Questions about night weaning...

[expat-mama]

My DS is 11 months old. I'm pretty sure we are not ready to nightwean yet and I know Dr Jay Gordon and others say 1 year at least, but I am considering it for the near future. DS has had some good nights lately, so knock-on-wood, I hope we are headed in the right direction, but usually he still has at least 3-8 wakings from 10pm-5 am (and a couple more before we are even in bed ourselves) and we are really over being completely exhausted all the time. I'm not the mom I want to be when I'm so tired- I feel like part of my life has been on hold while we deal with the repercussions from sleep deprivation. If things don't improve, something must be done- so I'm gearing up for it. I've read Jay Gordon's night weaning plan already and I guess we'll try that when the time comes. But I have a few questions for any night weaning veterans out there-

Has anyone night weaned a very frequent waker only to find that he/she still woke up but just didn't need to nurse to be put down? Then did you regret night weaning? (or did you just go back to nursing at night?)

Did night weaning your LO help them to fall asleep (initially, for the night) without nursing?

How many nights did it take you?

Is it a bad idea to try nightweaning before a long vacation away from home?

What are reasons NOT to nightwean a one year old??? (This question I am really hoping someone will address)

Is there any way to lessen the little one's trauma (for lack of a better word) and my own heartbreak during night weaning?

I might think of more questions, so I hope it's ok if I add more later. I'm really thinking deeply about this. I really wanted to do child-led weaning, but I just don't think that is going to work for us and I'm pretty bummed about it. 

I'll appreciate your responses a lot...THANKS.

[expat-mama]

Anyone?

[princesstutu]

I'll answer what I can.  I nightweaned dd (16 months old) a month ago.  I read the websites and talked with other mamas.  I, too, was tired of being tired, but also her dentist recommended it.

So...

I think 12 months old can be too young, but it really depends on the kid and why the kid is nursing at night.  Some babies just like to have the nipple in their mouth.  Some babes actually need the nutrition.  Some babies would sleep better themselves if they night-weaned and so it would work for everyone.  I think only the parents can figure that out. 

As far as trauma...just because something is uncomfortable doesn't mean it's traumatic.  Night weaning is not going to traumatize your child unless the child seriously needs to nurse all night and you will be able to figure that out within the first 3 nights of trying, I'm sure.  Your heartbreak is another issue altogether.  You will have to buck up.  If you truly feel this needs to be done, do it.  Discomfort isn't going to kill either of you. 

It took us one night to night wean.  One night and a couple setbacks. LOL  The first night was the hardest.  And, that "hardest" only last about 3-4 hours.  (1 hour of her crying, 2-3 hours of me feeling guilty as she slept with that jagged sighing post-hard crying sleep...but she was crying because she wanted her way, not because she needed me and I knew the difference)

Oh, and night-weaning and child-led weaning are two, different things.  Lots of people who CLW night-wean. 

No, it is not a bad idea to nightwean prior to a long vacay.  Actually, I think it's a good idea, b/c that way you will have a bedtime routine in place prior to going and you can do it on the vacay and baby can fall asleep easier in a new place because the routine is still in effect. 

Night weaning definitely helped my LO fall asleep without nursing. Used to be, she would never think of going to sleep without nursing.  Not on purpose, anyway.  Now, though, I can put her down in her bed (she has her own bed now!), kiss her goodnight, turn out the light, and she goes to sleep.  I don't even have to nurse her for a bit and then take her off right before she falls asleep.  It's great!

She still wakes at night, so nightweaing may not stop that for you.  But, I can help her go back to sleep without nursing her.  I comfort her back to sleep.  I read that on somebody's website. LOL  Granted, sometimes we slip up and next thing I know, I'm waking up in the morning and she's in bed with me, nursing away.  It's okay, though.  I'm obviously getting more sleep since I don't even know this is happening when it starts!

All that said, I would not nightwean a 12 month old.  Personal preference.  I think they are way too young, emotionally.  That could just be my babies, though.  I wouldn't speak for anyone else's child if that child's parent feels differently, you know?  I would (and do) wait until 15 months old.  I feel a lot changes in those 3 months... developmentally.  I see a difference between a 12 month old and a 15 month old as far as what they can handle emotionally and cognitively.  I think a 15mo can understand things like nightweaning better than a 12mo.  If your child can understand object permanence, I think the child is probably a good candidate for nightweaning.

Good luck!

[expat-mama]

Thanks soo much for your reply princess! You gave me some things to think about. Reading about your experience is a big help.

I know Dr Gordon's plan says to choose a 7 hr period. I've been discussing with DH and thinking maybe we could start with a smaller chunk of time say 12- 4am? My DS usually wakes at 11, 1:30 and 3:30 like clockwork to nurse. (Then again at 4 and 5.) Sometimes my DH can comfort him back to sleep, sometimes not. If we could cut out those nursings at 1:30 and 3:30 that would be like a dream to me... this woudn't be nightweaning exactly- just cutting out some nursings. Maybe that's a good way to start. Or I wonder would it just be less confusing for DS to do a bigger chunk of time? Hmm

[carepear]

I'm curious about this as well.  I have a 10 month old that I feel really needs the nutrition at night since she is in daycare during the day and doesn't take a bottle well.  We have had weight issues and I am reluctant to night wean but it is effecting my relationship with my partner as I cosleep with N in a different room so that nursing doesn't keep him up all night.  We also have big dogs that sleep in the room with DH that are not baby safe.

He is really ready for me to sleep in the same room with him.  Which I understand and want as well.  I however have a medical condition that causes chronic fatigue and I also work outside of the home so sleep is very important to me.  I am not willing to sleep in the room with him if I'm going to be up and down with her all night.  I would rather sleep in her room and get at least some sleep.

I'm fearful that night weaning will take away our easy button.  Its so easy to roll her towards me and nurse her and if I have to actually wake up at night I might be even more tired than I already am.

Writing this out makes it seem silly to night wean.  I am not willing to do it at all until 1 year but even after that it seems like a bad idea.

[expat-mama]

Originally Posted by carepear 

I'm fearful that night weaning will take away our easy button.  Its so easy to roll her towards me and nurse her and if I have to actually wake up at night I might be even more tired than I already am.

Writing this out makes it seem silly to night wean.  I am not willing to do it at all until 1 year but even after that it seems like a bad idea.

Sounds like a rough situation.

And I totally feel you on taking away the "easy button"! It's frightening isn't it?

We have a thread in the Life with a Babe Forum where some of us have gotten together to hopefully gather tips and support about nightweaning. It hasn't gotten much response but it's nice to have a few of us in the same boat.

Come on over: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1318644/early-night-weaning
 

[etsdtm99]

I have nightweaned 2 kiddos - both due to pregnancy, 1st DD at 18 mo and DS at about 23 mo .. 

Has anyone night weaned a very frequent waker only to find that he/she still woke up but just didn't need to nurse to be put down? Then did you regret night weaning? (or did you just go back to nursing at night?)

One of mine started sleeping all night within days - not a 7 hour stretch, but a 12 hour stretch - my DS on the other hand still woke up but just took a cup of water .. over a year post-night weaning he still wakes up at least once most nights and asks for a water cup..  since i was night weaning due to not wanting to co-sleep full time because of the new baby, i did not un-night wean..

Did night weaning your LO help them to fall asleep (initially, for the night) without nursing?

no.  both of my kids did this with age, not night weaning.. about 2.75 yrs seems to be the magic number for us ..

How many nights did it take you?

with my 18 mo old DD it took 2-3 nights - with my DS it was a week of crying, and several months before he stopped coming into our bed at night every night..

Is it a bad idea to try nightweaning before a long vacation away from home?

yes and no.. . we did that. .. it worked out.. but i think if i hadn't been pregnant i would have waited til after the trip..

What are reasons NOT to nightwean a one year old??? (This question I am really hoping someone will address)

they can't understand what is going on.. my DD at 18 mo could understand 'the milk is night night'  and she knew what morning/day time meant, she could tell me a little bit how she felt about it..i feel like that was really important to both of us, that when she was screaming and mad, she was just mad and she told me so.. and she knew i understood her..   imo its easier when they can talk to you about it, or at least when you know they understand what you are saying.. they may not understand why ..  and i did find that it was easier with my 18 mo old who didn't question why the milk was suddenly sleeping - my DS was older and though his language was not as developed as my DD's had been he just seemed to question it all more . and i also think he just wasn't ready, i think he probbaly still isn't 'ready' since he still drinks so much water at night..(he is 3!) also, for us, 10-15ish months was like.. the hump in sleep ...  once we got over it.. things were easier.. there were less night wakings at that point with both kids (until i got pregnant and then she started waking more due to my supply dropping) ..if you have a goal of CLW .. just .. try to hold out a bit longer..  there are so many things going on with a  1 yr old.. its such a transitional phase.. also, getting all the teeth in made a big difference in their sleep.. i did not night wean until my kids had all of their teeth except the 2 yr molars . i really don't feel like i pushed too hard with my DD and night weaning.. i still feel like she CLW in the end (she weaned at 37 mo of her own choice - my ds is no where near 'day'-weaning and he is 37 mo now..)

Is there any way to lessen the little one's trauma (for lack of a better word) and my own heartbreak during night weaning?

wait for the language thing.. and be prepared to lose more sleep at first while you are up comforting your LO ..