My kids are teens. I do tell them good job when they did a good job.
I'm a newbie here, what does GD and DDC stand for? Thanks!
I have not been too much more than a lurker here, but I have found some great support in the DDCs and GD forum. GD is the most difficult aspect of AP for me, but I firmly believe in it, and I am thankful that the GD forum is here for me to be able to read or ask a question about something that I'm finding especially challenging. Same thing for homeschooling -- I don't have a lot of local support for that. There was only one response I remember feeling taken aback and ashamed/wrist-slapped because of. I tend to stay out of heated debates, even if it's about something I am passionate about.
I am a huge fan of Dr. Sears' saying: "Do what works for your family."
I think this thread is great. It is a way for those of us that feel slightly out of place/less than perfect here to feel more encouraged that we are "normal." My crunchiness has evolved over the years, maybe in part thanks to MDC. So, on that note:
- I have MAJOR issues with Alfie Kohn. I simply don't think following him to a tee is realistic, and I have purposely distanced myself from that guilt-trip.
- I yell and cuss.
- We eat a LOT of fast food, when we can afford it (and sometimes when we can't).
- We go through a lot of ibuprofen around here. I use it to treat teething, among other things, and DH and I go through a 500ct bottle about every 3 months.
- We also use plenty of other conventional medications (sometimes after trying alternative treatments, sometimes as a first choice, depending on the ailment).
- I am absolutely not opposed to the use of Artificial Baby Containers, as long as the baby is happy with it. I have been...errr...blessed...with high-need babies and if I can get 5 minutes out of the Jump-a-roo, I am thankful.
- I use the TV as a babysitter sometimes.
- I use paper towels for greasy/oily messes, raw meat juice messes, and sometimes just "regular" messes. And we use toilet paper.
- We use disposable pull-ups because toddler poop is disgusting and makes the whole diaper load harder to get clean.
- I use bleach for mildew (and "stripping" diapers), and caustic blue stuff in our toilets.
- We have 2 vehicles, both of which get about 14-17mpg.
- I "gave up" on breastfeeding before 1 year with my first 3 children. I regret it, but am learning not to feel guilty about it anymore.
- I had 3 hospital births (babies # 2, 3, & 4).
I could go on, but I won't -- I think I have gone on long enough! Thanks for this thread; it feels like I have a giant weight off my shoulders!
I don't get Alfie Kohn.
I don't get Naomi Aldort.
DH and I both work and I would work full time if I could. Right now I have Fridays off but child care costs the same four days or five. I send them more than half the time just so I can get something done.
I eat meat from the grocery store.
I want DS out of our bed.
DD is vaxed.
DD not only goes to public school, but to an alternative program public school called "traditional learning" which involves uniforms and learning to read in kindergarten. I looked at the Montessori school and didn't get it.
I love Oxy-Clean.
I never figured out how to wash diapers really well in our front loader so DS is in disposables.
I had two hospital births with doctors and DD was a c-section.
Question, why is it "bad" to praise your kids or tell them, "good job". I am asking out of genuine curiosity, not bc I am looking for anyone to defend that opinion! Also, I have read some people referencing how they let their kids enjoy licensed characters, why is that bad?
Research has shown that when kids are rewarded for behaviors, they are less likely to choose those same behaviors. Rewards lower intrinsic motivation. Praise is a type of reward.
However, I personally am a middle ground person on pretty much everything. These ideas are detailed in a book called "Punished by Rewards" by Kohn (which you can most likely get through the library). I've read the book and got some good stuff out of it, but *for me* not praising at all felt cold and unnatural, so I tell my kids how freakin awesome they are. They are now teens and they are good kids. May be they would have even more "intrinsic motivation" if I had done things differently -- there's really no way to say.
But reading the book and exploring this concept made me more mindful in my interactions with my kids, and I think that's a good thing. I can also see how someone could review all that same material on the subject and come to a completely different conclusion. My parents never praised me because they ARE really cold, so I have that associated that another parent might not have. \
I don't think licensed characters are a big deal, and though my kids are past that phase now, when they were little they played with Barbie and PollyPocket. They wanted to and I felt honoring their desire to select their own toys was more important than avoiding cheap plastic crap from China (which is what most toys are).
GD is gentle discipline. For me, it is one of the biggies of the site. Although there is tremendous range in parenting here, I think that unless a parent sees the value in GD and is at least striving to implement it, they may ultimately feel that they don't fit in. Many people fail to live up to their ideals 100% of the time, and post of "this is what I did, but I'm not crazy about how I handled it, how could I do it differently next time?" are usually treated kindly.
Different people define GD slightly differently, but basically the idea is that big people hitting little people is never right.
DDC -- I think it is "due date club," but I'm not totally sure.
I like (most of ) this thread! I contradict myself/crunchiness/APness/NPness....
- My first DC is circ'ed
- My first DC is partially vaccinated
- We eat meat relatively often
- I weaned my DS young, though my DD is on a CLW path
- We use paper towels
- DD sleeps in a crib in her own room half of the night
- I use soap and deodorant
- I often use conventional cleaning products
- DS definitely knows what a time out is
- I have 5 wraps/carriers that I love & use... but I also really love my double stroller!
I use disposable diapers most of the time.
We eat meat.
Most of our produce is non-organic.
I love Febreze.
Our kids go to public school.
I like this thread.... I feel like a lot of AP parents can put out a "holier than thou" (or maybe "crunchier than thou";)) energy that can make other moms feel judged or inadequate!
Heh. This thread is 8 months old. Now I know what inspired some other comments else where on this board.
I think this is already true. A good portion of the human population is here because of GMOs, and this has been true for maybe ...40 years? Or there abouts.
- I raise and kill chickens and rabbits for food (I know a lot of people think that's really un-crunchy, but I do it because if I'm going to eat meat, I want to at least take responsibility for the meat I'm eating, make sure it's a happy animal that's well fed and dies with as much comfort and dignity as possible.)
Actually, in my mind this is totally 'crunchy', and I really admire this and appreciate it, wish I could do something similar. Wish we could have some egg layers, at least.
I've been here for 10 years. I stay here for the support, but also because I think some of the more extreme examples of AP and natural family living and 'crunchiness' are entertaining. I'm not a hairy mama, I'm not a dready mama, I don't smoke pot, not in a million years would I use elimination communication. That's alright, I like reading about it, it supports this idealized hippy world 'out there' that I appreciate. I'm grateful I've got sisters who are keeping up a gentle non-mainstream lifestyle.
Edited to add, I appreciate that MDC has defined a simple core, that certain issues will NOT be supported, like spanking and cio. I'm glad that there is something that I can point to and say, that is not what MDC is about.
I love this kind of thread. It helps me guilt myself less about not living up to my own ideals.
Daughter was born in a hospital, attended by a CNM. I respect birth, but I don't trust it.
We cloth diaper now, but we didn't before she sized into BumGenius--prefolds made us craaaazy and I don't want to shell out for sized newborn diapers, so we'll probably do the same with the next baby.
We don't eat all organic/free range/whole wheat/fair trade/non-hormonally-treated/whatever. I'm trying to improve our eating overall, but it's incremental change, and discovering brands we like and learning to cook differently is a process.
I don't SAH, and I don't want to. Work helps keep me sane.
We breastfeed and I pump to donate, but she does get bottles when I'm at work (eta: containing pumped milk, but still bottles). I do advocate breastfeeding to others, but tell them not to feel guilty if they try and it doesn't work out. After a rough-ish start breastfeeding is easy as pie for us, and if it had been challenging, I'd probably have quit somewhere around the SNS and nipple shields and before the Domperidone and EPing.
Daughter uses a pacifier.
We have a crib, sidecarred. While she sometimes sleeps in our bed, on me, we don't plan to continue this state of affairs indefinitely.
We have an MD and a regular dentist.
I use fluoride for myself. Daughter doesn't have any teeth yet, but whether I do later for her will depend in large part on what the dentist recommends.
I believe conventional medicines, herbs, natural products, non-pharmacological treatment, and no treatment all have their pros and cons, and I choose the best for the situation without reference to which is most "crunchy". I'm a pharmacist. My profession is about helping patients use medications, herbs, and natural products in appropriate ways.
Daughter has received all but one vaccination on schedule, and I plan to continue. Also, I personally vaccinate others as part of my job, and recommend vaccines where appropriate.
I don't use or recommend homeopathics. Scientifically, they are placebos.
We are doing mostly baby-led weaning, but it's more due to laziness on my part.
I'll limit daughter's sugar intake like I limit mine, but she'll get some sugar as she gets older. I think I binge on sugar now because I hardly ever got it as a child, and I don't think that's healthy.
So I hold no illusions that I'm crunchier than thou, but I am crunchier than a lot of the people I deal with on a daily basis, because I do breastfeed, baby-wear, intentionally gave birth without any drugs, don't do CIO, and strive towards an eating and living style that's gentler for the planet. Hence why I hang out here despite the above stuff. I just like being in a place where it isn't assumed that you CIO, want an epidural, etc.