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What do you do that cancels our your NFL/AP/CRUNCHY/NON-Mainstream/MDCness? - Page 2

post #21 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by DevaMajka View Post

Some of these I get, and I do some of them, but I don't understand having a discussion on a NFL/ AP message board on how un-NFL and un-AP you are. Obviously, no one is perfect.

 

It doesn't make a lick of difference to me if someone uses sposies, formula feeds by choice, eats sugar (we do!!), eats fast food sometimes (we do), vaxes, etc etc etc.

Some of these are just sad though. I don't get why someone would admit on MDC that they hit their kids, or that they are comfortable with (illegally) front facing a baby, when (I assume) they know it's MUCH less safe to do so.


That's awesome that it doesn't make a difference to you. And not the norm here. It makes A LOT of difference to a lot of people if moms or dads here make different choices than the "standard" AP choices. I have found myself in tears on the regular while reading this board, feeling shamed about myself and my thoughts. About totally minor things too!
 

 

post #22 of 468


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DevaMajka View Post

Some of these are just sad though. I don't get why someone would admit on MDC that they hit their kids, or that they are comfortable with (illegally) front facing a baby, when (I assume) they know it's MUCH less safe to do so.



I'm not into the whole crunchy/AP checklist, but I agree with you that these two things made me cringe.  It's not mainstream to have a 10 month old forward facing - it's reckless. 

post #23 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by milletpuff View Post




That's awesome that it doesn't make a difference to you. And not the norm here. It makes A LOT of difference to a lot of people if moms or dads here make different choices than the "standard" AP choices. I have found myself in tears on the regular while reading this board, feeling shamed about myself and my thoughts. About totally minor things too!
 

 

nod.gif I've not been in tears but have been upset by people jumping down my throat for not conforming to the perfect AP standard. It ticks me off how a person can just hide behind "Well, there are other mainstream boards if you want to have views like that" instead of actually considering somebody else's parenting choices as valid, for them.

 

Whatever happened to live and let live? Barring any actual child abuse (And no, that does not include formula feeding no matter how you slice it.) I don't see why all the extreme judgement and holier-than-thou even has to come into play. 

 

Why not bring more "mainstream" people in from other boards so they can be exposed to new ideas instead of kicking them to the curb for not quite making that mark. 
 

 

post #24 of 468

I thought of another one. 

 

I've been scorned because I think my breast milk tastes gross. I dread having to get it on my tongue. I was told I must have something wrong with me, health-wise, for this to be the case. Maybe if I were a bit more hardcore AP I would acquire a taste because breast milk is so magykal that everybody must love it!! 

 

 

post #25 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post

I thought of another one. 

 

I've been scorned because I think my breast milk tastes gross. I dread having to get it on my tongue. I was told I must have something wrong with me, health-wise, for this to be the case. Maybe if I were a bit more hardcore AP I would acquire a taste because breast milk is so magykal that everybody must love it!! 

 

 

wait, why would you have to get it on your tongue?  hmmmmm  (I don't even know what breastmilk tastes like, exactly, and I nursed past 2)
 

 

post #26 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post



wait, why would you have to get it on your tongue?  hmmmmm  (I don't even know what breastmilk tastes like, exactly, and I nursed past 2)
 

 


lol.gif Well...I guess it's not that frequent but I have tasted it, purposely at first because everyone talked about how damn delicious it was...I tasted it and thought, "Ew, that tastes gross." then looked at my son with a small shake of my head. Poor little fella thinks this tastes good. He wanted it 24/7 so I guess it must not have been all bad. 

 

I guess I kept tasting it in hopes whatever was wrong with me would clear right up. 

 

post #27 of 468

I do think there are different levels of "AP'ness" (I'm not wording that correctly at all, I'll try to explain.

There are some things that Mothering stands for, and is pretty unequivocal about it's stance- physical punishment is one, not using CIO is another, not circ'ing is another.

There are other things that are part of the AP continuum, but that aren't "necessary" if you get what I mean. Things like homeschooling (there is a forum for public schooling on MDC), cloth diapering (talk of sposies are ok), co-sleeping (you can sleep separately and not cio), and vaxing (there is a forum for people who choose to vax). Doing those things does NOT make you un-AP. They can exist within AP. AP is about how you relate to your kids, and treat your kids.

 

 

 

And then there are other things that are more NFL than AP, like eating organic and recycling. Doing those things don't make you un-AP, though they might have something to do with your NFL-ness. I don't know, because those things are barely on my radar.

 

And before anyone thinks that I'm all...whatever...thinking I'm better than anyone, I'm definitely not the "most AP of them all." Ds1 was circ'ed before I knew better, I spanked him (and regret it), he's happily in public school, and we'll get some vaxes.

 

 

The TOS of MDC says:

 

Quote:

Mothering.com is the website of natural family living and advocates natural solutions to parenting challenges. We host discussion of nighttime parenting, loving discipline, gentle weaning, natural birth, homebirth, successful breastfeeding, alternative and complementary home remedies, informed consent and many other topics from a natural point of view. We are not interested, however, in hosting discussions that advocate crying it out, harsh sleep training, physical punishment, formula feeding, elective cesarean section, routine infant medical circumcision, or mandatory vaccinations as a parenting philosophy.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post


You may not care about those things but it is a big bone of contention around here, in general. In a recent thread formula feeding by choice was likened to child abuse. 

 

ETA: I do think it's ill advised to forward face a ten month old...
 

 

Some people are extreme about the things that they are passionate about. It's easy on message boards to be "mean" to people and forget to care about their feelings, because you aren't looking straight at a person, kwim? It doesn't mean it's right, of course. And I think people make exaggerated comparisons to make a point. It seems to me, though, that their point is lost in the extremeness of it (like insinuating that formula feeding is abuse- that's not going to convert anyone, I don't think). As far as formula feeding goes, my feelings are "her body, her choice." I would hope that women would have enough information to make an informed decision (which I suppose would be leaning towards bf'ing as long as there is not a reason to the contrary).

 



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by milletpuff View Post

That's awesome that it doesn't make a difference to you. And not the norm here. It makes A LOT of difference to a lot of people if moms or dads here make different choices than the "standard" AP choices. I have found myself in tears on the regular while reading this board, feeling shamed about myself and my thoughts. About totally minor things too!
 

 


greensad.gif

The thing is this though. You do what you do because it feels right, yes? If someone else says it's wrong, so what? You might think about it a bit, then come to a conclusion that either you need to change what you do, or that you are comfortable with what you are doing. If you are happy with what you are doing, then it's ok that some random person online says it's awful. kwim?

I've had people tell me (on other boards) that they were worried for my first son's wellbeing because I wasn't cio and spanking. I got mad at them for it, sure (and it still bothers me now, 6 years later. I thought I was friends with one woman in particular). But I still felt good about what I was doing, yk?
 

 

post #28 of 468
I'll play

While I have nutritional yeast in a parmesan shaker, ( other thread) I also have cheapie Kroger brand parmesan in my kitchen too.

I smoked on numerous occasions in between DD being born and getting pg again.
I love to drink good beer, and more than one or two (though not while pg).
DD has totally eaten plenty of sugar and french fries.
I am not tandem nursing. I can not imagine it, and Im just not going to do it.
We have plastic toys. And even ones that light up and make noise.
DD used a paci for the first 6 months.
We watch movies, and so does she.
We do buy a lot of organic food, but we also have a ton of HFCS filled condiments to pour all over our food (not dds, just ours)
post #29 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by DevaMajka View Post

The TOS of MDC says:

 

Quote:

Mothering.com is the website of natural family living and advocates natural solutions to parenting challenges. We host discussion of nighttime parenting, loving discipline, gentle weaning, natural birth, homebirth, successful breastfeeding, alternative and complementary home remedies, informed consent and many other topics from a natural point of view. We are not interested, however, in hosting discussions that advocate crying it out, harsh sleep training, physical punishment, formula feeding, elective cesarean section, routine infant medical circumcision, or mandatory vaccinations as a parenting philosophy.

 


I'm glad you posted this because I haven't read it (my bad) and I didn't realize it was this specific.

 

Ok, really? So MDC is not interested in hosting discussions about elective c-sections or formula feeding?

 

What about the fact that I had an emergency c-section because of breech and may have to choose an elective c-section with my second baby? My "choices" are to drive 2 hours for a VBAC, have an elective c-section, or have an unattended UC HBAC. What if I want to discuss the benefits vs. drawbacks of an elective c-section?

 

My best friend had breast cancer and gave birth due to the miracle of IVF and a donated egg, but was not able to breastfeed. She cannot discuss her formula options here? What about formula use due to adoption and fostering?

 

I can't help but play devil's advocate. hide.gif

 

post #30 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by alittlesandy View Post


 What about formula use due to adoption and fostering?

 



I have participated in a few formula-friendly threads.  I think the board has relaxed considerably on this issue.

post #31 of 468
The UA says "advocate", not that you cant discuss it at all. You can talk about why you are electing for a csection, but I think the UA is really to keep the comments such has , "Well, I had a section with all three of mine, and their heads are all perfect." Same with FF, plenty of mamas in Life with a Babe have asked for formula advice and its okay. Its really to keep people from coming here to advocate these practices, not to keep us from discussing them. For example, there a plenty of places that advocate circ, so MDC isnt going to allow people to come here and post a thread all about how circ is the best thing in the world and everyone should get their kid cut. Its not to keep you from asking why/why not to do something. As much as so many people seem to be up in arms about how MDC is "so crunchy" and how people have made them feel guilty, please remember that breastfeeding moms, NCB moms, and AP moms are all still the minority in the united states. Its NICE to have a place that doesnt advocate csections and formula. There are TONS of places that do, including most doctors offices.
post #32 of 468
I'll play!

We recently got a playpen and I LOVE it. I can do the dishes in peace without a baby on my back reaching for the knife rack or on the floor eating the dog food.

I sometimes have my nanny work when I have the day off just so that I can get a full day of me time.

I do timeouts, McD play places, infant bucket in the cart/resturaunt, stroller (a double even!), and way too much TV for everyone.

I have a bottle of formula in the pantry just in case I can't pump enough one day, and everyone who cares for my child knows i prefer that over hunger crying.

My DD1 eats the normal kid diet of everything brown, carbo loaded, and covered in cheese. She doesn't eat greens. I don't really care. She is happy. I'm happy. On the plus side she loves fruit and hates candy, so at least I'm on the mid ground health wise.

I am still an AP parent, just not a perfect one. redface.gif. Thanks all for sharing!
post #33 of 468
I think this thread has been great! If nothing else it's nice to know I'm not alone!
post #34 of 468

i am by principal an APer and will always be an APer. but life has not allowed me to be the APer i would have liked to be. things i do or had to do was not out of choice. though i think i am more a NFL and CL parent with hairy legs but shaved underarms. 

post #35 of 468
Thread Starter 

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post

I thought of another one. 

 

I've been scorned because I think my breast milk tastes gross. I dread having to get it on my tongue. I was told I must have something wrong with me, health-wise, for this to be the case. Maybe if I were a bit more hardcore AP I would acquire a taste because breast milk is so magykal that everybody must love it!! 

 

 


yeahthat.gif Everytime I read about someone making ice cream out of thier breast milk, I gag and PRAY theirs tastes way better then mine does. 
 

 

post #36 of 468

While I use vinegar to clean most of the time...that's for light cleaning. When I want something REALLY CLEAN I break out the bleach. The toilet isn't considered "clean" unless it's had caustic blue stuff swirled in it.

 

I turned my oldest FF at 16mo. It made for calmer car trips...and there is no way to RF someone behind DH. Poor man would be driving with the wheel in his chest otherwise.

 

Our TV lives in the closet...but I watch stuff on the computer all the time. DS1 loves things like Home Improvement (that old sitcom) and cartoons.

 

We can't afford organic (we were spending $1200/month on 2.5 people...) 

 

My son is eating Ritz Crackers RIGHT NOW!

post #37 of 468
I am not a perfect ap/NFL mom, but mdc is where I go to be inspired and learn better ways. And yes, people get passionate because they research and see all the studies pointing out the benefits of ap/NFL. I don't think we should feel bad about ourselves but realize everyone has different circumstances and priorities.

I just stopped using my divacup. I literally can't handle it right now, when baby cries for me in the bathroom. It takes too much concentration to not make a mess, ugh. (and I can't stand pads, cloth or otherwise--again, we are all different) Real life intervenes for now. But later wasted resources and money might seem more real life to me. It just depends.( But I wouldn't come to mdc to advocate no one use a cup)

I think mommy guilt is a feminist issue but that doesn't mean mdc should let go of its values. I was once a newbie and learned and changed so much bc of this site. I will be forever grateful, even if some others are more hardcore than I, or whatever. It's not about a contest, it's about access to information you didn't even know you were missing out on, and being able to discuss your life without people jumping on you for being odd or downright offensive just bc of say cosleeping. I was run off the first board I frequented just bc I shared about (not preachy) my natural birth and babywearing. People said horrible things about me and my baby! No one ever did that to me here. Conscious parenting and living is appreciated, and I like that. But I think we should be gentle with each other, without letting go of some general values. I think it's like, when you know better, you do better-- except when you are buried by parenting/ life and then you get the least offensive fast food and look towards tomorrow, lol. It's about baby steps. I am still effecting changes. And sometimes I grab a ziplock bag (yes we use them! Not really for food so much as trash in odd situations and for keeping games and stuff neat) when I can't grab the wet bag, lol.

But a ten month old forward facing is nothing to joke about or somehow validate. Please look up internal decapitation.
post #38 of 468


I agree with this.  Why are so many people feeling such a need to get these things out in a public way on a NFL forum?  It seems wierd.  I can agree that I am not 100% where I would like to be as a mom or family, but I come here for support to strive in that direction.

So odd to me.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DevaMajka View Post

Some of these I get, and I do some of them, but I don't understand having a discussion on a NFL/ AP message board on how un-NFL and un-AP you are. Obviously, no one is perfect.

 

It doesn't make a lick of difference to me if someone uses sposies, formula feeds by choice, eats sugar (we do!!), eats fast food sometimes (we do), vaxes, etc etc etc.

Some of these are just sad though. I don't get why someone would admit on MDC that they hit their kids, or that they are comfortable with (illegally) front facing a baby, when (I assume) they know it's MUCH less safe to do so.



 

post #39 of 468

Can't even read the forward facing babies (it's not crunchy to keep your child rear facing as long as possible, it's SAFE)

 

We own lots of plastic toys.

 

I fed my still nursing, not growing toddler Formula.  And weaned him to a bottle at 2.  And did forcible night weaning.  And left him to cry to sleep at 2 1/2.

 

We did BLW - and jars, because sometimes jars are easier.

 

We don't eat Organic unless it's on sale for less than non-organic.

 

I love it when I get some time away from my kids - babysitters are awesome.

 

I would desperately love it if my 3 month old would take a bottle.

 

I don't travel with cloth and think those who do are a touch crazy.  (Did it once, never again!)

 

 

post #40 of 468

I feel like mothering is the best place to come for NFP/AP/GD info sharing and I would hate if it became more mainstream to please or appease the more mainstream moms.  That's not the purpose of MDC IMO.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post



nod.gif I've not been in tears but have been upset by people jumping down my throat for not conforming to the perfect AP standard. It ticks me off how a person can just hide behind "Well, there are other mainstream boards if you want to have views like that" instead of actually considering somebody else's parenting choices as valid, for them.

 

Whatever happened to live and let live? Barring any actual child abuse (And no, that does not include formula feeding no matter how you slice it.) I don't see why all the extreme judgement and holier-than-thou even has to come into play. 

 

Why not bring more "mainstream" people in from other boards so they can be exposed to new ideas instead of kicking them to the curb for not quite making that mark. 
 

 



 

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