Worried Grandma in North Carolina:addiction to crack cocaine, 32 weeks pregnant

[azura]

I need answers to my questions asap.  My daughter is 20 yo and expecting her first baby soon.  She is 32 weeks.  Here is the problem...:  She was addicted to crack before she conceived.  She never believed she could ever even get pregnant because her periods had always been so irregular, she'd not used protection so often and never gotten pregnant before.  Anyway... she has not stopped using crack even up to this point.  The father of the baby totally rejected her upon learning of the pregnancy and wants nothing to do with the baby.  She was thrilled to find out she was pregnant and for the first 3-4 months really tried very hard to do everything right, took her vitamins... even long before she even got pregnant, because she had been sick and wanted to feel better.   She stopped smoking, but kept using marijuana and then it seemed like around 5 months, she went on a crack binge and has not stopped.  She will go for 3-4 days and not use, but then those same old bad people come around... (they will NOT leave her alone) and she leaves with them, only to come back home crying, sick, vomiting, tired both from the crack and her disappointment in herself.  We, her parents, are at a total loss as how to help her.  She absolutely FEARS her baby being taken away from her at the hospital.  She cannot top on the one hand, but wants her baby soooo much.

She also is A negative blood type and gets the Rhogam shot today and has sickle cell trait.  So cord blood will definitely be taken in the hospital.

I have studied and studied and studied on the internet and feel pretty informed about what the actual affects are on the fetus and outcomes for development during early and later childhood on kids exposed to crack cocaine in utero.  BUT... what I am not informed about is what the doctors and CPS do to young women who are addicted who test positive for marijuana and/or other drugs, such as crack cocaine.  Are the babies taken from the mother's at birth in the hospitals?  Why?  And what happens next?  Are the babies then placed in foster care to bond with strangers, leaving the mother out of the baby's life then?  What about we the grandparent's?

Isn't it possible that a young woman who badly needs help could go into treatment WITH her baby with her?  Is it really good for baby or Mom to separate them?  I don't get how that accomplishes anything good for family unity and preservation.

I would like to hear from folks on North Carolina CPS procedure should my daughter and/or her baby be reported to them.  I would also like to hear... what can we the grandparents be doing NOW to help her stop, to intervene.. if that's even possible.  I would also like to know if grandparent's here in NC can have the baby placed with them if she is ordered into rehab... which I and she KNOW she needs. 

I know she wants help and we have come very close to having her committed into rehab.  There have also been times when we have had her right inside an intake for drug rehab and then she refused to go in.   It has been a huge struggle and I need help, for her, for the baby and for our whole family, so that we do NOT LOSE our grandchild to strangers at birth.

Thanks for listening!

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by azura 

I know she wants help and we have come very close to having her committed into rehab.  

What's stopping you?  People don't just kick a crack addiction on their own.

[azura]

Originally Posted by Bokonon 

What's stopping you?  People don't just kick a crack addiction on their own.

Fear.  Afraid of the unknown.  Afraid of the drama when cops come to handcuff her and put her in the back of a police car like a criminal.  Afraid of the social stigma from our neighbors.  Afraid of her hating us and blaming us when her baby is taken away ANYWAY.  Afraid not to do it.

I have found a site that might be helpful and thinking of emailing a social worker for rehab programs for young women like my daughter and see if we can get help that way.   I totally understand that some on the outside looking in, do not get what we ..as her family.. are going through.  She is my only daughter out of 6 children...  It seriously is agonizing and I have posted our situation for help, not condemnation..  That is... help to go ahead and have her committed by an order of the court.  But, doing so means.... cops, handcuffs and her incarcerated behind bars until a hearing for the Judge to commit her into rehab,  THIS process... brings me to my knees.  But, I know that we must act and soon in order to give her and her baby a chance.

[earth-mama]

I don't know about North Carolina CPS procedures, but they are probably similar to the state I live in.  Here CPS would be very likely to remove the baby from the mom's custody upon birth, if the baby tests positive for cocaine--usually done with the meconium.  Here they would look to placing the child with family, so you would be an excellent option.  There is also the possibility of mom baby staying with you together.  The bonding thing is difficult when a newborn has to be removed.  CPS recognizes this, but often views the risks to the baby (mom going through binges=not being is a state of mind to appropriately care for the baby) as a risk that could result in severe injury or death of a newborn.  

If you can get her into rehab now, either voluntarily or not.  If she is clean when the baby is born then there won't be any reason for the baby to be removed from her custody.  

[pinky]

Where are you located?  UNC in Chapel Hill has an excellent program specifically for pregnant women and mothers with substance abuse problems, with both outpatient and residential programs.

http://www.med.unc.edu/obgyn/centers/unc-horizons-program/overview

Certainly getting treatment now will go a long way in being able to keep her baby.

[azura]

Thank you for the above replies.  I don't think she will be willing to do this voluntarily.  And I have to find the courage to go to the magistrate.  My husband does not want to do it, commit her into rehab, I mean.  He says he cannot bring himself to watching her be handcuffed and put in jail while we wait for a Judge to decide her fate. 

I've told her today to try and keep the image of an empty carseat on the way home from the hospital in her mind, when she has the urge to go out and use.  But, that isn't going to work.  She has never had a baby before, so she does not know the experience of giving birth and falling in love with your baby right after.  By then, it will be too late. 

[kama'aina mama]

Someone needs to help that baby.  It looks like the only person remotely available to do that is you.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but you have to do this.  I think you know that, deep down inside.  The program pinky linked looks great.  Maybe you could call them and ask if they take involuntary commitments?  Please, please do something. 

[SubliminalDarkness]

Originally Posted by azura 

Thank you for the above replies.  I don't think she will be willing to do this voluntarily.  And I have to find the courage to go to the magistrate.  My husband does not want to do it, commit her into rehab, I mean.  He says he cannot bring himself to watching her be handcuffed and put in jail while we wait for a Judge to decide her fate. 

I've told her today to try and keep the image of an empty carseat on the way home from the hospital in her mind, when she has the urge to go out and use.  But, that isn't going to work.  She has never had a baby before, so she does not know the experience of giving birth and falling in love with your baby right after.  By then, it will be too late. 

How does your husband feel about watching his grandchild born addicted to crack cocaine? And then withdrawing from it? Having your daughter arrested would at least give the baby SOME protection. 

[wills_mom]

From what you have posted, your grandchild is going to be born addicted to crack and is going to be in for a rough NICU stay. I think if you get your daughter help now (yes, calling the police or CPS if you cannot get her into a program like PP posted) the liklihood of your daughter keeping her child is nil. I think she, the baby, and you as a grandparent have a much better chance of fairing positively with the system and hospital if you seek her help now. Has she been going to her prenatal appointments? Does her OB know of her addiction? There is so much information you have left out. You need to forget what your neighbors are going to think, forget how you are going to "look". THink about what this baby is going to think years down the road when s/he finds out you didn't do everything possible to help him/her. Get your daughter into rehab, NOW! You are past the point of gentle cajoling and trying to talk her into it.

[pinky]

OP, I have been thinking about you and your daughter a lot since I posted.

I wonder if you could talk to the folks at Horizons or some other program about how to get your daughter into treatment.  I'm sure they have lots of experience with navigating the system, and might even be able to help you with mandated treatment that would help her keep her dignity.

I know you are in a terrible spot, but it's also true that the stakes for your grandchild are extremely high.  It would be horrible to have your angry daughter taken into mandated treatment, but isn't it worse to know you didn't do everything you could to protect your grandchild?

[marinak1977]

OP, you need to think about the effects your daughter's use is going to have on your grandbaby. She/he is going to have lots of health issues and you need to become her advocate now. Her your family's sake - getting your daughter into mandated treatment is going to help both her and your grand child in the long run.

[BrookeB]

Don't let the fear keep you from doing the right thing. Addicts can't get better on their own. They need professional help and supportive people backing them. Make her go see a doctor and start getting help with the pregnancy before the baby is harmed  to much. I'm in Raleigh and I use to see Raleigh OB's doctors. They are great. If you're near that area I highly suggest taking her to see a doctor and let the doctor scare her into getting help! http://www.raleighob.com/ is the website..you can get contact information off the site.

[Smithie]

I'm a foster parent in SC.

If I were you, I'd be taking foster parent training and moving forward with background check and home study NOW, so as to minimize the chance of my grandchild being placed in a non-kinship foster situation. (Not that the baby wouldn't be safe and well there, but if his/her biofamily wants to step up and they are fit, why bounce the child around?).

Of course, if your daughter resides with you, you will probably not be considered an appropriate placement for the baby in any case. Since you can't bear the idea of your daughter in handcuffs, kicking her out to keep the baby is probably also not a situation that you want to face. But it may well come to that and you need to accept the possibility.

I'd tell her that her choices are 1) rehab, right now or 2) you kick her out, drop a dime, and start getting the credentials you'll need to foster your grandchild. If she won't go to rehab, then you have to choose to advocate for the more vulnerable of your loved ones.


It's a terrible situation, and none of it is your fault. I wish you the best of luck.