what happened to your bd?

[albafan15]

well hopefully I can get advice about this as well as your stories? Well there's this guy I grew up with when we were young we had become really close friends. We were like brothers almost. We became similar in personality. I was 14 when I dated this girl. Shortly after he met her he dated her himself. This broke our relationship up as friends for my freshman year I couldn't be around him it didn't get better until they broke up. Well our friendship went to flourish. I never was interested in him for a relationship. He was just my best friend. Also he was way to macho yet much of a good guy type. Well anyway I'm bisexual so I like guys too. He fell in love with a girl and stayed with her. I on the other hand jumped from relationship to relationship. Last autumn I got in a relationship with a girl that seemed to only want to talk I felt neglected physically. Last November he and I had a very sexual relationship together. It ended in late March. It was on and off. We were safe. And usually it was oral/anal sex not anything where pregnncy could happen. However I guess it was meant to be. He and his gf throughout were still very close. Some of my friends knew and they said he wasusing me as an experiment. But I was too using him. Knowingly everything was okthen. I just liked the attention my gf seemed to not give me. I never liked him or wanted him as anything other than a friend I never wanted to have a baby with him or with anyone for that matter. Not at 18 (17 when I initially got pregnant) However now that I'm pregnant I don't think I'm keeping it. I don't want telling him to ruin our relationship. I know what I did was rotten to cheat and be with a guy who's taken. I'm paying for that I just want your stories and if any helpful advice you can give?
Edited by albafan15 - 6/15/11 at 6:37pm

[hillymum]

Are you male or female? very confused!!!

[doubledutch]

i don't think you get to not tell someone that he has a child.  unless you're protecting a child from an abuser, i don't think that's right.  i'm sorry if it hurts your relationship, but the fact that you conceived (which he's 50% responsible for) could not possibly do as much damage as concealing that and/or lying about it would.

editing to add: i thought by "not keeping it" you meant giving it up for adoption; if you're terminating the pregnancy, then i don't necessarily think you need to tell the father, but i don't see how it could be a good relationship/friendship if you keep something like that from him.

what other sources of support do you have?  if you don't have anyone irl you can talk to, check if your community has crisis pregnancy counseling services.  they might be able to help you work through your options and figure out what you want to do. 

Originally Posted by hillymum 

Are you male or female? very confused!!!

she's pregnant, so clearly female!  :)

[mamaclukey]

Well anyway I'm bisexual so I like guys too.

If you were a girl wouldn't you say "I'm bisexual so I like GIRLS too"?

I agree very confusing. Troll?

ETA- he/she also said he and his friend were like brothers. So yeah..

[albafan15]

we were like brothers not brothers. But I have a gender identity issue added to the fact that I have stage 5 cah. Many may not understand the condition. It's one of those intersex conditions no one talks about. Anyway pretty much I am a genetic female and becoming pregnant was an odd happening for me but it's possible... But I was raised female at birth. It's not really the issue though. He's always known me the way we've been content with.. I'm not transgender though because that precludes me from being born completely female.... I know odd. Anyway what's your story? My gender really isn't the topic here.

[albafan15]

Originally Posted by doubledutch 

i don't think you get to not tell someone that he has a child.  unless you're protecting a child from an abuser, i don't think that's right.  i'm sorry if it hurts your relationship, but the fact that you conceived (which he's 50% responsible for) could not possibly do as much damage as concealing that and/or lying about it would.

editing to add: i thought by "not keeping it" you meant giving it up for adoption; if you're terminating the pregnancy, then i don't necessarily think you need to tell the father, but i don't see how it could be a good relationship/friendship if you keep something like that from him.

what other sources of support do you have?  if you don't have anyone irl you can talk to, check if your community has crisis pregnancy counseling services.  they might be able to help you work through your options and figure out what you want to do. 

she's pregnant, so clearly female!  :)

no I don't want to terminate. I want to place anonmously if not idk. My parents want it. I don't want them to have it. My friend I know would want to know I've known him long enough.

[SoulCakes]

I'm not really sure how adoption works, but I believe you're obligated to tell the father before you can put your child up for adoption (haven't there been some Lifetime movies about fathers finding out they had a child and taking it away from it's adoptive parents?). It's a tough situation, but if you think your friend would want to know, then tell him. He may agree that adoption is the best way to go. 

[albafan15]

I guess I just don't see how he would have a good reeaction being who I am to him. I asked if I could say I don't know who the daad is. And I was told that was possible.

[doubledutch]

if you decide to place the baby for adoption, the father has a right to know about the child.  this isn't a decision you can base on how the father may feel about you or respond to the news.  he has a right to know, and his knowledge (whether he finds out sooner from you, or later in another way) may have a serious impact on the child's life as well.  these are other people's lives.

what is it you're afraid of?  if you think he's going to react violently toward you and/or the baby, that changes things.  if you just think he's going to sulk and not want to hang out with you, well, i'm sorry but that is not the most important thing to consider here.

[doubledutch]

Originally Posted by doubledutch 

she's pregnant, so clearly female!  :)
 

Originally Posted by albafan15 

I have a gender identity issue added to the fact that I have stage 5 cah. Many may not understand the condition. It's one of those intersex conditions no one talks about. Anyway pretty much I am a genetic female and becoming pregnant was an odd happening for me but it's possible...

i also wanted to say i'm sorry i made this oversimplification.  i don't buy into the gender binary, but my brain latched onto pregnancy and said, "any pregnant person's sex must be female" without thinking about the fact that it can be a lot more complicated than that (and gender, of course, is a whole other story).  i appreciate your frankness (i wasn't aware of cah - always good to learn something new) and wanted to apologize for my assumptions and any possible offense.