How we weaned our LO at 20 mos

[Alisse]

To set the context: We coslept with our son from about 1month of age, mainly because it was so much easier not to get up to breastfeed and because my mother coslept with each of the 4 of us.  My son breastfed every 1-2 hours at night right up until we made the decision to wean.  We weaned because i'm a full-time student and i thought i was going to go mentally insane from sleep deprivation. We had made several attempts to nightwean but failed so quickly each time because of the crying that would ensue. And i should also mention, importantly, my son refused the bottle since about 3months and was nursed down every single bloodly night that i was home.  

How we actually weaned was the result of a series of things that occurred that i think made it so surprisingly easy in the end.  First, we've always found that my husband was able to put him to bed so much more easily with me; i was never able to get him to bed without nursing him down.  He didn't do it often, but had to in the last little while because i was out studying late so often.  Also, I started to spend the occasional weekend away at my parents' place because i desperately needed to study.  During those weekends my husband alone managed all the parenting including naps and bedtime.  Each time he would bring the sippy cup with whole milk in it, which my son hated and would never use in the beginning.  That changed at some point and my son would take the occasional few sips before going off to sleep. After maybe 2 months of this i finally attempted to be with him in bed before he went to sleep.  On the first night he turned to nurse and i said no, after which the crying ensued.  And of course nothing seemed to soothe him.  He cried for about 5 mins and then i gave up because i couldn't, and still can't, bear to hear him cry for very long, (you know, you get thoughts like:  well, maybe i can do this a little longer...i'm being selfish...he's only this age once...etc etc etc).  The 2nd night i said no and he started to cry.  But after about 10 mins i asked him for the 5th time if he wanted his cup and he said "ya", drank a bit and stopped crying...rolled around for 30mins...then miraculously went to bed.  After that one event we decided to wean completely, which meant not nursing after daycare.  We did that by distracting him with anything we could get out hands on or think of, including cookies, cell phones, going outside, or if nothing was working, i'd leave the house completely until after he was asleep.  I continued to try to be with him when he went to bed.  Oh, i should mention, we also started giving him his sippy cup of milk as soon as we hit the bed for stories so that he'd already start using it before lights out.  After the 3rd or 4th night, that was it!  He was weaned and no more tears.  He'd do the occasional bobbing of his head toward my chest while he was asleep still but would quickly give up after i patted his bum or back. 

I never dreamed that cosleeping and weaning was a possible combination.  

Recently, after he falls asleep, my husband has managed to scoop him up and put him in his crib which we had originally had, ineffectually, sidecarred to the bed, (don't know why as he would never sleep anywhere that wasn't directly in my arms).  We have it placed beside our bed about 2 feet away.  

And i have to say, it was pretty right away that he was sleeping through the night.  Friggin miracle, this weaning thing. Neeeeever did i dream that he could go from nursing every 1-2 hours to sleeping from 9pm-7am straight.  

We really attribute much of the success to me having been away for so many nights and my husband being so great about doing all the putting-to-bed stuff.  

I hope our story helps someone! Good luck mamas!

BTW, yes, i experienced some sadness after losing that breastfeeding intimacy, but i'll tell you the truth, overall, i'm much happier now.  

[grlprpl19]

thanks for posting.  my son is 11 months and i have the same feelings - don't want to give up breastfeeding, hate watching him cry, but would love a full night's sleep.  probably won't happen soon, but it's good to hear a successful cosleeping wean. 

[whozeyermamma]

Thank you for this - I'm going to print it out and save it! (We're not quite there yet - DS is 1.)

I was just thinking the other day "how the heck am I gonna get this kid to sleep without nursing when he's in the bed???" Our situation is VERY similar to yours - DS in bed with me since the beginning, nurses every 2 hrs, nurses back to sleep every time, etc.

So you went from bedsharing with him and nursing all night long to him sleeping in the crib in your room? Your DH puts him in the crib after he's asleep? Or can he fall asleep in the crib? I think we'll have a little help in the fact that our DS also takes the binky (typically I nurse him and then pop the binky in his mouth, roll him over and he falls into a deep sleep with the binky, not the boob.)

[kdescalzi]

thanks so much for your post! I have been tormented with the idea of nightweaning....just the thought of her crying and sadness about not having her "boop" makes me cringe. Unfortunately, she has teeth decay and has spent her entire life sleeping with my nipple in her mouth!! She is now 2 yrs old and I need to make a change. I love to hear about success stories that are so gentle and loving. Happy sleeping!

[Alisse]

Originally Posted by whozeyermamma 

Thank you for this - I'm going to print it out and save it! (We're not quite there yet - DS is 1.)

I was just thinking the other day "how the heck am I gonna get this kid to sleep without nursing when he's in the bed???" Our situation is VERY similar to yours - DS in bed with me since the beginning, nurses every 2 hrs, nurses back to sleep every time, etc.

So you went from bedsharing with him and nursing all night long to him sleeping in the crib in your room? Your DH puts him in the crib after he's asleep? Or can he fall asleep in the crib? I think we'll have a little help in the fact that our DS also takes the binky (typically I nurse him and then pop the binky in his mouth, roll him over and he falls into a deep sleep with the binky, not the boob.)

You're very lucky with regards to the binky.  I was so desperate for him to take one that i almost taped it to his mouth.  I also tried to get him to suck his thumb but that was also a no go.  It was just me, which just added to the guilt of our earlier weaning attempts because, knowing how important it is for little ones to satisfy their sucking needs, i was horrified at the thought of him not having a way to be comforted.  OMG we tried blankies...lovies...etc etc.

Anyway to answer your questions...

- We coselpt a few nights...maybe a week at least...after we weaned.  But now what we've been doing is allowing him to fall asleep in our bed after which my husband would scoop him up and place him into the crib (which is the time he's sleeping most heaviest).  For some reason i can't do this; he wakes up if i try to lay him in the crib.

- My husband has been, on the rare occasion, able to put him in the crib while awake, but only if i'm not around. He places him into the crib then lies down on the bed and pretends to go to sleep.  But if he cries my husband will usually abort the plan and have our LO fall asleep beside him in the bed, then place him back into the crib once he's asleep.  However, if our LO has seen me in the house anytime after daycare and before bed or just knows that i'm around he won't tolerate being placed in the crib and will cry because he knows i'll come running.  

My hubby really wants to teach our LO to fall asleep on his own in the crib with me around, but i dunno if i'll be able to handle that yet.  

But definitely, we've found that our LO sleeps more soundly in the crib.  When he's in bed with us, he may wake up to 2-3 hours earlier that normal.    Oh, and we had to bust out the crib bumper because he'll roll around so hard sometimes and bash in the railing that he'll awaken.  

[Alisse]

Originally Posted by kdescalzi 

thanks so much for your post! I have been tormented with the idea of nightweaning....just the thought of her crying and sadness about not having her "boop" makes me cringe. Unfortunately, she has teeth decay and has spent her entire life sleeping with my nipple in her mouth!! She is now 2 yrs old and I need to make a change. I love to hear about success stories that are so gentle and loving. Happy sleeping!

Oh i should mention, speaking of tooth decay, although we started out putting milk in his sippy cup before bed, we switched it to water about 1.5 weeks after and it's like he didn't notice.  He carries it everywhere and will want a drink as soon as he wakes.  So even though i thought he would suffer some kind of psychological/emotional trauma from not having some kind of "milk" at night, i was wrong!

Edited by Alisse - 6/14/11 at 10:04am