Here's an update for me! Well, it's been a year (plus) since x walked out the door on our 20th anniversary. I'm doing OK. Sold our mcmansion in less than a month back in the winter--and bought myself a little house with just enough space for me, my kids, our cat, and my rabbits--that I got back after they lived in a shelter for almost six months. Those of you might recall, one of his issues was that he hated my pets with a passion and promised me that he would work on our marriage if I got "rid of" our pets. Of course, I kept in touch with the shelter, probably because I knew in my mind that the day would come that I'd be rid of x and getting my bunnies back. So we're all good. It was a year in May. There was no way I would have every gotten rid of the cat--that was my dd's b-day gift just months before. Ugh...
So here are my issues--and anyone who's btdt, please share:
1. I'm sick of hearing people say, "He left YOU, not your kids." Really? Because the last time I checked, I'm pretty sure I didn't give birth to these kids on my own and had NO intentions of ever being a single mom--especially after 20 years of marriage! When I say, in general conversation or emails, etc., that he left US...I mean just that--he left US. OK, if you want to get technical: he left ME WITH TWO KIDS to raise alone. WTH? I mean, if he runs off with some chicky, is there someone out there saying to him: oh, you didn't leave your kids, just your wife? How is that?
2. I defined myself as a mom and wife. So, my I put my career on the back burner and, as a result, am not happy with where I am now that I don't have a family life. I like my house...but I'm not using my PhD as I should...and I really don't care for my job. BELIEVE ME, I'm LOOKING, but I'm limited to 150 mile radius and my field is limited--as is probably the case with everyone in this economy...but I worry, too, because I'm over 40 and not a top pick at that age for stuff--or at least I feel that way...am I right? The other thing is, I have a weird little niche for my career--and I can work at the more entry level stuff (which is what I am doing)---but the admin positions in education, well, you need to know someone, OR, have worked in a particular division...so it's depressing as heck to be where I was 20 years ago--because I took a few years off to have a family. I feel really resentful over that--especially that since ex never took a day out of his career during all those years. And now I'm back to square one? How is that fair?
3. I had lost a lot of weight in the year that things were happening...but I've gained a lot back. I don't feel good enough to start "looking" for anyone...and worry that it would just complicate life. My kids are 7 and 9. Any tips for older moms with younger kids and dating? I wouldn't mind a man in his late 40s or 50s... but gosh, I'm sure most of them would run for the hills from a gal with little kids. And I don't want to settle for just anyone...but at this age--I don't want a man with a crazy ex in the background, no job, or whatever his screwy issues are. Bleh!
I mean, I don't need it--and I see some of my friends with their dating issues and I just can't deal with some guy who drinks too much, runs around, or can't KEEP a job. He doesn't need to be a millionaire...but I can't wrap my head around the idea of some guy who would need to rely on me for support. I've got enough to deal with. But I have one friends now and she barely makes enough to keep a roof over her head--but her boyfriend has no job, lives with her, AND cheats--and she puts up with it--because she is in her 50s and feels that this "is good as it gets". OMG--tell me life is better than this!
Anyway...I'm doing OK. I like being able to work in my own yard and having a garden--that's all new and fun--but I find myself shaking my head about how I got here. Never thought it would be me...so I get down sometimes.
Hanging in there, though...hope everyone else is, too!