Bedtime with a 7yo, 4yo and newborn - Page 2

[eclipse]

Not to pile it on, but I co-slept with all of mine, and we didn't all go to bed at the same time. That's certainly one way to do it, but I'm not sure why you assume that everyone should just know that's what cosleeping is all about - because it's not.

I'm wondering - are you really looking for advice? Or just wanting to vent about your worries?

As for my experiences - having the older kids lie down with the lights out when the baby did was disastrous. If that's the way you want to go about it, I hope it works for you. For me, it resulted in everyone keeping each other up. I had better luck nursing the baby in a chair next the bed while the older child laid in bed trying to sleep. That worked great with a newborn, but not so well as the newborn got older. I had to do bedtime alone most of the time when I had 3 kids 4 1/2 and younger and it was really rough, so I completely understand your worries. I'm sure you guys will settle into a rhythm.

[MarineWife]

I am looking for experiences and advice from people who have been in the same situation, co-sleeping with 2+ older children and a baby. And, no, I am not expecting the older children to go to bed when the baby goes to bed. If I were expecting that, it wouldn't be a problem because, as I've said, once we all lay down and turn the lights out my LOs are both out rather quickly most of the time. I was talking about myself going to bed when my LOs do. I cannot stay awake while putting them to bed no matter what bed they are in. Neither can my dh. Maybe we are more tired than most or we require more sleep but that's how it is. My LOs can stay up much later than me and my dh so they usually follow us to bed rather than the other way around.

My concern is the baby going to sleep at say, 9 pm, and the rest of us heading up for bed at 10 pm with the boys still going. I envision the noise and commotion they create waking the baby. Then not only do I have to wrangle them into bed but I also have to attend to the baby when all I want to do is crash. That's why I think the best solution that has been mentioned so far is getting the older kids ready for bed earlier. That way all we'll have to do regardless of the time is climb into the bed, lay down and go to sleep. No worries about getting them changed or their teeth brushed while the baby is sleeping.

It just occurred to me this morning, though, that my mother, who is going to be here for about 3 weeks after baby comes, can help me with bedtime in the beginning. Hopefully, we can work something out and that will give my older boys time to adjust. I guess pg brain in combo with sleep-deprivation and a cold seriously affected my thinking.

[Dolphin]

MarineWife, I posted earlier and haven't been back to the thread.  You sound so much like me, even down to the one hyper child and one sensitive one.  I really know what you are going through...you want to meet everyone's needs as gently and completely as possible.  It also felt easier for me in the beginning to have everyone in the same room, especially when DH was out of town.  I couldn't sleep otherwise because I was worried about the older boys waking and stumbling through the house.  I think you might find, as I did, that once your baby is here, your priorities will shift a little bit towards making sure your new little one gets the sleep he/she needs.  I had to come to the solid place in my own mind where I realized that some things needed to change in order for everyone to get what they needed...sleep.  This took a while (a year?) but once I was set in my mind that the older boys needed to sleep without me (and they really did - the baby would wake them, they would wake the baby, I didn't sleep at all, it was a mess), it was easier to gently head in that direction.  They sensed from me that it was all ok, instead of getting a feeling of insecurity from me about the change.

Another thing that has really helped us, and might raise some eyebrows but has been a lifesaver, is Melatonin.  My very active 4 year old was like yours - just had a really really hard time settling down for bed.  Even if he was tired, it would take an hour to get him to settle his body enough to sleep.  At the advice of a friend whose child is diagnosed with ADHD, I tried a very small dose of Melatonin.  It was like a miracle.  Instead of flopping/jumping/talking/constant motion for an hour trying to settle for bed, he was drowsy and heading towards bed immediately.  I'm not sure how you feel about it, but I researched it thoroughly and found it to be an acceptable option.

Now when dh is out of town and it's all me (even though baby is older now), I will spend time tucking the older boys in bed, reading books, and turn off the lights and just bounce/walk with the baby, singing bedtime songs, until everyone drifts off to sleep.  You might find that you can still do all of this with everyone in the same room, but that wasn't working for us.

I hope some of this helps.  I think there will be some growing pains but you can make it work while still respecting your older boys' need for nighttime parenting.  Feel free to PM me if you want to vent.

[ctyankee]

Best advice I've read here yet; pity the OP isn't interested in advice, only commiseration.

[To-Fu]

Just a reminder to posters to respond with respect and kindness. 

It sounds like the OP is having a tough time right now and her heart may not be as open to all advice-giving approaches as it would be in other circumstances.  OP, it seems like you've received some pretty good tips here, so hopefully you'll get some relief soon and can see the good intentions of the folks who mean well and want to answer your call for help. 

Problematic posts have been removed.  Thanks y'all for understanding.