"You don't want two kids in diapers."

[jezebelle]

My psychiatrist told me this the other day.  It was not the first time I have heard it.

Have you been told this?  Do you have "two kids in diapers?"  Is it really the most difficult thing in the world?  What is with this statement?

I ask because I adopted a newborn.  He is gaining on five months.  Everyone has told me that they know someone who got pregnant within a year of adopting.  I laugh about it, but part of me is really scared by the hoo-doo of these comments, and so I wonder...

[Adaline'sMama]

Ill have two in diapers. I guess there will be more of them, but since Im washing anyway, I dont see how its going to be SOOO much harder like everyone (everyone, by the way, who never had two in diapers) tells me. All my momma friends with kids super close say it was no big deal. Ive been told that its easier to change two diapers than it is to ask a 4 year old over and over if they need to go pee AND have to keep track of whether or not you need to change a diaper.

[nextcommercial]

I have a daycare, and I have five kids in diapers.  It's actually easier than five kids in potty training.  You just buy two sizes of diapers, or use cloth.  Disposables are expensive, but cloth makes it better on the pocketbook.  If it's the "extra work", don't worry about it, you don't even notice it.  

I think people have just been saying that for hundreds of years.  So we just think it's the thing to say maybe?

[MoonWillow]

I always took the statement to mean two very young, close in age children. I never thought it was about the actual diapers but maybe I'm wrong. 

[texmati]

Originally Posted by MoonWillow 

I always took the statement to mean two very young, close in age children. I never thought it was about the actual diapers but maybe I'm wrong. 

I think this is very true! lol! I have two v. closely spaced, and the diapers is the least of it!

[jezebelle]

So are you guys saying it isn't...uh...desirable, I guess, to have two small children?  I get what they mean, but is it really that bad?

[Ruthla]

My brother is only 14 months older than me. I've heard my entire life how hard it was for Mom to take care of two babies! Then I had my own daughters 16 months apart (not what I'd planned- but G-d had other plans for me. ;) )

Taking care of two babies is hard, because they both need so much of your attention. When my daughters were little, I found my own needs got met the least of the 3 of us. It's not that "two in diapers" is hard, or that tandem nursing was hard. It's that having two kids young enough to need diapers, or two kids too young to have weaned yet, means that you've got yourself two babies. And babies need a lot of attention. My Mom had it rough when I learned to  crawl- my brother would toddle off in one direction and I'd crawl off in another. (that's when she fenced in the yard.)

But it's definitely do-able. And if you've adopted, I'm guessing you had difficulty conceiving or carrying a child, and to find yourself with two babies would seem like an extra blessing after hoping for a child for so long. I firmly beleive that G-d doesn't give anybody more than he or she can handle (which is why I was so certain I wasn't carrying twins when I was pg the 2nd time.) If you get pregnant now, it will be because you can handle it.

[ariatrance]

Having two kids less than three years apart, in my opinion, is very, very hard on people who already have mental and/or emotional 'issues.' Take that to mean whatever issues you want. I found it extremely difficult the first six months, then moderately difficult thereafter. I can stand on my feet now and 'handle' the majority of days but there are many days I just want to scream my head off, slam the door, and walk out. Would that be different if my kids were further apart in age? Maybe, maybe not. It would have been really, really great if my son could have had more 'baby time' with me before I went and divided my attention with another baby. I think it has hurt our relationship greatly.

That said, just because a bunch of people tell you that you might get pregnant now that you've adopted, doesn't mean that they are in the bedroom with you deciding on your birth control methods...

[jezebelle]

Thanks for the feedback, ladies!
 

Originally Posted by ariatrance 

That said, just because a bunch of people tell you that you might get pregnant now that you've adopted, doesn't mean that they are in the bedroom with you deciding on your birth control methods...

Ha!  Yeah, those haven't changed, it's just my paranoia speaking...

[new2this]

I will be having 2 in diapers soon. And I don't think people actually mean the diapers themselves as much as the conception of diapers= babies=lots of needs to be met and only one person doing so for a good chunk of the day. And trying to find that balance to keep ones sanity hard. I know I am scared..lol 

[Chloe'sMama]

My girls are 26 months apart and could have easily been in diapers together if DD1 had not potty learned herself at 20 months.  I have found it difficult with them being so needy, but I don't really think the actual changing of diapers would have been so bad.  so, I agree with what others are saying about the age range.

I am SOOOOO glad my girls are close together though, I wouldn't change it and would like to have #3 about 24-28 months after DD2 was born.

[princesstutu]

I absolutely LOVED having 2 in diapers...2 babies at the same time.  I would do it, again, in a heartbeat.  I'm sure it's not for everyone, though.  I would have a baby every 2 years if it were up to me. LOL 

[P.J.]

This is such a subjective, personal thing.

I know some people love it and found it easier to have two babies, and it has driven others to the very edge of insanity.

I have only one baby, but I can tell you he is enough! I myself certainly would *not* be ready have another until DS is at least 3 or 4, we'll see when we get there. Based on what I have seen with friends and reading around here, it even seems ideal to wait 5+ years, until the first is in school. That way I would have a little more time and energy for the new baby. I just know I would be stretched too thin and be a much worse parent if I had two babies at once.

But that is just me. Only you can feel what would be right for you.

[mamayogibear]

I had my son a month before my dd turned three. She was out of dipes a little after she turned two but then regressed after the baby was born. So I ended up with two in diapers for a little while. It wasn't that bad, especially since when the baby was really little my dd was really interested in him and kept asking to help with baby so there wasn't really much stress. Also think about moms of twins, each one has two in diapers;)

[mschrein22]

I currently have two in diapers.  One is 2 and the other 7 weeks.  And I find diaper changing the least of my difficulties.  My main problem is finding enough time to give attention to my eldest child - attention that doesn't include feeding or diapering!

Honestly, my husband kept trying to get me to potty train my 2 year old before I had my next one, and I refused.  The last thing I wanted was to be dealing with a potty training child AND a diaper child.  Also, she's not ready to train yet.  But my point is - diapers are easier for me right now.

[hopefulfaith]

I'm laughing because I came in from the front page - I saw the thread title, and it made me giggle.  :)  SO MANY people told me that when I was pregnant with #2 (my kids are barely 15 months apart).  I had two in diapers for two years.

It was great!  Why?  Because when ds was 3 and dd was 2, they were both potty-trained at the same time.  They learned together:  ds sat on the toilet and dd sat on the plastic potty.  And then, I had two kids OUT of diapers at the same time.  It was awesome.

Seriously, though, the hardest part was trying to meet two small children's needs simultaneously for a few years there.  My kids are 5 and 4 now and life looks really different than it did 3 years ago.  My kids play together and when they aren't fighting ;) they are the best of friends.  It rocks.

I would not have recommended having two so close together for a few years there, but having come out the other side now, I really like having them close together and seeing them play and laugh together.  Super fun.  :)

[MamaPhD]

Originally Posted by MoonWillow 

I always took the statement to mean two very young, close in age children. I never thought it was about the actual diapers but maybe I'm wrong. 

Ha!  Me, too.  I have 2 in diapers and it's so a non-issue.  Most times I change them together, but really not a problem what-so-ever.

[expat-mama]

Originally Posted by P.J. 

This is such a subjective, personal thing.

I know some people love it and found it easier to have two babies, and it has driven others to the very edge of insanity.

I have only one baby, but I can tell you he is enough! I myself certainly would *not* be ready have another until DS is at least 3 or 4, we'll see when we get there. Based on what I have seen with friends and reading around here, it even seems ideal to wait 5+ years, until the first is in school. That way I would have a little more time and energy for the new baby. I just know I would be stretched too thin and be a much worse parent if I had two babies at once.

But that is just me. Only you can feel what would be right for you.

This is me exactly. I have a good friend who had his second kid when the first was exactly 18 months...I would not want to be them. But that's me! People have different reasons for how they space their kids. I know my friend and his wife have very demanding careers (engineer and lawyer) and they will most likely stop at 2 kids- they wanted to get the "baby stuff" over with quickly, mostly for work reasons. And to be honest, they do things a lot differently (don't cosleep, formula after the first few months, sposies, sleep training etc.) that might make things easier than if I had two babes and didn't do those things. But yeah that to me is insane and I could never do it! Props to those who can!

My DS is 11 months, since he was 6-7 months I've been getting the baby itch a bit, but I know we are sooo not having another one till he is at least 3. I'd like DS to be able to understand why I can't devote all my time and energy to him and to be able to entertain himself and be a bit more self-sufficient like a 3-4 year old is before I have to deal with another newborn. Who knows- maybe he could also help with the new baby if he is old enough! That would be a definite advantage too! I also want to give him a fair amount of babyhood before he is pushed into being the big kid and there is a new baby. We have other reasons too besides not wanting "two in diapers" or two babies (however you want to say it) that have to do with our careers and lifestyle.

To each her own! But two in diapers is not for me. Nooooo way!

[LadyCatherine185]

I had two in diapers for a little while (DS1 was 27 months when DS2 was born) and yes, the first 5 months or so were REALLY hard. and like PP's have said, not because of the diapering! I can see how it could be a bit easier though, had DS2 not been as demanding as a young baby. He was colicky, needed to sleep a lot, and would only sleep being held/worn. That made things really difficult trying to meet the needs of my 2 year old. DS1 potty trained around 2.5 (and it was a breeze, thankfully- he was READY) and DS2's colic is better, he will let me put him down asleep now, and plays on his own a bit.. so my days are SO MUCH easier now than they were the first 5 months (DS2 will be 7 mo tomorrow).

I figured on the first year being really difficult, but knew if we could get through that it would be a lot easier having them closer together.. I am glad that we did, because already they are eachother's favorite person.. they are going to be the best of friends, and they LOVE eachother so much. That is priceless and worth the 5 difficult months we went through.

[mjaer08]

I have a 30 month old and a 3 month old(on the 28th)... And honestly I don't see the big deal. I don't mind changing diapers all day..ive been doing it since dec 08 and it doesn't bother me. Like today....I changed 3 big boy poo diapers and maybe 5-6 baby boy poo diapers on top of regular pee diapers. I don't think about what a 'pain' it is, so it doesn't get to me I guess. And we aren't even close to potty training lol.