head banging

[akind1]

DS is 18 months and lately, to express frustration - especially when we won't do or get him immediately what he wants - he finds something to bang his head on. the arm of a chair, a door jamb, the floor, the wall, the handle of the shopping cart . . . if he is in our arms, he bangs his head on whoever's holding him's chest or face  . . .

Now, I realize this is normal behavior and likely has to do with not finding another way to vent his frustration, but most of what I have read, just says it's a phase they grow out of.  While I am sure this is the case, how do you deal in the mean time? Any prevenative tips? - short of giving in to whatever he wants at the time - as sometimes it just isn't possible, and will be come less so. - I am 25 weeks pregnant with #2, and there will be times later in pregnancy and after the baby is born I just will not be able to get up and follow him wherever he wants to go, and there are other times he really cannot have or do what he wants to do. (like candy at the store, or to be carried all the way through, etc, or play with the hose in the yard as examples)

TIA!

[organicviolin]

When DS did that I literally said, "gentle with our heads.  I love your head the way it is with no boo boos" and then I just put my hand in between his head and whatever he was going to whack it against.  He still got the energy out without the pain.  He did out grow it very quickly, especially because he did it once pretty hard and hurt himself.  Short learning curve there!  So, try to block as many as you can and just stay calm.  I also then labeled the emotion saying, I understand you're frustrated, sad, angry whatever and then hugged and kissed him.  I think validating what he was feeling helped a ton.

Congrats on babe #2 and enjoy the transition and everything else.....

[akind1]

Thanks! I really hope it will be short lived. He is in full boy mode at the moment and is full of scrapes and bruises as it is, I hate to have more on his head -

I do try to put my hand between his head and the surface he is banging on, but sometimes I am not close enough. Will work on the emotion validating too.

[organicviolin]

remember this too shall pass!  Part of it could also be him trying to sort out the pregnancy/baby thing.  I was pregnant with #2 when DS1 was doing this behavior and reading lots and talking to my belly a lot helped him get through it.  I must say now that #2 is here, the transition was amazing!  Both boys just love each other to bits and it's wonderful to see.  enjoy!

[Asiago]

Yes, validation and putting their thoughts and wishes into words, something they cannot do quite yet. It must be terribly frustrating for little ones at this age.

-I understand that you would like to play with the garden hose, but mommy's flowers already had a drink of water today. Do you remember the rain storm this morning? Hey, let's see if we can find a nice puddle to stomp in?! Where are your rain boots?

-I understand that you would like me to carry you but we can sit and rest if your legs are tired. Do you see that nice shady spot over there under the tree? Do birds live in trees? What do birds eat?

Redirecting isn't a negative thing, it actually encourages brain development by engaging the 'seeking system' and also calming baby down which develops the brain's emotional regulation, plus creates a dopamine release which is an important brain chemical for well being.

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland, was a great read. There is so much about these types of behaviors in it.

Good luck, I empathize as raising a toddler can be a bit of a challenge at times.

Edited by Asiago - 6/16/11 at 12:51pm