considering homeschooling, really need sound advice

[newyorkmommy]

Hi everyone. I'm new here and hoping to find some sound advice. Or at least, some sound advice on how to figure this out for myself.

My husband and I have three little ones, ages 6, 4.5 and 3, and number four on the way, due in the fall. Our eldest is a girl, and she said to me this morning, apropos of nothing, that for 1st grade (she's ending her kindergarten year right now), she wants to do homeschool.

The background, as brief as I can make it, is that from age 2-4 she went a few days a week, and not even full time at that, to the local pre-school, but by the spring of her last year there, when she was 4, she made it clear she was done with the place and for our own reasons, so were we. So, we pulled her out, and there was much excitement for all of us as we discussed, researched and finally planned and began diving into homeschooling. We dabbled in our fledgling version of this through the spring and summer, but by the end of the summer, she was absolutely clear that she "wanted to go to school with other 5 year olds." We made sure she knew that kindergarten was all day, and she still wanted to go. We did a major last-minute scramble and were "lucky" and were able to find a spot for her at a very well regarded and desirable public school that's out of our district.

There are obviously a lot of variables and moving parts as to why she may have come to this other feeling at this moment, but I was able to tease out this morning in the course of our conversation that she wants to be home with me and her brother and sister and that she is bored (her word) at school. She said she only likes two of the places there, and those places are science and art.

Can I also add that we drew the shortest straw possible in terms of her teacher this year? She has atrocious grammar and tends to shout and is not particularly intelligent, warm, creative or engaged.

Our dilemma is not a big one emotionally. We love the idea of homeschooling and were pretty quickly sold on it once we started looking into it. But the truth is that when she said she wanted to go to school outside the home, part of me was relieved. We do not live on a farm or even in the suburbs. We live in a small 2-bedroom apartment in New York City (about to get even smaller with the addition of number four), and while we can't all live here forever (four teenagers here would just be ridiculous), for financial reasons we do need to stay probably a few more years.

But the kids are young, close in age, they bicker a lot when at home (probably somewhat due to the close quarters), and I have no space for myself either. Our youngest two will be going to a play group a few days a week come fall, so that will help when the new baby arrives, but I'm not completely convinced that having our eldest home all day will be good for either of us.  know she would be excited to help with the baby, but honestly part of me just wants to chill a little and to have some time alone with the new one. However, I'm sensing that part of the reason she wants to stay home is that she's feeling already that she doesn't get enough of me, and I would like to try to change that, for both our sakes.

I have to say I have never written such a magnum opus on a message board before, but I've been lurking around these parts long enough to feel I can realistically hope for sensitive and thoughtful advice.

How in the world do we make this decision?

Thanks in advance everyone.

[AAK]

It sounds like a tough choice.  When we pulled our dd out, I knew I could always send her back if I needed too.  However, you will lose your dds spot if you pull her out, so there are no guarantees that she would get back in.

I think if I were you, I wouldn't pull her out yet.  I would homeschool over the summer (first grade doesn't require tons of desk work and will work nicely into a summer routine).  That way, your dd can see what homeschooling really means.  Then, if she is still "on board" and wants to hs, pull her out before the first day.  Also, by doing the "summer school" approach, you will be able to take a "maternity leave" when the baby comes.  

I understand the cramped apartment thing.  You will need to find ways to "get out" some.  For you, for your dc, etc.  Are their any homeschool groups or maybe some museums offer homeschool days.  Even finding one or two hs families that you like can be a great source of relief when you need it.  

About the bickering:  I don't know if it is because my kids have matured more or not, but the bickering has gone down a bunch since we started homeschooling.  They are older than yours, but I think that for us the homeschooling was a good thing in regards to family harmony.  

For me, first grade would still be a lot about play.  I would also teach reading and math.   (A lot of math can be learned through play though).  Social studies would not be a curriculum, but sharing books and learning about different cultures.  Try out the chinese place down the street, read some books about China, find it on the map.  Learn about a game that kids play in China and play it too.  That sort of thing.  Science would be simple as well.  Learn out to "conduct an experiment" and do many.  Let your dd keep a lab notebook.  Help her write down a hypothesis.  Test it and have her draw/write to explain her observations.  Keep it simple.  Your younger children could participate too.  Save the reading lessons and math lessons for when the other kids are at their play group.

Good luck making this decision.  It is tough sometimes.

Amy

[phathui5]

Can I also add that we drew the shortest straw possible in terms of her teacher this year? She has atrocious grammar and tends to shout and is not particularly intelligent, warm, creative or engaged

That would make it easy for me to decide, unless you can get her moved to a better teacher.

What are you envisioning in terms of homeschooling for first grade?

[SundayCrepes]

Would you use a curriculum or are you more unschooly? Do you believe in delayed academics? 

When we are out and about, my two NEVER have conflicts. The only time they happen are when we are home. When we're in the backyard they seldom have problems, though sometimes they do. I think we'd all go stircrazy in an apt. I try and make sure we have an activity of some sort every day so it makes us get out of the house. I don't over-schedule. On Mondays it's a one hour art class. On Fridays it's storytime at the library. But it gets us out. Could you do that with 4?

It might not be so bad if your middle two will be away for blocks of time. Your oldest should be at the age that she's mainly a joy when it's just you and she might be super helpful with the baby. If you're not in a hurry for her to get formal academics, you won't feel so pressured.

[OTMomma]

You have to acknowledge going in- there will be great days when you go to a museum, or when you rock as a teacher and your dd learns wonderful things, and there will be horrible days when you curse the weather and want to run away and hide.  That's the nature of this life- its got ups and downs.  The truth is, that your dd will learn many wonderful lessons home with you, some will be "school" and some will be life, and life is the more important part.  You will just have to approach the year as a science experiment, and figure out what makes it a good year for you.  I like having my oldest in at least one class of some kind where she gets time away from the little ones, and I look forward to when my little ones have classes of their own.  You may be able to join a co-op and have all your kids do some classes at the same time (though you may have to teach a group there, often part of the deal). 

That all said- it is totally worth doing!

[Stacey B]

As someone who grew up in New York, and lives in another city now, I think you should do it. The city you live in such a great resource. I know that space can be an overwhelming aspect but with libraries out there what you need to have permanently can be limited. (short response due to pasta on stove and child insanely running around)

[berkeleyp]

It sounds like you have a lot going on so I can understand your dilemma.   I too am considering hs for my 6 year old who just finished ps kindy.  It sounds to me like your heart wants to homeschool so I say if its logistically possible give it a shot.  I am very on the fence myself but this is the direction I'm leaning.   Follow your heart.  If it doesn't work out - you can certainly send her to ps at any point in the future.  I bet there are tons of things to do to get everyone out of the house if you look around and probably a vibrant hs community in close range too.    I think tying it over the summer as a trial would be a good first step like someone else suggested.  If it works over the summer, it will work the rest of the year, perhaps with a few more indoor type field trips in the winter. 

Good luck!

[Savoir Faire]

I would imagine homeschooling in NYC would be amazing. The suburbs? Eh....you have to DRIVE to get anywhere (45 minutes to the children's museum)...so that often means we go nowhere.

My kids are 5 and ALLLMMMOOOST 7....first grade work isn't very long to do. If anything, I'd work on getting out of the house this summer while trying to get the schoolwork done in the morning just to see how it goes. You can decide when school gets a bit closer.

[ilovemygirl]

I was born and raised in the city so here's my thoughts mostly from a logistical standpoint ... 

Will you be able to get your dd back into a good school if homeschooling doesn't work out? 

Where in the city are you? Living in certain parts of the outer boroughs is very different than living in Manhattan. Do you have a lot of things near you within walking distance? The thought of taking four young children by myself on the subway or bus in the city on any type of consistent basis ... eek!

It's my understanding that NY is a serious PIA with homeschooling rules. Not that it's impossible or even hard but you'd have to do at least some reporting and planning and record keeping.

I don't mean to sound discouraging. If you want to homeschool and you have the financial means to make that possible in NYC it's absolutely wonderful. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could afford to move back.

[berkeleyp]

Another thought - have you looked into any local homeschool groups that might be a great source of info/support and even childcare part-time?  I'm sure there are other hsers in your area.