So of course I know no one here has a magic crystal ball, but I sort of got bold and now I'm wondering if it's going to bite me in the butt.
Divorce was finalized in April but ex has not seen ds in over two years and has never parented or paid child support. SO and I are getting married in the next month or so, have been together since 2009 he is the only dad ds has ever really known and ds has only very vague knowledge/recollections of A(my ex).
He called tonight and said he and his father wanted to know when was a good time to come down and visit ds. I told him not any time soon, as I felt it would be emotionally disruptive to ds. I told him that ds' therapist supported this decision. I politely explained that SO and I have never refused visitation over the last two years, but that he chose not to exercise that right. Now, IMO it's too late. He can wait until ds is much older and emotionally able to handle the reappearance of this person he doesn't know. Frankly I doubt he is sincere in his motivations, given his abusive nature, but even if he is, that's too bad since the time for that has long since passed. His father is not much better.....when ex abused me and I went to a shelter with ds, his father offered me $1,000 to drop the charges, say I had lied, and move back in.
Anyway, even though we were married at the time of ds' birth, his name is not on ds' birth certificate. At one point I tried to get it added, but he refused to cooperate, even to sign papers that I had already filled out and paid for. However because we were married, even without the birth certificate, I was able to get custody through the courts and have a child support order set up (which he has never paid on).
Supposing he goes back and tells his father what I said, and the father hires him a lawyer and they take me to court, should I be worried? His father hired a lawyer before, but the lawyer never showed up in court, I assume because they didn't get the answer they wanted (that ex would get full custody of ds, even though he hadn't seen him in 6 months. lol.)
He's a pretty lazy person, but he's also narcissistic, and hates to be crossed. And his father has a terrible temper and gets angry if things don't go how he thinks they should. God help you if you tell him no, or that he's wrong. They live about 6 hrs away. My gut tells me this is not over yet, and now I'm wondering if I did the wrong thing in flatly denying him visitation. The court order says he is entitled to "reasonable visitation" supervised by me. I personally think it's unreasonable and not in ds' best interests to pop in and out at will, especially after refusing to go on the birth certificate, and then telling SO on the phone, "If you want to raise the kid, more power to you. Thanks". I have no idea whether a judge would agree with me.
He does not know that ds was recently dx'd with Aspergers, anxiety and ADHD. I didn't think it was his business. But that dx is one of the main reasons I feel strongly that unreliable people should not be popping in and out of his life. Even in all the upheavals ds has experienced, he has had only a few adults in his life as primary figures. I don't think kids should be subjected to a revolving door of people who pretend to care.