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anyone sure that this baby is the last? - Page 2

post #21 of 31
Thread Starter 

i've been thinking about this a lot since my last post.  honestly, i think part of the reason i'm so not at peace with this being my last (even though i know it should be and probably is) is because i feel like i still haven't gotten the birth i so wanted.  yes, i did get my vbac and i'm so grateful for that, but it certainly wasn't the vbac i imagined.  the birth was still traumatic for me in several ways and i so desperately wanted one of those dream births i read about on mdc (maybe i should just stop reading birth stories). 

 

don't get me wrong, i'm not going to get pregnant just so i can experience the birth i want.  that would be rather selfish.  if we were to have another, it would be because we really want one.  also, there's no guarantee my next birth would be what i want either.

 

anyway, i'm thinking that's just one reason i'm feeling so conflicted.

post #22 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by samstress View Post

the birth was still traumatic for me in several ways and i so desperately wanted one of those dream births i read about on mdc (maybe i should just stop reading birth stories). 

 

don't get me wrong, i'm not going to get pregnant just so i can experience the birth i want.  that would be rather selfish.  if we were to have another, it would be because we really want one.  also, there's no guarantee my next birth would be what i want either.

 

anyway, i'm thinking that's just one reason i'm feeling so conflicted.

I get what you mean. I finally had my "dream birth." And it was so nice to finally experience that but, as you said, not a reason to get pregnant again and just like you said, who knows if you would get your dream birth that time around either. I hear ya though. :)
 

 

post #23 of 31
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dayiscoming2006 View Post



I get what you mean. I finally had my "dream birth." And it was so nice to finally experience that but, as you said, not a reason to get pregnant again and just like you said, who knows if you would get your dream birth that time around either. I hear ya though. :)
 

 


thanks mama.  i needed that.

 

i talked to dh last night about this very thing (and i think he finally gets it).  he's been very, "we're done" and that's it.  i felt i needed him to understand why i am having a hard time with this.  he feels really badly that i feel the birth was traumatic because he views it as a success and he thinks i'm being too hard on myself.  he so desperately wanted me to have that ideal birth experience, but he feels, given our circumstances (going two weeks past due with doctors pressuring me to have a RCS) that i should feel good about getting my vaginal birth at all (and drug-free).

 

i'm so grateful for my two beautiful, healthy children and know that (in time) i will be at peace with all of this.   

 

post #24 of 31

Thought I'd chime in, although it's been way too long since I've been on here. We are very done. We discussed through the last part of the pregnancy how he was done. I wasn't sure. Well, God made the decision for us. Less than a week after he was born, I started having heart problems. I couldn't get my resting heart rate out of the 40s, and sometime it would drop below 40. I was re-admitted to the hospital and they ran a ton of tests and determined it was possibly fatigue from the birth (aka, they have no clue what was going on but it stopped). We're both sure now. I don't want to go through that again. So, in 2 weeks when I go to my 6 week checkup, I'll be scheduling to get the Essure implants.

 

Part of me is sad. This is the last time I'll nurse a newborn, last time I'll wrap up a tiny baby on my chest. He's already in size 1 diapers (sposies)!! It seems like he knows he is the last, so he's rushing to catch up with his siblings! But, there's the part of me that knows we're moving on to another great part of our lives. Ari starts homepreschooling this fall, after the Essure I can start actively losing weight and getting fit (gonna start the couch to 5k program after the procedure, hoping to run a 5K by next winter), we plan on starting to invest in camping supplies and taking the kids camping, and (very exciting) when Josiah weans (at least 2 years from now) I will be getting a breast lift and reduction!! I'm a 42F and I have scoliosis so it's very much medically needed.

 

We've always got our heart open to adoption, but we also keep in mind the fact that both our parents are raising children right now too. My in-laws are raising their 7 year old grandson and his mother is bi-polar and unstable, and my parents have my three adopted siblings who are 12, 11 and 9. If something were to happen to either of our parents, we would be the guardians of the children. So, that is always something we have to keep in our thoughts. While adoption is a thought, I don't want to be raising children at the same time Arianna is. I love my siblings to death, but I sometimes wish my mom could just be a grandma, KWIM?

post #25 of 31

We are done.  DH is definitely done.  I think if he weren't so certain, I could be convinced to have a third baby.  However, I've always imagined a family of 4, and I feel happy and complete with my 2 girls. :)  I did tell DH he was in charge of birth control since he was more sure than I was.  He's already looking up urologists. :)  Though he isn't going to get it done immediately.  We'll probably hold off for a year so we're sure.

 

Since I got to experience natural labor and a vaginal delivery this time, I have to say I'm going to miss the feeling of birth.  My VBAC was incredibly healing for me.  It was just so amazing, and the rush I felt when her shoulders passed was just overwhelming.  However, I do NOT want to be pregnant again.  Pregnancy is really hard on me, and while I enjoy feeling my baby move inside me, I'm glad to be done being pregnant.

post #26 of 31

 



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by samstress View Post

i've been thinking about this a lot since my last post.  honestly, i think part of the reason i'm so not at peace with this being my last (even though i know it should be and probably is) is because i feel like i still haven't gotten the birth i so wanted.  yes, i did get my vbac and i'm so grateful for that, but it certainly wasn't the vbac i imagined.  the birth was still traumatic for me in several ways and i so desperately wanted one of those dream births i read about on mdc (maybe i should just stop reading birth stories). 

 

don't get me wrong, i'm not going to get pregnant just so i can experience the birth i want.  that would be rather selfish.  if we were to have another, it would be because we really want one.  also, there's no guarantee my next birth would be what i want either.

 

anyway, i'm thinking that's just one reason i'm feeling so conflict

So sorry you didn't get the dream birth you wanted.  I never did either.  Some get wonderful, perfect births and others don't.  I actually did have a really great birth for the most part and then it ended in a way that I really didn't want and it has been so hard to accept.  I can relate to wanting to give birth again and having to live with the sadness of not getting the birth you wanted.

post #27 of 31

reading these posts make me feel more sure about being done...for now. I just can't shake the feeling that in 5 years I'll have a complete change of mind and be begging DH to have another one. So, that's the main reason we're not doing anything permanent. We also have to consider the effect more kids have on a marriage. So far we've done okay for ourselves, but I can see how more kids will bring more stress, more financial pressure, etc. So, I'm good for now and I hope I don't get an overwhelming urge to have another one, because it will take alot of convincing on my part. I just hate that each phase of baby's life goes by SOOOOO fast no matter how much time you spend soaking it up, you know!? I'm okay with this being my last birth. I had an ideal birth and I'm happy with it.

post #28 of 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsBone View Post

I just hate that each phase of baby's life goes by SOOOOO fast no matter how much time you spend soaking it up, you know!? I'm okay with this being my last birth. I had an ideal birth and I'm happy with it.


YES!!!!  I am trying so hard to slow things down, not get frustrated when she doesn't sleep, etc. just so I can soak up every moment with her.  (It's 99.9% that she's our last baby.)  Yet, I still feel like time has just flown by.  I mean, she'll be 6 weeks old on Saturday!  How did that happen?  I swear I just got home from the hospital with her...

 

post #29 of 31

We are done now.  Arya is our third child and we really do feel like the two girls and a boy plus two dogs is more than enough for us to handle. Were I younger I would feel more conflicted about it but I just turned 41 and have never been able to conceive until my girls were close to fully weaned and I nursed both of them close to 3 yrs.  Also, I want to savor every minute of Arya being an infant but there is a somewhat selfish side of me that longs to have the freedom to persue some of the things I like to do, such as cycling and backpacking.  Finally, we are faced with the financial constraints of a 3rd child, even now.  I worked full time from home until the end of this pregnancy and now I am faced with finding a FT job and potentially paying a ton for childcare, almost not worth working.

post #30 of 31

We're done.  I think I'll always have that little part of me that wants another one, but I could have 35275 children and still want "one more" I think LOL.  I do think I'm happy and content and feel "complete" with the three we have.  My first two are from my first marriage, so this is DH's first biological child.  He was really adamant about wanting a fourth (although he assured me that if I were adamantly AGAINST it he wouldn't push the issue... but I think he really thought I would change my mind and want a fourth).  The funny thing is, as soon as the pregnancy was over, I felt like I could go for a fourth.  But my husband saw me in labor and said he could NEVER make me do that again. LOL!!!  Yeah, I wasn't the most graceful woman in labor.

 

The biggest thing for me is that I really would like to have a career in nursing, but it's also important to me to stay home with my kids while they're young.  I need to go to school for nursing, of course, so there's a fairly long road ahead of me.  I'm 30, which I don't feel is "old" by any means, but with school ahead of me before I can begin the career I desire, I need to start thinking about that.  Having another child would push that off further.  Plus, we'd need (well, would like to have) a larger home if we had more kids (more bedrooms), larger car, etc.  So, for logistical reasons, we're done at three. :)  And I think I'm fine with that. :)

post #31 of 31

We are nearly 100% sure about being done especially after experiencing DD's colic.  We also have one of each which helped seal the deal.  I'm ready for the kids to be older so we can start doing fun things with them.

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