shoes are erotic. Should I hide my kids' feet?
 

To each their own.... And I was just asking...

[2xy]

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

To each their own.... And I was just asking...

And I simply answered. What's the problem?