Anyone feel more nervous the 2nd time?

[DomerJen]

I had a homebirth w/ DS. It was long and difficult (for me) but ended well.  I'm pregnant w/ #2 and have the same birth team set up, but I feel just... scared about this birth.  Not about the pain, etc... but that something will go wrong.  I don't know why.  I did read a birth story where the woman had a placental abruption that wasn't discovered until her water broke well into her labor.  She was at a hospital, and she and her baby lived.  I don't know if that is where my fear is coming from, or maybe b/c I haven't read all the powerful pregnancy books that I read last time again.  Maybe it's simply just being more aware of the fragilty of life now?

Does anyone have suggestions as to how to work through these fears?  I don't want to deliver at a hospital as long as I'm low-risk, and I trust my midwife's skills.  I just don't know how to get rid of this icky feeling. :(

[calldeville]

Is homebirth with a lay midwife legal in Georgia? I thought that was one of the "Red" states.

[DomerJen]

My midwife is a CPM licensed in Michigan.  It's not legal for them to attend here, but it's legal for me to have a home birth.  The legality isn't really my concern - I've been through that before.  I have backup care through my insurance which I attend for regular prenatal visits, so I'd have a doctor to go to if I wanted/needed to hit the hospital.

[Lirazel]

I totally understand those new fears.  I am also expecting my second after a great homebirth with my first and I think it's just like you say - I am thinking more about the fragility of life.  I am planning to reread many of the books that helped me make my decision the first time and I think that's going to help a lot.  I took a Bradley class last time with 3 of the 4 couples doing homebirth and so it felt very normal.  I'm not taking a class this time and I'm surrounded by people who do hospital births.  None have been judgmental, but the homebirth just seems less normal now.  I need to read the books and talk to the people who do think it's normal and will encourage me.

[SamsMuffin]

I felt that way with my second.  I had homebirths with both my girls.  The first pregnancy, I wasn't worried or scared in the least.  I was confident and sure of myself.  I then had a very long and difficult labor, but it had a good outcome at the end.  Even though it was one of the hardest experiences of my life, I knew after my first's birth that I would choose homebirth again. 

When I got pregnant with my second, my confidence level was so different.  And I think you are right, I think it is an even greater awareness of the fragility of life, of all that could go wrong.  I was so freaked out that I would have placenta previa (we didn't have ultrasounds with either pregnancy).  I wasn't worried about another long or hard labor.  I loved my midwife (same one with both pregnancies) and trusted her with my life.  But I definitely felt anxious all the way until probably a week or two before I went into labor. 

My way of combating the anxiety was reading over a list of Bible verses, mantras that I could use during the labor, and inspiring quotes.  I tried to dwell on that instead of worrying.  Her birth ended up being much shorter and much easier than the first.  Despite that though, I am thinking midwife at a hospital if we have a third.  That strong clarity of the fragility of life and potential problems has only increased after each birth.  Also, we recently moved to a new state and I fear I could never find a homebirth midwife quite like the one that attended my girls' births.  I still support and love homebirth though.