I'm so sorry for everything your going through-- all of you ladies that have posted 
. I just started on this journey and I come to these forums for support and advice and it's such a wonderful, supportive community. It's so great to have a place to vent these feelings when in daily life it seems there is no support. The questions posed here are questions I contemplate often... I work in the maternal child health field and I am surrounded by pregnant women and new families every day. The families I typically work with are low income or struggling in much deeper ways and are high-risk. And some women and children are dealt an awful lot in life. I see women often that have children that they don't want or don't care for and it's very interesting to work with-- my co-workers and I discuss the topic of 'life not being fair' quite often. We also discuss life being ####### horrible!!!! I don't have any answers except for the answers I tell myself-- they aren't right, just my opinion and things I tell myself to feel better 
 I practice yoga and I also study buddhism and I just seem to be a seeker in general. I tend to resonate with the belief that things happen for a reason (which isn't always easy to take-- in fact my best-friend also believes this, even after battling leukemia at 28 years old), but I believe we don't know the answers why and it may not have anything to do with us and more to do with the people around us (this is a very yogic philosophy). I am constantly battling myself to accept what is and that I cannot control life (this is a constant struggle) and to just be in the moment. I also remember a quote and can't remember who it's by or where I found it, but it went something like "Be kind to every person you meet because everyone is suferring, some too much and some not enough." I try to think about that when I feel sorry for myself or when I envy others-- it's so true! Sometimes I look at someone or even one of my clients and think 'why does she have this beautiful child-- it isn't fair, etc' and then I remember this quote-- just because she has the child does not mean her life is perfect and mine won't be either. We all have our battles in this life.
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Anyhow, sorry for the rambling. Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you, for everyone that posted. Thought I'd share the crazy thoughts that run through my mind! 
