I'm so sorry for everything your going through-- all of you ladies that have posted . I just started on this journey and I come to these forums for support and advice and it's such a wonderful, supportive community. It's so great to have a place to vent these feelings when in daily life it seems there is no support. The questions posed here are questions I contemplate often... I work in the maternal child health field and I am surrounded by pregnant women and new families every day. The families I typically work with are low income or struggling in much deeper ways and are high-risk. And some women and children are dealt an awful lot in life. I see women often that have children that they don't want or don't care for and it's very interesting to work with-- my co-workers and I discuss the topic of 'life not being fair' quite often. We also discuss life being ####### horrible!!!! I don't have any answers except for the answers I tell myself-- they aren't right, just my opinion and things I tell myself to feel better I practice yoga and I also study buddhism and I just seem to be a seeker in general. I tend to resonate with the belief that things happen for a reason (which isn't always easy to take-- in fact my best-friend also believes this, even after battling leukemia at 28 years old), but I believe we don't know the answers why and it may not have anything to do with us and more to do with the people around us (this is a very yogic philosophy). I am constantly battling myself to accept what is and that I cannot control life (this is a constant struggle) and to just be in the moment. I also remember a quote and can't remember who it's by or where I found it, but it went something like "Be kind to every person you meet because everyone is suferring, some too much and some not enough." I try to think about that when I feel sorry for myself or when I envy others-- it's so true! Sometimes I look at someone or even one of my clients and think 'why does she have this beautiful child-- it isn't fair, etc' and then I remember this quote-- just because she has the child does not mean her life is perfect and mine won't be either. We all have our battles in this life.
Anyhow, sorry for the rambling. Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you, for everyone that posted. Thought I'd share the crazy thoughts that run through my mind!