Originally Posted by alittlesandy
Yeah, I've had it with "Take your not-so-pure AP-ish approach to a more mainstream forum." I can't get good advice in those forums! Mothering is wonderful. I am deeply in love with the community here, including the people who UC and never let a speck of plastic in their house. God bless people who are that committed! I am floored by how extreme some people are, in a good way! I ADMIRE YOU!!! I AM JEALOUS OF YOU!!!
However, I have never, in all my life, EVER fit in. I don't fit in completely here, and I certainly don't fit in at the more mainstream forums.
I need a safe place to talk about how to pump and bottle feed at 4 weeks when I HAVE to go back to work at 5 weeks, instead of being shut down with a single comment, "Mama, you should never offer a bottle before six weeks." I can't get help with this in a mainstream forum.
I want advice about wraps AND strollers. Cosleeping AND cribs.
I don't long for the "old days" of Mothering, because I am deeply relieved to know there are others like me. EVERYONE in my local mom's group had a homebirth, shunned bottles, still cosleeps, and don't own cribs or strollers. I think, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT WENT WRONG???
Thank god these boards have not remained "pure to the ideals of AP/NFL" because otherwise I would be LOST...
I just want you to know that I really like you and think you are super sweet. You have such a genuinely nice way of coming across, I think that really is special on the internet, you are just so clear and nice and I never am like "what did she mean by that".
I really want this to be a place where mamas can come and say "Guys, I gotta go back to work. Its sucks. I hate it. But I don't have a choice....how in the world do I pump and bottle feed and feel as attached as I possibly can and somehow not lose my mind in all of this!!" - THAT to me, is what an AP/Crunchy forum is REALLY all about.....we're all doing the best with what we've got and that means that many of the mamas who come here will be "crunchy in their hearts" - but pressed for time, money, etc in the "real world" and needing to take the AP "vibe" and apply it to their lives in the way they can....THIS SHOULD BE A PLACE FOR THAT!!!
But open talk about Circ on these boards? Open talk about spanking? Brazen declarations of "Yeah, I've seen all the rear facing nonsense you ladies post about, HAHA my 25 pound 10 month old is still front facing, you don't know meeeeee!" - that's honestly too much. This is not a place for that. I mean, the last one is just plain lazy, dangerous parenting - ACTUALLY *dangerous*.
Somebody equating FF to child abuse makes me sick, because I know how wrong breastfeeding can go for some people sometimes. Equating poor diet to abuse DOES make sense to me...but I'm talking about the morbidly obese child who is sucking down a liter bottle of coke like he hasn't had a drink in years in the checkout line in the store, while his mother is like "hey, how many snickers bars you want" - you know? The whole "we don't eat organic" or "sometimes we eat junk food" - for pete's sake, that's not abuse, that's just LIFE.
On the other thread, the "You might be crunchy if...." all kinds of ladies came on talking about "this feels so judgmental, you think you're so much better than me because I'm so mainstream..." - no, actually, I don't feel that at all mamas....I FEEL like I'm on a NFL forum and comparing notes on all the things that we're doing with our family to live a natural lifestyle is normal and a part of the mission of this site.
"Ha, I drive a hummer, I love sucking down gas" <---- This comment has nothing to do with parenting, it is 100% about trying to piss off the mamas who care deeply for the environment. Soooo, good job I guess? Seeing these kinds of comments just convinces me even more that some of you WANT to fight or maybe are plain insecure in your choices. What does a comment like that even MEAN about the person who says it? You drive a hummer, you know it sucks gas, you know that gas hog vehicles are not great for the environment and that dependance on fossil fuels for transportation is harmful for our planet and costly in lives and economic security and you know that a strong majority on this website work to minimize their impact environmentally for these reasons and still somehow delight in declaring, loud and proud, that you drive a hummer, all that implies, etc etc. That just doesn't make sense to me. That, to me, sounds like you just want to come here and piss on parades. I don't care that you drive a hummer. I wish you wouldn't drive it, but whatever, you know? A kind, joyful person on the planet who drives a hummer is still making a more positive impact on the earth than a meany head who drives a prius, so whatever. But I don't need to know what you drive and you know that, the only reason you said that is because you were TRYING to ruffle feathers. No one was TRYING to ruffle feathers by talking about their composting toilet.
All of these things that you guys have posted about your "more mainstream" lifestyles, they don't make me feel like I'm being judged....so how come when I talk about the lifestyle I'm leading (on a board that was created for the lifestyle choices I'm trying to make) everyone gets all "don't judge me" - I'm not judging you, I'm just living my life and coming to a board that supports my lifestyle choices to talk about that life with other like minded people. Some of you have stated you are actually grossed out by some of the choices I make or think they are gross or dangerous. Still don't feel judged or mad, because I know I'm posting on a board which explicitly supports the things I'm talking about.
I mean, what is it that some of you are trying to accomplish here? The only reason the "You might be crunchy" thread went south, was because people who seem to identify themselves as more mainstream or "middle of the road" came on and were like "zomg I'm so judged here" and the only reason this thread went south and snarky is because the very nature of starting the thread the way it was started (no matter what the OPs stated intentions were) is combative...a retaliation for the "horrible" thread about being crunchy. This board is about being crunchy. If you have crunchy stuff to talk about, talk about it. If you have stuff to talk about that is a bit less "hardcore"...no one (who is nice and in their right mind) is going to get mad at you so long as the tone is "this is my life" not "Hahaha, I drive a hummer, suck on that, earth lovers" - you know? Even if you post something that is borderline "not for this board" - if your tone is one of simply stating a fact about your life for the purposes of asking questions or getting support....it's really going to be okay.
It's the "danger zone" issues that REALLY AREN'T appropriate:
-Front facing your infant
-Spanking as a parenting choice
Really, you know, just things which are directly opposed to the intended vibe and scope of this forum...you don't have to talk about these thigns here, there is NOWHERE to talk about them! There are forums to discuss activism to COMBAT them....but they do not fit in a "YAY, circ is for ME" kind of way.
I honestly like this thread, I really and truly enjoy learning ALL ABOUT mamas here....but please don't think it's appropriate to come onto a thread about crunchiness and talk smack. If you feel judged by my crunchiness, that is on YOU, because I know most women here aren't actually looking down their noses at you being like "what an awful mother! Her kids ate macaroni!" - seriously.
Now for mine:
- I raise and kill chickens and rabbits for food (I know a lot of people think that's really un-crunchy, but I do it because if I'm going to eat meat, I want to at least take responsibility for the meat I'm eating, make sure it's a happy animal that's well fed and dies with as much comfort and dignity as possible.)
- Um, my name is AverysMomma, and I'm a total and complete sugar addict! (Seriously, I have a problem, I stash and sneak little candies all the time. Like, right now, I'm eating cheese...but Im thinking about you, dark chocolate M&Ms behind my cookbooks on the counter!!) Yeah, my kids are HFCS free, but I am NOT.
I can't really think of anything else right now....I'm sure there are some mamas here who would come to my house and think I was SOOOO mainstreamy....and many more who would come to my house and think I was so hardcore and insane for the way I live. But, we'd have a fire, listen to the loons on the lake and share some marshmallows and raw chocolate bars and wine and all have fun in the end!!