sollysmom - dd is like ex. i see how he has turned out coz his single mom couldnt give him the time he needed. it affected him for the rest of his life.
i swore that would never happen with dd.
in a sense i am grateful for dd being who she is. because she has taught me how to be her mom. her demanding self while wearing on me has pushed me to fulfill all her emotional needs.
she is a child with much anxiety. and just being there for her has made a huge difference to her.
it was also v. important for me coz in my family it was the opposite. i was the easy child and younger bro was the demanding one. poor mom told me i never wanted anything and played happily by myself so she gave her full attention to my bro. it took me 40 years to no longer feel abandoned by my mom and really understand that she tried her best.
the eggshells part. i found something v. important to her than other kids. the 3 golden rules. enough exercise, enough food in stomach AND enough rest. even today at almost 9, when she is going thru a emotional growth spurt i watch out for those 3 things because it really helps with the intensity.
and i was able to tolerate the eggshells myself because till about 3 her sensory stuff was actually painful for her. she couldnt help it. part of her was super sensitive and couldnt stand bunched up socks or sleeves yet the sensory seeker would never wear shoes and run on playground bark with bare feet.
another big key. no matter how i tried lying or hiding - she ALWAYS could tell when i was angry or upset. she would always act up.
yes its more relaxing now. however now is the time i find parenting REALLY challenging. for me parenting is far more difficult than before. for me to help her i have to give up more and more control. i have to stop trying to fix it. i have to stop trying to say i told you so. i have to say yes and watch her learn thru her mistakes. i have to listen to her heart wrenching questions and struggle to find answers. so yes i can sleep at night and get time to myself. but the intensity of certain things have gone sky high for me.
and yes thru it all - i have made sure i enjoy my child. but then again being an older mom and knowing she was possibly going to be my only one i couldnt but enjoy her even tho at 3 months i wanted to kill her.