How do you talk to your kids about politicized homophobia and bigotry? - Page 5

[MoonWillow]

Peggy posted this statement at the top of the forum:

Mothering is an inclusive community made up of diverse members who express a myriad of points of view. The administration of Mothering recently did a disservice to our members when an ad for an organization with known homophobic and racist viewpoints was posted in a thread on these discussion boards. We took the ad down as soon as it came to our attention and apologize to the community for its ever having been placed in the first place. Its placement was the result of a miscommunication between Mothering and our ad team. Our intention is to host a courteous and respectful conversation here on Mothering, one that is free of discrimination. I hope that you will let us know how we can help you feel more at home on Mothering. Thank you for your contribution and your understanding.

Originally Posted by marinak1977 

Originally Posted by MoonWillow 

There is so much happening and sometimes we wish we could just turn over everything to you guys and let you all hash out how best to deal with it all. No offense intended by that statement. It just seems literally impossible to please everyone or should I say, impossible not to have somebody mad at us at all times. Regardless of how we choose to handle things, there is always push back and complaints. ALWAYS. And I'm not taking away from the seriousness of what happened with this particular event, as evidenced by the fact that we are having this discussion. 

My point is that just because things aren't dealt with in the manner that people wish, demand or expect, in the exact timetable that they wish, demand or expect does not mean that A) admin doesn't listen or B) that they don't care. 

Bolding mine because this makes me very mad (and forgive my forum crashing). Yes, if Mothering would post a strong statement on the front page condemning homophobia and bigotry I guess that would make homophobes and bigots mad. Is this the intended audience for MDC? Otherwise I do not understand why it is such a complicated question whether a forum wide apology is appropriate.

That's not at all what I meant. I apologize if that's the message you took from what I said. 

[escher]

Peggy: Thank you very much for the public acknowledgement of what happened and for the apology. I appreciate that it seems to be showing up at the top of every page of every thread--people will definitely see it! I'm sure that it won't satisfy everyone (as MoonWillow pointed out, nothing will ever satisfy everyone), but I do hope that it helps many people here to feel more confident that you and the other Mothering admins recognized the seriousness of the problem and are taking steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

MoonWillow: Being a mod seems like a really hard job, and I'm very impressed with your continual patience. Thanks for sticking with us!

[justrose13]

Originally Posted by escher12 

Peggy: Thank you very much for the public acknowledgement of what happened and for the apology. I appreciate that it seems to be showing up at the top of every page of every thread--people will definitely see it! I'm sure that it won't satisfy everyone (as MoonWillow pointed out, nothing will ever satisfy everyone), but I do hope that it helps many people here to feel more confident that you and the other Mothering admins recognized the seriousness of the problem and are taking steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

[MoonWillow]

MoonWillow: Being a mod seems like a really hard job, and I'm very impressed with your continual patience. Thanks for sticking with us!

Thank you for the kind words! 

[Peggy O'Mara]

Originally Posted by NannyMcPhee 

Also in regards to the AIDS denialism. Peggy, are you or are you not on the board of Alive and Well? A ''AIDS alternatives'' foundation that has been responsible for the spread of lies and misinformation and the deaths of many?

No, I am not on the board of Alive and Well. I was on the board of Moms Against Mandatory Medication when it first started years ago but am no longer.

[Peggy O'Mara]

Originally Posted by spedteacher30 

I appreciate the sentiment, Peggy, and I trust that your feelings are authentic. In the interest of authentic communication, I think it is important to allow you the opportunity to learn from your words. The term "sexual preference" is extremely dated and offensive. It is offensive because it implies that one's sexual orientation is a choice, and that gays and lesbians could be in a straight relationship, except for the fact that they prefer the same sex.

Also, you say that you have been working with your ad team to make sure this won't happen again. In the interest of rebuilding community trust, I think it would be healthy for you to share with the larger community the steps you have put in place to ensure this mistake won't occur again, and to clarify your policies surrounding embedding advertising in threads, and using threads as advertising (a la putting threads onto facebook).

I honestly don't care one way or the other about a public apology. I am more interested in a public, transparent rectification of the mistake.

Sorry I misspoke. I know that sexual orientation is not a preference or a choice.

Advertisements will not be imbedded in random threads any longer; they will be in the forum now entitled Contests, Giveaways and Deals, which will be renamed to something like Sponsored Contests and Giveaways. As for, putting threads on FB, that is not what happened here. It was a link to an article that was put on FB, an article about a family with two moms. We've been linking to articles on FB for years.

And, regarding the FB community, it is a different community from the MDC community. Some are members, I assume, but all are not, and the FB friends have not agreed to the User Agreement we have on MDC. That is why we were not in the habit of moderating the FB posts before this happened.
 

[Peggy O'Mara]

Originally Posted by FtMPapa 

Hi, Sorry I didn't come back earlier.  I had been misinformed that my Banishment from MDC was imminent.

It was posted on a thread that I had posted on that all members who were posting on that thread would be banned.

Seraf, I'm sorry you feel manipulated.  

I felt that the best way for the OP to remain standing for more than a few hours was if I did not specifically mention MDC in it.  The conversation I was trying to have with y'all was happening elsewhere on various fora on MDC and was being shut down, so I posted sneakily.

I *am* wrestling with this question.  

I have "MDC Supporter" under my name because I paid for a Mothering subscription, and I was sold a two year subscription when MDC likely already knew the magazine would no longer be printed.  I am a little embarrassed to be labelled a "supporter" because of some of the stuff that has happened.

Yet, my community is here.  I'm pretty AP, I'm pretty NFL, but I feel like the queer community has been hung out to dry by MDC.  Racism has been perpetuated by some of the "mothering" threads promoted on FaceBook.  It makes me very sad.  

So I'm still working through this.  

There was a two week period from the end January 2011 to February 15, 2011 that we knew the magazine was no longer going to be printed. We refunded the money of subscribers who subscribed during this period or offered them online credit. MDC had no knowledge of the ending of the print publication until February 15th. If you subscribed during this two week period, please PM me.

[Peggy O'Mara]

Originally Posted by prettyisa 



MoonWillow, I know that you've been here and are trying to make things better, but it feels a little bit like you're the only one who is helping. And I think that's because you're the only one being open about what you're doing and what is going on. If we knew that things were being done to fix the situation (a formal apology, and maybe the announcement of a new policy for vetting facebook comments on articles about LGBTQ parenting, for a start?) i think people would feel like we were being heard and that our place in this community is important to MDC.

 

We have had several ongoing threads in the forums and in the Mod Lounge on what happened since June 15th  and our admins and mods have been taking this very seriously. And, yes, we will vet FB posts on articles about LGBTQ parenting in the future.

[Peggy O'Mara]

Originally Posted by amma_mama 

First off, apologies for forum-crashing, but I wanted to give my response to Peggy since she refuses to post something for the braoder MDC community which was affected by recent "events". I have avoided posting on the many threads throughout the forum these past weeks as I believe that enough had been said to explain the outrage of our community on all that has happened of late. But I feel compelled to say something now since this is the closest we have come to a public announcement and position statement from MDC leadership/management. 

Peggy, this is the lamest excuse for an apology that I have ever read in my life. An apology typically comes with some willingness to take responsibility for what happened, which you have not done in any shape or form. At my job, when something goes wrong "on my watch", whether I was directly involved or not, I take full responsibility - as part of my job is to be on top of what is going on. You have failed to be on top of what has been happening under your neglectful "watch". Time to take some responsibility for what happened and disclose clear steps that will be taken to ensure that such hurtful incidents to do not happen in the future.

Your so-called "apology" has only succeeded in reinforcing both your lack of understanding of what type of climate has been created at MDC by these action for which MDC leadership is reponsible (not the hapless "gal" or other junior staff), which goes well beyond this one forum, and the offenses that you continue to make against a community in your choice of words.

At least you have shown your true colors...I can appreciate that, I guess.

I came here to talk to you, not to issue a formal apology on this thread. I expressed my questions about the apology in my original post here. I did not say I was opposed to an apology. I was hoping for your input and collaboration.  I have since made a public apology.

[Peggy O'Mara]

Originally Posted by Sfcmama 

Additional apologies for taking up space in this forum with this issue.  And boooooo to Mothering for limiting homophia and racism to be queer issues. (as reinforced by Peggy's post in only this thread, which IMO deserves coal raking - big cost to be the boss)  I wouldn't have even known about this post if it wasn't for another website!!!

Moonwillow - I can only assume this post was directed (somewhat or fully) at me. Peggy provided history and context in her reply and I was attempting to do the dame when reminding her about the magazine debacle.  (Ya know, the one in which many people belief money continued to be taken after the decision was made to close up shop...?!)  I can move it to Q&S but I doubt that would be fruitful.  What is really needed is a forum for members to address accountability and transparency - I think they call it customer feedback or customer service in some places...? (yes, snark intended!)

It's very sweet of you to keep fighting Peggy's battle for her.  Depiste the purity of her intentions, she cannot own a business touting certain values and then not be expected to explain herself when her actions don't appear to coincide with said values. 
 

The QP forum is not the only place where homophobia and racism are being debated. There are several threads in the forums and in the Mod Lounge. 
 

[Peggy O'Mara]

Originally Posted by amma_mama 


p>She did not refuse to post something to the broader community.

I stand "corrected" - she "prefers" not to do so.

And, in fact, she has not, so excuse me for jumping to logical conclusions. Thank you for picking that out of my post.

I NEVER refused to publish an apology. I was seeking community input about an apology by posting in threads with the mods and elsewhere and had hoped to get your input and opinions here.
 

[Peggy O'Mara]

Originally Posted by escher 

Peggy: Thank you very much for the public acknowledgement of what happened and for the apology. I appreciate that it seems to be showing up at the top of every page of every thread--people will definitely see it! I'm sure that it won't satisfy everyone (as MoonWillow pointed out, nothing will ever satisfy everyone), but I do hope that it helps many people here to feel more confident that you and the other Mothering admins recognized the seriousness of the problem and are taking steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

MoonWillow: Being a mod seems like a really hard job, and I'm very impressed with your continual patience. Thanks for sticking with us!

Thank you, escher. And, thank you to MoonWillow for moderating with such grace and good will. 
 

[Disco Infiltrator]

wow.  Thank you Peggy.  That was above and beyond.  I really appreciate that you answered specific questions.  I still have big picture concerns about MDC but those are things that I've held my entire time here, not situational or related to recent events.  Placing the very public acknowledgment of recent events on the top of all pages then coming here to address specific questions and concerns, this completely restores my faith in your good intentions.  Many, many thanks.  

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by Peggy O'Mara 

No, I am not on the board of Alive and Well. I was on the board of Moms Against Mandatory Medication when it first started years ago but am no longer.

You should ask them to remove your name from their advisory board listing on their website, then.  http://aliveandwell.org/

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

You should ask them to remove your name from their advisory board listing on their website, then.  http://aliveandwell.org/

Just about to point out the mistake on that site too, but D_McG beat me to it.

[eclipse]

So why was the person who started a thread asking about the topic of AIDS denialism and asking about you being on the board of Alive and Well banned for starting that thread. What am I missing here?

[MoonWillow]

Originally Posted by eclipse 

So why was the person who started a thread asking about the topic of AIDS denialism and asking about you being on the board of Alive and Well banned for starting that thread. What am I missing here?

The bolded is an (incorrect) assumption and I already addressed banning in this thread. 

Edited by MoonWillow - 6/26/11 at 5:57pm

[Dacks]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

You should ask them to remove your name from their advisory board listing on their website, then.  http://aliveandwell.org/

This. 

And has your stance changed for some reason, or is it just a matter of distancing yourself from the topic?

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Dacks 

This. 

And has your stance changed for some reason, or is it just a matter of distancing yourself from the topic?

...Or from what supporting the topic actually means?

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

You should ask them to remove your name from their advisory board listing on their website, then.  http://aliveandwell.org/

Just curious if we are going to get a response/update on this.