Indecisive child

[supermom625]

Hello, im new to this but i'd like to ask you a parenting question. My 2nd child, a boy of about 6 has an issue where whenever he is confronted with something out of the ordinary (for example he wakes up late for school therefore needing to rush) or he does something which he realizes was the wrong thing to do, or he is put on the spot and is unsure what to do , he cries. Obviously hes very immature, but his nursery teacher told me that he seems to have some sort of problem that he does not know how to make decisions and just cries whenever something either goes wrong or is unsure how to proceed. Do you think there is something i can do or read to my  child to help  boost his decision making skills so that his fi rst reflex isnt just to cry ?

[JessicaWilliams]

Thank you for writing in. A wonderful question. I will post a reply within a couple of days.

Yours,

Jessica

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[JessicaWilliams]

Dear Momma,

Welcome to the board. Thank you for writing in. I have some thoughts for you that might help your situation over time. 

Context & Success: I think it’s important not to think of your son as “immature” but rather as young, sensitive and utilizing the best skill for expression that he has access to at this time. When young, sensitive children are overwhelmed they will often respond with some expression that gets us to take notice of them; be it shutting down entirely, hysteria or tears. Your son’s response to overwhelm, is simply that; he doesn’t know how to manage the situations you mention and so he burst into tears. Many professionals view tears as a natural, healthy discharge, not to be stifled. I encourage you to celebrate the fact that you son is in touch with his emotions and has access to immediate release when he is flooded.

Empowerment Development

Now, looking to the future, how can you empower him to feel more capable in times of overwhelm? How can he feel in the driver’s seat of his own experience, whether planned or unplanned, on his own, in the spotlight or merely in the company of others?

There are several parenting practices that you can put into place which will add up to enhanced self-confidence to navigate through the world and the daily challenges therein.

Responsibility: look at your current life and the daily tasks and see if you can give your son more responsibility. Picking out his own clothes, packing his backpack for school, setting the table, watering plants, feeding pets, and simple cooking. (Cick here for simple cooking recipe for children.) Success in these small, daily tasks, will start to build his sense of his own ability.

Sports and Music: Consider choosing a hobby or sport that he can practice on his own and develop skill and confidence. Introduce a musical instrument that he can practice on his own. Consider letting him explore the instrument in a free way rather than reading music to start so that he develops a love of the instrument and confidence in his ability to express before frustration with ability has a chance to surface.

Confidence Building Games: Introduce games that require creativity on his part: storytelling games, charades, puppetry; this act of being in charge of story will help his confidence in other areas. This requires participation on your part; try to be as encouraging as possible, without critique or edit on his ideas, even if his stories don’t make sense to you, try to let him “take the lid off” and create freely without being self-conscious.

Lead by Example: Begin to narrate your decision making process aloud: as you make salad dressing; why you aren’t putting too much vinegar, the delicate use of spices, the preferences of adding honey verses mustard. Parking your car and changing lanes: the process of putting on your blinker, looking over your shoulder, etc. There are so many methodical, multi-stepped tasks we achieve in a day; include him in your process and he will begin to better understand the decision-making process.

Tangible Empowerment

Power Rock:

Take him to a specialty store to purchase a stone, rock or crystal. Have him hold this rock when he is feeling good and happy, and place it somewhere safe like his dresser or under pillow while he sleeps. Then have him take the small stone to school in his pocket or backpack to give him a touchstone of inner calm. Touching this stone in his pocked may help bolster him for the moment.

Power Bag:

Create a tangible place that he can remember his confidence. Buy him a small backpack or bag and call it his “power bag.” Include a journal with crayons and/or a pen, his power stone (see above,) his favorite stuffed animal and a small photo book of his family, favorite friends, elder in the community or anyone with whom he feels safe, confident, capable and loved. Just knowing the power bag is with him at school will help him. If he encounters an especially difficult moment, he might be allowed to sit alone with his power bag for a moment to bring him back to his center.

Journal & Release: Since there are many moments in the day that seem to overwhelm your son, give him a place to voice this, and place this, so it is contained, and he doesn’t carry his disempowerment into the next day. Introduce the idea of a journal where he can draw his experience, a picture that represents his feelings, or write some words about what was hard that day and what he wants to let go of. You can also do a simple ritual at the end of a day where he writes down a word from the hard moment of the day and then you rip up that piece of paper as a way to release that experience.

*

These are my initial thoughts for you. Feel free to email me: [e-mail].

All the best,

Jessica

p.s. feel free to email me [e-mail], to sign up for my e-zine with more tips and ideas for deeper connection and more joy in parenting and life.

p.s. this book may prove helpful: Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Kursinka

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288

Birthing A New Mother home study program NOW AVAILABLE for pre-conception, pregnancy & the first year of motherhood. I am a featured contributor in this course brought to you by Conscious Motherhood.

The Ultimate Parenting Course will be available November 15, 2011. A cadre of the best of today’s progressive parenting experts come together in this transformational 8-week home study course for parents of children birth to 7 years. Email me at [e-mail] for pre-order.

The L.O.V.E. Parenting Birthkit has helped women have a transformational and empowering birth. Written exercises, audio & private coaching. Amazing for first or second pregnancy.

Sign Up for my E-Zine! Email: [e-mail]

Like me on Facebook L.O.V.E. Parenting and Follow on Twitter @LoveParenting

Private Coaching Session! Phone or Los Angeles office. www.LoveParentingLA.com

“Truly amazing woman. I love her advice.”—Carrie-Anne Moss

“All you have shared has helped tremendously.”—Lisa Bonet

“I am experiencing nothing short of a miracle thanks to your laser beam approach.” –Andrea Bendewald

 

[supermom625]

thank you so much for this. i will begin to put all this into action!

[JessicaWilliams]

You are so welcome. Feel free to email me and update me.

All the best,

Jessica

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Birthing A New Mother home study program NOW AVAILABLE for pre-conception, pregnancy & the first year of motherhood. I am a featured contributor in this course brought to you by Conscious Motherhood.

The Ultimate Parenting Course will be available November 15, 2011. A cadre of the best of today’s progressive parenting experts come together in this transformational 8-week home study course for parents of children birth to 7 years. Email me at [e-mail] for pre-order.

The L.O.V.E. Parenting Birthkit has helped women have a transformational and empowering birth. Written exercises, audio & private coaching. Amazing for first or second pregnancy.

Sign Up for my E-Zine! Email: [e-mail]

Like me on Facebook L.O.V.E. Parenting and Follow on Twitter @LoveParenting

Private Coaching Session! Phone or Los Angeles office. www.LoveParentingLA.com

“Truly amazing woman. I love her advice.”—Carrie-Anne Moss

“All you have shared has helped tremendously.”—Lisa Bonet

“I am experiencing nothing short of a miracle thanks to your laser beam approach.” –Andrea Bendewald