Oh Vivica, this is just so hard and unfair and I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. You too, sweet Sourire. My situation is a little different (I have a diagnosis) but emotionally I feel so much like what you wrote. I have to be honest, I am done being patient. I have been so patient and positive for two years and now I am done. Now, I am just sad and angry and I don't want to feel any other way, until this feeling passes. We wanted to space our children 3 years apart or so, and I was never so arrogant as to think that it would happen precisely as we planned. But now DS is nearly four and I cry looking at him, so big, and no sibling to play with, to love and learn with. I have always wanted a big family, I have always had that wish at the forefront of all my actions, and now this. I never put anything before my family, not money, not "fun," not freedom, not career, nothing. I wish I had good advice on how to get through this, but all I have is a heart full of deeply felt empathy. But maybe also this. I can do this as long as I feel like things are moving forward, like there is true hope and not false hope. My condition took a long time to diagnose but it is very treatable - that gave me hope waiting to get the meds right. I had monitored cycles and got good news about my treatment, and that knowledge helped me stay positive. Now I don't know what's going on with me, and it's killing me. Vivica, if you can and you want to, I would search for medical answers. Not knowing is so hard.
You are in my thoughts. And thank you for sharing this. I am feeling so similar and it helps to have words for my feelings. How I hope we all get to meet our already-loved little ones soon.