why am i not pregnant yet!!!?!?!?! *vent*

[vivica2]

  i ovulate, i have a clear temp shift, i have fertile CM, i BD in the window- different day on different cycles, i take my vitamins, i eat super healthy, i chart, i use opk's, iv been patient for 14 months already!!!!,  I'm young (29), I'm financially stable, I'm (mostly ;)) emotionally stable, i really want this baby!!!! so why isn't it happening?????? my family is not complete....i can feel it....were missing 2 people.... why cant i meet them!?

I'm so so so sad to think that my body is broken. 

any advice for getting thru this???

-viv-

chart here: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1b07bd

 

[Sourire]

oh honey, I know exactly how you feel

I am struggling with the same feelings, and I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

I am working very hard on letting go of the idea that I need a baby RIGHT NOW (even though this is very very hard for me). I know I will have my baby eventually if I am patient enough.

Actually just yesterday I went and found the old iPod shuffle that I got for free a few years ago (it had been sitting in the back of a drawer ever since), went on iTunes and downloaded a bunch of free guided meditation podcasts (they are about 20 minutes long), and decided to do 1 meditation every night before bed... in hopes that this will help me feel more at peace about the way things are going for me right now. My first meditation went GREAT and let me tell you I slept like a baby afterwards :)

[gozal]

Oh Vivica, this is just so hard and unfair and I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. You too, sweet Sourire. My situation is a little different (I have a diagnosis) but emotionally I feel so much like what you wrote. I have to be honest, I am done being patient. I have been so patient and positive for two years and now I am done. Now, I am just sad and angry and I don't want to feel any other way, until this feeling passes. We wanted to space our children 3 years apart or so, and I was never so arrogant as to think that it would happen precisely as we planned. But now DS is nearly four and I cry looking at him, so big, and no sibling to play with, to love and learn with. I have always wanted a big family, I have always had that wish at the forefront of all my actions, and now this. I never put anything before my family, not money, not "fun," not freedom, not career, nothing. I wish I had good advice on how to get through this, but all I have is a heart full of deeply felt empathy. But maybe also this. I can do this as long as I feel like things are moving forward, like there is true hope and not false hope. My condition took a long time to diagnose but it is very treatable - that gave me hope waiting to get the meds right. I had monitored cycles and got good news about my treatment, and that knowledge helped me stay positive. Now I don't know what's going on with me, and it's killing me. Vivica, if you can and you want to, I would search for medical answers. Not knowing is so hard.

You are in my thoughts. And thank you for sharing this. I am feeling so similar and it helps to have words for my feelings. How I hope we all get to meet our already-loved little ones soon.

[Gemmine]

you are definitely not alone. though I've been charting only since january, I was trying much of 2010 as well. then to get pregnant and miscarry in march was devastating. I've been having a rough few weeks lately. it hurts to see those around me getting pregnant with ease and here I am with nothing. I just have to believe it will get better but it's like a black hole of despair at times..

[vivica2]

im bawling over here reading your posts. im so sorry you feel the same way ladies, because it just sucks. 

[monkeyscience]

vivica2, it looks like you already found us, but any of the rest of you who are long-haul TTCers, you're more than welcome at Bitter Sushi Ladies. Despite the name, there is no negative-thinking requirement to be a member, but it's a place where we welcome and embrace venting about the difficulties of our TTC journey, and the difficulties of watching everyone else magically get pregnant by just looking at a man. Please feel free to join in the thread there if you want to!

[Sourire]

Thanks for the invite monkeyscience... if the clomid doesn't work for me this month I will most likely be joining you ladies... I've been stalking you guys for long enough already ;)

[yoyonana]

hi vivica, jus wanna tell you, u are not alone ! i have been on the TTC journey for almost 3 years, complete all kinda test, Bd at the right time, use OPK, vitamins, exercise,  etc etc,  i understand how you feel right now, cos i m feeling despair too on my 10dpo. no sign of early pregnancy symptom except PMS .... i used to be so mad at myself and DH every month when AF arrive...I cry everytime when i saw the light bleeding, uncontrol emotion and getting to the side of depression...but i try to calm down myself by reading this women daily devotionals,  by reading this everyday it helps strengthen my faith and reduce my pain,http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/  

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/ 

[Gemmine]

monkeyscience: I too, have been lurking on BSL since I joined. I just don't know if I've been "trying" "long enough" to be welcomed, but I certainly have the bitterness.

[cygknit]

Viv, I hear you, too. I don't understand why this can't be a science, and if you perform each step just right then you get a baby. I hate the 9 million fricken' variables, and I hate the not knowing.

Then, I'm TTC #3, too, and that makes me both crazy and lucky. I see all the mamas trying for #1 and I look over and see these adorable kids of mine, and all I can do is stop whining. Then, I get angry all the more because I HAVE two kids, why is this one-to-be being so dang stubborn?!

No advice but to just be here and not be alone in it.

[BubbleMa]

I can't really complain because we've only been trying for a few cycles.  But I've wanted another baby since DD was 6 months old.  She's 9 now!  The timing was never right before (her dad and I had a rocky marriage and then divorced when she was 4).  But now I've found my soul mate.  Our relationship is wonderful.  We have a nice place to live with good schools.  We have a good income.  We have a great support system.  We even have a minivan for crying out loud!  It's so frustrating that it's not happening as easily as I always assumed it would.  Then I see these women who don't even like being mothers and they're popping babies out left and right.  I despise this saying, but "it's not fair!"

Thanks for letting me vent, even though I really don't have a right to.  I'm feeling very sorry for myself today.

[marmo]

I may join the bitter sushi ladies soon, too.  I'm in the same boat, we're on our 15th cycle now.  I'm in the 2ww, and DREADING af.  I feel so broken hearted every damn time.  I'm having a hard time being around or even seeing beautiful pg bellies.  We don't know why it's not happening, either.  Everything LOOKS good, we've started preliminary IF testing and don't see any problems jumping out at us.  Not sure if you've seen a dr, but it does make me feel better that we're taking steps in attempt to take action.  Otherwise, my dear, loving and well meaning friends try to comfort me by pointing out that it'll be easier when dd is a little older, blah blah blah.  That really just hurts more than it helps.  I want answers, or to know that it will happen, and within whatever time frame. Big fat ??? marks suck!!!  *hugs*

[Vegan Princess]

I've been TTC #2 for about as long. I do know I have some issues but I was FLOORED to find out that DH has a low count. Has your DH been tested? That could be a good reason. I sort of poo pooed the idea since we have a daughter that was conceived in a reasonable amount of time - but now I think maybe we got lucky with her.

Cindy

[Sourire]

for everyone feeling down about TTC... this website is a great way to get cheered up!!!!

www.999reasonstolaugh.com

[Stayseeliz]

Viv-I'm sorry you're having a hard time ttc. I had the same thing happen with #3. Two early losses and a year of ttc almost drove me batty. Have you been to an RE? When I finally broke down and went to an RE is when I had success.  We did Clomid, bd every day from one day before ovulation to 3 days after and did an HCG shot AFTER I o'd to trick my body into thinking it was pregnant to give the baby time in implant so I wouldn't m/c. Thinking about all of you. TTC is so hard. Hang in there!

[vivica2]

so sorry you are all feeling so sad about it. but thanks for making me feel not alone!

sourire- OMG!!!! that website is gold!!!!!  lol~

[Calycanth]

I'm right there with you.  We started trying in March 2010, conceived in April 2010 (which made me think this was going to be a quick and easy process - I could not have been more wrong!), miscarried in May 2010, and haven't had any luck since.  The optimism and excitement I felt when we started TTC is long gone. 

Monkeyscience, I also lurk on the BSL thread.  Maybe it's time to make my presence known.

[yoyonana]

hi vivica , i m back for my 2ww, how are yu.....todai is my hopeless 1dpIUI...lets give each other a big hug and support...

[naturallyspeaking]

Thank you for the devotional website.  I needed this and I signed up daily emails.

Today was my 21 DPO (34 CD) and finally AF showed up.  This is my longest cycle so far.

Originally Posted by yoyonana 
 

hi vivica, jus wanna tell you, u are not alone ! i have been on the TTC journey for almost 3 years, complete all kinda test, Bd at the right time, use OPK, vitamins, exercise,  etc etc,  i understand how you feel right now, cos i m feeling despair too on my 10dpo. no sign of early pregnancy symptom except PMS .... i used to be so mad at myself and DH every month when AF arrive...I cry everytime when i saw the light bleeding, uncontrol emotion and getting to the side of depression...but i try to calm down myself by reading this women daily devotionals,  by reading this everyday it helps strengthen my faith and reduce my pain,http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/  

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/ 

[yoyonana]

hi naturallyspeaking, am glad tt you were reading this website , cos it helps put my mind and pain at ease , especially during the 2WW when we need support the most. Wow, u r such a lucky women... 2 Son and 1 Daughter,  i m so envy and also happy for you at the same time !!