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What do you do that cancels our your NFL/AP/CRUNCHY/NON-Mainstream/MDCness? - Page 3

post #41 of 468
Thread Starter 

Because telling the truth has set me free.  Sorry if that confuses you.  BUt I didnt start THIS thread as popularity contest.  I did it to come clean that I dont fit in here, nor do I fit in on mainstream boards.  I dont fit in anywhere.  Im a giant hodgepodge of different parenting styles, and I wanted to FINALLY be able to say it here.  I have built up the courage to do so, and was creating a small space for other parents to do the same.  I have learned alot from this community, and am ever grateful for it.  But it also ticks me off that I might not belong here just because I dont conform to ALLL AP/NFL practises.  So where should I go?  Should I start my own forum?  WOOPS, that would require me to spend even MORE time at the computer.  Not very AP. 

 

Im not singling you out, dauphinette.  Your post just allowed me to answer the question that several posters have asked.  The point of THIS THREAD was to help other parents, like myself, who dont feel good enough for this forum.  I posted in nightime parenting once, back when I first found this place, and was basically told I was not being helpful for making suggestions that DIDNT include co sleeping with an 18month old attached to my breast.  Guess that left a nastier taste in my mouth then I realized. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by dauphinette View Post


I agree with this.  Why are so many people feeling such a need to get these things out in a public way on a NFL forum?  It seems wierd.  I can agree that I am not 100% where I would like to be as a mom or family, but I come here for support to strive in that direction.

So odd to me.
 



 



 

post #42 of 468


I just dont understand what there is to prove and why here?

And I also don't understand how you could not know that you are in the majority?  I actually wish more moms on MDC were crunchier/more hardcore about stuff, I find there are a lot more mainstreamers here than crazy crunchy mamas.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Because telling the truth has set me free.  Sorry if that confuses you.  BUt I didnt start THIS thread as popularity contest.  I did it to come clean that I dont fit in here, nor do I fit in on mainstream boards.  I dont fit in anywhere.  Im a giant hodgepodge of different parenting styles, and I wanted to FINALLY be able to say it here.  I have built up the courage to do so, and was creating a small space for other parents to do the same.  I have learned alot from this community, and am ever grateful for it.  But it also ticks me off that I might not belong here just because I dont conform to ALLL AP/NFL practises.  So where should I go?  Should I start my own forum?  WOOPS, that would require me to spend even MORE time at the computer.  Not very AP. 

 

Im not singling you out, dauphinette.  Your post just allowed me to answer the question that several posters have asked.  The point of THIS THREAD was to help other parents, like myself, who dont feel good enough for this forum.  I posted in nightime parenting once, back when I first found this place, and was basically told I was not being helpful for making suggestions that DIDNT include co sleeping with an 18month old attached to my breast.  Guess that left a nastier taste in my mouth then I realized. 

 



 



 

post #43 of 468

Okay... this may end up being long... because there are  lot of thoughts tumbling around in my head on this.

 

MDC wants a bigger internet prescence... well... if they want that so badly that they threw out their magazine and are now launching ALL efforts into web prescence, such as facebook, twitter, etc...

 

Then sorry, yes ALL AP/NFL is not going to be able to bring enough traffic to the site... you will get some more mainstream... you will get a good number of middle roaders, like myself, and others who were brave enough to post here.

 

If Mothering wants to continue making money and to thrive... and now that they are only a web prescence... I think they are going to have to be a bit more welcoming.  I'm not saying to advocate CIO or hitting, whatever...

 

BUT!  As someone else mentioned... to not condone c-section talk or formula feeding... well, it's going to ostracize a lot of Mom's... and a lot of potential members that could offer A LOT to other discussions here.  We are all just trying to do the best we can as Moms.

 

I have seen the comments on how formula feeding is akin to child abuse.  Let me tell you how awesome those comments are to someone like myself (and I know I'm not alone)... who is very pro-breastfeeding, and BF my DD as long as I could (until my milk dried up when I got pregnant)... but faced some very scary events... I got pre-eclampsia, almost died, had to have an emergency c-section, my baby almost died and could not breath on his own for weeks.... so he could not be put to the breast for weeks.  I pumped round the clock... nothing like setting your alarm every 2.5 hours to pump through the night while your small babe was in an isolette at the NICU...

 

I did this until he was 3 months old... until something had to give.  I'm a single Mom, with not the most supportive parents.  I could not sustain getting up every 2 hours to feed and then pump my baby... I HAD to sleep.  I also have fibromyalgia which was in a horrible flare up due to PTSD from the pre-e wonderfulness, and NO sleep, the stress of NICU, etc...

 

When I mentioned I just could not keep up with this pumping schedule anymore and felt I had to switch to formula to keep my sanity... did I get encouragment?  Uh no... I got "talk to the LC, do this and this and this..."  I DID all of that... I mean really... advocating for a Mom not to sleep at all... I had reached a point where I was unable to fully take care of myself and my 2 kids because I was so sleep deprived.  I was seriously losing my mind.

 

It just can't be so extreme.  If someone has made a non-AP/NFL decision that is right for THEIR family... they shouldn't get flamed.  The fact that the person is on Mothering at all, I think speaks volumes that they obviously CARE about being a Mom and trying to do the best they can.

 

But the constant judging and holier than thou... and the extreme BS of equating certain choices to child abuse is NOT helpful... and MDC will one day cease to exist because there are just too many peopele with too many different circumstances to be all perfect all the time.

 

If MDC hasn't noticed... activity has CRASHED here.  It used to be hard to keep up with the few boards I frequent... now I'm BORED because there has been no new content in days.  It's sad.

 

Also... most of us "middle" types aren't comfortable on a full out mainstream board... For myself this is the case.  I've tried a few out...  MDC has always felt more like home to me... it just sadly has also felt to scornful at times too.

 

Being the largest mothering board on the internet... I think there can be a middle ground found that advocates AP/NFL... but also realizes we are all HUMAN and need support in all our mothering journeys.  If MDC wants to regain activity and not wither and die off... I really think they have no choice but to consider this.

 

/end soap box rant.

 

 

*hugs*  Thank you Gina for starting this thread... I think it will end up being very eye-opening.

 

I also agree with another PP... AP isn't being all crunchy/extreme... it's Listening and doing what is BEST for your babe.  I had to FF my son in order to be a more loving and responsive Mom.  That doesn't make me non-AP.  I do my best with the cards I have.

post #44 of 468
Thread Starter 

Then that settles it, I guess.  I should go to a more mainstream board, because my mainstreaminess is polluting the NFL/APness that is this forum.  :(

 

Atleast I found Mother milk tonic and other BFing support here when I needed it.  Maybe I will need it again someday. Or I will just FB the AWSOME mamas that I have come to befriend and LUUUUUV through this community. 

post #45 of 468

Oh and for my lovely list...

 

I have a crib and stopped room-sharing with both kids around 5-ish months.

 

I FF my son. (see above rant as to why)

 

I can't afford to buy organic anything for DD and I. 

 

I buy jarred baby food (which I have also seen equated to child abuse... so sorry I only have 24 hours in a day and have to work full time to support my kids) ~ This I do try to buy the organic ones.

 

I use sposies... again, I only have 24 hours in a day.

 

I don't wear son much.  He loves the backpack carrier, but HATES the sling... the carrier KILLS my back.  :-(   I am thankful to have a stroller for long outings, or else I would not be able to go as it now really HURTS me to carry my son more than 10 minutes.  (yay fibro)

 

Most days I would not make it to bedtime if it weren't for Caillou.  :P

 

 

post #46 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Then that settles it, I guess.  I should go to a more mainstream board, because my mainstreaminess is polluting the NFL/APness that is this forum.  :(

 

Atleast I found Mother milk tonic and other BFing support here when I needed it.  Maybe I will need it again someday. Or I will just FB the AWSOME mamas that I have come to befriend and LUUUUUV through this community. 



If you go you have to tell me where!  LOL  I have yet to find a place I fit too.   Love you Gina!   *hugs*

post #47 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix~Mama View Post

Okay... this may end up being long... because there are  lot of thoughts tumbling around in my head on this.

 

MDC wants a bigger internet prescence... well... if they want that so badly that they threw out their magazine and are now launching ALL efforts into web prescence, such as facebook, twitter, etc...

 

Then sorry, yes ALL AP/NFL is not going to be able to bring enough traffic to the site... you will get some more mainstream... you will get a good number of middle roaders, like myself, and others who were brave enough to post here.

 

If Mothering wants to continue making money and to thrive... and now that they are only a web prescence... I think they are going to have to be a bit more welcoming.  I'm not saying to advocate CIO or hitting, whatever...

 

BUT!  As someone else mentioned... to not condone c-section talk or formula feeding... well, it's going to ostracize a lot of Mom's... and a lot of potential members that could offer A LOT to other discussions here.  We are all just trying to do the best we can as Moms.

 

I have seen the comments on how formula feeding is akin to child abuse.  Let me tell you how awesome those comments are to someone like myself (and I know I'm not alone)... who is very pro-breastfeeding, and BF my DD as long as I could (until my milk dried up when I got pregnant)... but faced some very scary events... I got pre-eclampsia, almost died, had to have an emergency c-section, my baby almost died and could not breath on his own for weeks.... so he could not be put to the breast for weeks.  I pumped round the clock... nothing like setting your alarm every 2.5 hours to pump through the night while your small babe was in an isolette at the NICU...

 

I did this until he was 3 months old... until something had to give.  I'm a single Mom, with not the most supportive parents.  I could not sustain getting up every 2 hours to feed and then pump my baby... I HAD to sleep.  I also have fibromyalgia which was in a horrible flare up due to PTSD from the pre-e wonderfulness, and NO sleep, the stress of NICU, etc...

 

When I mentioned I just could not keep up with this pumping schedule anymore and felt I had to switch to formula to keep my sanity... did I get encouragment?  Uh no... I got "talk to the LC, do this and this and this..."  I DID all of that... I mean really... advocating for a Mom not to sleep at all... I had reached a point where I was unable to fully take care of myself and my 2 kids because I was so sleep deprived.  I was seriously losing my mind.

 

It just can't be so extreme.  If someone has made a non-AP/NFL decision that is right for THEIR family... they shouldn't get flamed.  The fact that the person is on Mothering at all, I think speaks volumes that they obviously CARE about being a Mom and trying to do the best they can.

 

But the constant judging and holier than thou... and the extreme BS of equating certain choices to child abuse is NOT helpful... and MDC will one day cease to exist because there are just too many peopele with too many different circumstances to be all perfect all the time.

 

If MDC hasn't noticed... activity has CRASHED here.  It used to be hard to keep up with the few boards I frequent... now I'm BORED because there has been no new content in days.  It's sad.

 

Also... most of us "middle" types aren't comfortable on a full out mainstream board... For myself this is the case.  I've tried a few out...  MDC has always felt more like home to me... it just sadly has also felt to scornful at times too.

 

Being the largest mothering board on the internet... I think there can be a middle ground found that advocates AP/NFL... but also realizes we are all HUMAN and need support in all our mothering journeys.  If MDC wants to regain activity and not wither and die off... I really think they have no choice but to consider this.

 

/end soap box rant.

 

 

*hugs*  Thank you Gina for starting this thread... I think it will end up being very eye-opening.

 

I also agree with another PP... AP isn't being all crunchy/extreme... it's Listening and doing what is BEST for your babe.  I had to FF my son in order to be a more loving and responsive Mom.  That doesn't make me non-AP.  I do my best with the cards I have.



Thank you for this. You said it quite well.

 

Actually, my April 09 DDC had a whole thread on our FB group about "things that make you not fit in on MDC" and we BONDED SO MUCH over that discussion because we figured out "OMG I'm NOT a friendless weirdo"

 

For myself, it's hard to fit in anywhere (like Charlie's Angel commented) because I'm not totally crunchy but crunchy enough that mainstream parents don't want to be friends with me. I have actually LOST FRIENDS over my crunchy side. There is nowhere for us. 

post #48 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post





Thank you for this. You said it quite well.

 

Actually, my April 09 DDC had a whole thread on our FB group about "things that make you not fit in on MDC" and we BONDED SO MUCH over that discussion because we figured out "OMG I'm NOT a friendless weirdo"

 

For myself, it's hard to fit in anywhere (like Charlie's Angel commented) because I'm not totally crunchy but crunchy enough that mainstream parents don't want to be friends with me. I have actually LOST FRIENDS over my crunchy side. There is nowhere for us. 

 

I have lost friends over my "crunchy" side too (co-slept at all, even though I didn't for long) and breastfeeding my DD past 6 months.  Yeah.  lol

 

It's hard being in the middle.
 

 

post #49 of 468
Thread Starter 

Hmmmmmm, PM had an AWSOME idea.  Its sounding like, better and better the more I think about it. 

 

I love you, PM.  And Kas, and Ldavis, and Rightkindofme, and every other MDC mama I have "met" in this forum that has shown me nothing but love, understanding, commiseration (that one helps the most, because lets face it, misery loves company) and support.  You are my soulmates, and will forever be in my heart as the TRUE MDC family that I will always cherish!  luxlove.gif

post #50 of 468



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix~Mama View Post

Okay... this may end up being long... because there are  lot of thoughts tumbling around in my head on this.

 

MDC wants a bigger internet prescence... well... if they want that so badly that they threw out their magazine and are now launching ALL efforts into web prescence, such as facebook, twitter, etc...

 

Then sorry, yes ALL AP/NFL is not going to be able to bring enough traffic to the site... you will get some more mainstream... you will get a good number of middle roaders, like myself, and others who were brave enough to post here.

 

If Mothering wants to continue making money and to thrive... and now that they are only a web prescence... I think they are going to have to be a bit more welcoming.  I'm not saying to advocate CIO or hitting, whatever...

 

BUT!  As someone else mentioned... to not condone c-section talk or formula feeding... well, it's going to ostracize a lot of Mom's... and a lot of potential members that could offer A LOT to other discussions here.  We are all just trying to do the best we can as Moms.

 

I have seen the comments on how formula feeding is akin to child abuse.  Let me tell you how awesome those comments are to someone like myself (and I know I'm not alone)... who is very pro-breastfeeding, and BF my DD as long as I could (until my milk dried up when I got pregnant)... but faced some very scary events... I got pre-eclampsia, almost died, had to have an emergency c-section, my baby almost died and could not breath on his own for weeks.... so he could not be put to the breast for weeks.  I pumped round the clock... nothing like setting your alarm every 2.5 hours to pump through the night while your small babe was in an isolette at the NICU...

 

I did this until he was 3 months old... until something had to give.  I'm a single Mom, with not the most supportive parents.  I could not sustain getting up every 2 hours to feed and then pump my baby... I HAD to sleep.  I also have fibromyalgia which was in a horrible flare up due to PTSD from the pre-e wonderfulness, and NO sleep, the stress of NICU, etc...

 

When I mentioned I just could not keep up with this pumping schedule anymore and felt I had to switch to formula to keep my sanity... did I get encouragment?  Uh no... I got "talk to the LC, do this and this and this..."  I DID all of that... I mean really... advocating for a Mom not to sleep at all... I had reached a point where I was unable to fully take care of myself and my 2 kids because I was so sleep deprived.  I was seriously losing my mind.

 

It just can't be so extreme.  If someone has made a non-AP/NFL decision that is right for THEIR family... they shouldn't get flamed.  The fact that the person is on Mothering at all, I think speaks volumes that they obviously CARE about being a Mom and trying to do the best they can.

 

But the constant judging and holier than thou... and the extreme BS of equating certain choices to child abuse is NOT helpful... and MDC will one day cease to exist because there are just too many peopele with too many different circumstances to be all perfect all the time.

 

If MDC hasn't noticed... activity has CRASHED here.  It used to be hard to keep up with the few boards I frequent... now I'm BORED because there has been no new content in days.  It's sad.

 

Also... most of us "middle" types aren't comfortable on a full out mainstream board... For myself this is the case.  I've tried a few out...  MDC has always felt more like home to me... it just sadly has also felt to scornful at times too.

 

Being the largest mothering board on the internet... I think there can be a middle ground found that advocates AP/NFL... but also realizes we are all HUMAN and need support in all our mothering journeys.  If MDC wants to regain activity and not wither and die off... I really think they have no choice but to consider this.

 

/end soap box rant.

 

 

*hugs*  Thank you Gina for starting this thread... I think it will end up being very eye-opening.

 

I also agree with another PP... AP isn't being all crunchy/extreme... it's Listening and doing what is BEST for your babe.  I had to FF my son in order to be a more loving and responsive Mom.  That doesn't make me non-AP.  I do my best with the cards I have.



I truely do not relate to the desire to want to morph a NFL board to a more mainstream board to make more mainstream moms comfortable to be here, then it's just any other board and that is not what makes MDC special.

 

post #51 of 468

It seems you all have found plenty of middle of the road support here....

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Hmmmmmm, PM had an AWSOME idea.  Its sounding like, better and better the more I think about it. 

 

I love you, PM.  And Kas, and Ldavis, and Rightkindofme, and every other MDC mama I have "met" in this forum that has shown me nothing but love, understanding, commiseration (that one helps the most, because lets face it, misery loves company) and support.  You are my soulmates, and will forever be in my heart as the TRUE MDC family that I will always cherish!  luxlove.gif



 

post #52 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by dauphinette View Post

It seems you all have found plenty of middle of the road support here....
 

 


 

But we've had to do it undercover...by PM or on Facebook. We've had to reach out in secret hope that they're "like us" and won't freak out and block us. It took me over a year to decide to be friends with Gina. Even then I was nervous as hell to approach her and see if we held the same ideals (and had the same "faults")

post #53 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Hmmmmmm, PM had an AWSOME idea.  Its sounding like, better and better the more I think about it. 

 

I love you, PM.  And Kas, and Ldavis, and Rightkindofme, and every other MDC mama I have "met" in this forum that has shown me nothing but love, understanding, commiseration (that one helps the most, because lets face it, misery loves company) and support.  You are my soulmates, and will forever be in my heart as the TRUE MDC family that I will always cherish!  luxlove.gif


aww you made me tear up at this CA...I haven't posted in this thread yet because I haven't been on the computer until this morning but I will do my list now, just for you girl because I wasn't even going to do this! 

 

Ok, while enjoying the turbulent ride that is severe depression, I have let DD watch WAY WAY more tv than I ever wanted to. It's life, whatever.

 

DD gets motrin when she has a tooth ache. I gave up on Hylands a while ago. 

 

DD eats sugar stuff....ice cream, cake whatever, if I am eating it she can have a niblble. 

 

I will probably never use cloth diapers and I am content with her in pampers. 

 

I will probably send her to public school.

 

I am only breastfeeding this long because she loves it and if I had my way I would have weaned her a while ago but I don't have the heart to.

 

I think baby wearing a toddler who would rather be on the ground is stooopid. DD stopped getting worn about the time she started really walking around and now only on a rare occasion does she go into the backpack..

 

We use a stroller and it's awesome not having 30 lbs of sweaty kid strapped to my back when it's 90 degrees out.

 

I use regular cleaning products, lots of paper towels and disposable pads for myself. We work on composting but we are lazy about it and if I could afford it I would have a big gas guzzling pick up truck because it would be highly useful to our family!

 

 

Dauphitte, have you seen some of the UC threads on here? I find it amusing you think MDC isn't crunchy enough at this point...

 

post #54 of 468
Thread Starter 

And really, FOUR or FIVE is plenty? 

 

Out of...............How many members does MDC have?  640,000 or some such number.  ALOT.  I have a couple of posters in my followed members that have LEFT MDC.  They are wonderful mothers, were seeking help, got burned alive from this community, and are GONE.  I miss them.  I wanted to help them.  But I only have MDC as a means to reach out to them.  And if they arent logging on, well.........

 

And Im pretty sure I never said I wanted MDC to be mainstream (and neither did anyone else).  I joined because it WASNT mainsteam.  I have always thought outside the box and not conformed to stand in line with the rest of the trends (unless of course your talking about fashion.  I love me some trendy new outfits.  Oooops, thats prolly another strike against me)  

post #55 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post




 

But we've had to do it undercover...by PM or on Facebook. We've had to reach out in secret hope that they're "like us" and won't freak out and block us. It took me over a year to decide to be friends with Gina. Even then I was nervous as hell to approach her and see if we held the same ideals (and had the same "faults")

 

THIS!  Totally this.   In fact I didn't know you were middle until this thread, AFWife.  lol   *hugs*
 

 

post #56 of 468

I have learned a lot from MDC about AP...it truly has shaped how I parent but there is a tipping point and I came to that point and now I am backing off a little bit. I used to be so much more militant than I am now...Now I am just trying to be a good mom and not screw up DD too much with my own issues.

post #57 of 468
I've been here a looong time - pre-crash, even - and I've never felt like I shouldn't be here because I don't do enough crunchy stuff. I think maybe people feel more judged than they really are? I guess I think people who are judging others often do that because they feel insecure about their own choices, and they feel more secure if they can tell themselves that they're doing it right and other people are wrong. I just don't see much of that here, though, or maybe I don't pay it much mind. When it comes up I've always been pretty open about my choices to have a hospital birth, use disposable diapers, Western biomedicine, childcare , pacifiers, network TV, fast food, and so on... but I don't generally feel the need to bring stuff up out of context here.

On the other hand, Mothering isn't the be-all and end-all of my internet world. Its function is to be a place to discuss AP/NFL, and while sometimes other stuff comes up (news, baby names, all of TAO), I've never really thought of it as a place to talk about stuff that's directly opposed to AP/NFL. That would be like, say, going to a homeschooling board and wanting to talk about your kid's school, or vice versa. There's nothing wrong with either choice - school or homescholl - but the place seems wrong to me. That's not saying people should hide things - if someone on a homeschool board is asked how many kids she has, for example, she might say, 'Two, but only one is homeschooled' and that would be the end of it, unless she followed up with 'and I'm having trouble deciding whether I want to homeschool them both next year' or something.

So if I want to talk about other stuff, I go elsewhere, not because I feel judged about it here but because this isn't a board for that. When I want to talk about more AP/NFL stuff, I come here. It's worked well for me...
post #58 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post

.

So if I want to talk about other stuff, I go elsewhere, not because I feel judged about it here but because this isn't a board for that. When I want to talk about more AP/NFL stuff, I come here. It's worked well for me...

This. exactly. There are plenty of places to go to talk about everything else I like, and all the nonAP stuff that I do. But, Mothering is really it for having a place to go to discuss AP issues. If I have a problem breastfeeding my kid, I can ask questions here without the immediate response being "Oh, just switch to forumla , you had a good run bfing." I dont want people to advocate formula unless the situation is necessary.
post #59 of 468

I haven't read the responses - I think most of mine are NFL. I think of most AP stuff as baby stuff and my kiddo is 6 now.

 

I love my Ped.

Mac and cheese is my friend.

I think a bouncy seat is a NECESSITY.

I don't deny my child Spider Man and other licensed characters.

I lovingly hold my great-niece and feed her a bottle.

I don't cut off my mainstream friends. They are good people and fabulous parents.

I have no problem telling my kiddo to go back to his own bed, me and DH are having an adult conversation.

 

I'm sure I could go on and on...

 

 

 

post #60 of 468
Quote:
Originally Posted by dauphinette View Post



 



I truely do not relate to the desire to want to morph a NFL board to a more mainstream board to make more mainstream moms comfortable to be here, then it's just any other board and that is not what makes MDC special.

 


What is it you want MDC to be then? A place for anybody that doesn't adhere completely to AP/NFL beliefs to be ostracized and excluded? Isn't that one of the main complaints of MDC moms in regards to mainstream boards? That we're made to feel like freaks for not being mainstream enough? Well by all means let's not strive to be better than other messageboards across the interweb, we'll just be the flip side of that nasty, dirty coin.
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