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How do you talk to your kids about politicized homophobia and bigotry?  

post #1 of 143
Thread Starter 

I'm wondering specifically about people like, oh, say Pat Robertson?


How do you explain to your kids when someone espouses such hatred for your family?


What would you do if an organization you support, and whose goals you generally agree with, supports a political or religious figure who promotes homophobia and hatred?



This recently came up for our family, and I'm wondering what you would do in a similar circumstance.



post #2 of 143
lurk.gif I haven't experienced anything (yet) but am interested to hear from others... I suspect I will need to be armed with ways to deal with hatred/homophobia someday.

ps. wave.gif hope you and your babe are doing well orngbiggrin.gif
post #3 of 143

Hmmm....we talk about things like this a lot, though I'm not sure, not knowing specifics, about the example that you bring up.


We've encountered people we know and like or people from places that we know well and like being homophobic and have explained much of this to Q. Generally, we talk about peoples' different beliefs and what I see as the nuance between those folks having those beliefs and me/us believing they are wrong because they are hurtful to people, discriminate, seem to think that hate is okay, etc. We talk a lot about being queer as an identity and how it's not okay to discriminate based on any identity. But we have also recently talked some about how some people's religion tells them (or folks interpret their religion as telling them) that being gay/queer is wrong. Q recently said, "If Jesus were really god, he'd say it was wrong to hate gay people." Or something to that effect. I've explained that, as a non-religious person, much of what I understand about Christianity in particular is about love, care, and openness, and how that doesn't jive with not accepting someone's identity. 


I think the layers of this get deeper and deeper as kids get older.


So, I'm thinking I'm perhaps not answering what you're asking. Bottom line is that I try to explain a belief or stance, explain why it is different than our belief or stance, and then try to be honest about the effects of those beliefs on me, our family, etc.: "It really hurts me or makes me mad when...." "I don't think it's right to say this about certain groups of people..." "I don't have the same belief as X....and in fact that belief is hurtful to me because...." I'll admit that sometimes I also just say, "...and personally I think it's wrong or hateful to have that belief." (maybe that last bit is wrong of me, but heck, it's what I believe, right? (hoping for no flames here....)


Hoping this might help a wee bit....

post #4 of 143

We try our hardest to follow the money and avoid companies with business practices that actively work to undermine our family. I wish more people would do that more often. I'm sometimes surprised at who is working against us.


We have no qualms with voting with our feet, and making it known to the people who aren't supportive of us. I've been struggling recently with some of the posts on mothering's facebook page for this very reason.

post #5 of 143

My kids don't believe that people like that exist.  At least they didn't a year ago.  Last year before pride we had a big gay talk.  I had to equate gay marriage to to other civil rights struggles before something finally clicked (they have board books about Dr. Martin Luthar King).  We live in a rural area and they're not exposed to that kind of stuff.  Recently my son read Spedteacher's "hate is not a family value" and he missed the "not."  He was very upset that anyone would think hate is a family value until I pointed out the "not."  That led to a very large discussion about family values, "family values" and all those televangelists.  I pointed out that a lot of people say things to get attention and if they really believe those things I have pity on them.  What sad sad people.  We have talked about the religious aspect of it all as well as the politics (we live in a pretty hostile state).  What did I say?  I'm not really sure, it was all off the cuff.

post #6 of 143
Thread Starter 

Please make your views known to MDC.


The entire conversation is happening in TAO and the thread is here http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1317536/mothering-supports-racist-homophobic-diatribe/40#post_16507262

post #7 of 143

this is a really great question.  Here in Seattle WBC is going to be protesting at the Pride Picnic, a family event.  Luckily I'm working that week so we can't go, but we would want to go if possible.  The thing is, there is NO WAY I'm going to expose my kids to people like WBC.  They simply don't need to know how much hatred is in the world.  The longer I can keep that ugliness away from them the happier I will be.  When they're emotionally ready we'll have a chat.  It helps that we are not sending them to school and have a very supportive community around us.  I just don't see that they need to know that people hate their mama and mommy.  Not at age four (DD is too young for it to matter).  I'm very very protective of them and I realize not everyone may agree, but there's no way I'm letting them near that kind of hatred.

post #8 of 143

Disco, It's not WBC (wow, y'all must feel so important to get *them*eyesroll.gif.  My kids vaguely know they exist.  They picketed a coal mine accident and now everyone in this area thinks they're extremist  morons, not just the queer community.) but we have a group who pickets and yells at pretty much every event (pride, halloween, campus, basically anywhere there are "sinners").  Last year the we all marched in the parade and the group that likes to protest was there as usual.  There are women on motorcycles who run up and down the length of the parade all the time.  Not sure if it's for security or what, but it happens.  Anyway, a few of them were parked right in front of the protesters and every time they would open their mouths someone would rev the bike and you couldn't hear a word.  It was awesome.  So the kids didn't even know it happened (and like I said, they're kind of a fixture) and the adults didn't have to hear a word.  It was lovely.  They don't come into the festival itself.  I don't think they could be sure of their safety.  I totally agree that I'm not ready for my kids to know about quite how ugly the world can be.

post #9 of 143
thanks for posting that link, papa. I didn't realize this was going on due to sticking mainly to just a few forums. that'll teach me, ey?! if things don't change around here soon then i'm gonna have to leave this community. what a bummer.
post #10 of 143
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by wehrli View Post

thanks for posting that link, papa. I didn't realize this was going on due to sticking mainly to just a few forums. that'll teach me, ey?! if things don't change around here soon then i'm gonna have to leave this community. what a bummer.

Yeah, I had no idea about a lot of things because I mostly stuck to this forum and my DDC.  Since the MDC reformat, things have gotten really ugly around here.  


post #11 of 143

Sigh and moan.  That thread has now been closed in a most offensive, unceremonious way, which makes me *that* much closer to saying so long to MDC permanently.  Is there anywhere else we can go and still attract new folks?  I don't want to lose the friends I've made here over the years.  So sad.  So horrible. I'm with papa and wherli on this one. 

post #12 of 143
I'm looking around for a place we could go and still attract but it's not looking very good. there are many boards with AP/NFL forums but it's such a narrow space to be in. I fear it would be a much smaller community. anyone else have ideas? I don't want to loose all of you, I consider this my "tribe" of like minded folks... but I really must stand my ground and not support a place making such despicable changes.
post #13 of 143
post #14 of 143

Just tried to post a response. Frustrated to be shut out of the dia/mono-logue, particularly when there's been no apology. Seems like a HUGE slap in the face to our whole little sub-community over here in QP, as well as to so many others.....


I'll say that, though I've been mostly quiet in the past months, I do like the idea of a space like this/this space to look to, knowing there will be some similar-minded folks waiting to think about and listen to my questions and concerns.

post #15 of 143

I am like Megin. I haven't been around much, but all of this is just getting out of hand on MDC.


Would creating a FB group (that members need to ask to join) be too far out of the forum realm? It wouldn't attract new people like this forum does, though. 

post #16 of 143
I'd be down with a FB group... otherwise there's queerparenting.com forums. i found them from a quick google search but I don't know what their viewsand/or affiliations are. I'm just beside myself thinking of loosing this space though... greensad.gif

re FB... we could always "recruit" members... wink1.gif
post #17 of 143
sorry, it's http://queerparent.com/forums/

also, I'm part of a private group on FB and it works pretty well... there's about 700 of us.
post #18 of 143
Keep me posted where you go!! I'm definitely out of here but would love to keep in touch.
post #19 of 143
Oh Poop. What a mess. greensad.gif Let me know if you all decide to head somewhere else.

(Off topic: FTMPapa: Is Elise really 8 months old now? Wow! How are you and she doing?)
post #20 of 143
Thread Starter 

She is 8.5 mos!  We are doing SO well!


She is thriving on donor milk and anything and everything that isn't nailed down, she loves solid food and eats everything, it's kind of crazy.


And she just started pulling herself up to standing and she's cruising.  

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