New to SP

[big-mama]

Hi I am new in here, separated for almost a month.  Won't have custody hearing for several months (I filed but have received nothing from the courts stating a date yet.)  He wants 50/50 but since he has been abusive and neglectful to the kids, I will not agree to this.  He also has no license or car so he has no way to take kids to doctors, appointments, play dates, etc and he is now living in a one bedroom apartment as well.  He also wants alimony as he has been on SS however his doctor said he could work if he quit drinking and using drugs but he refused.   First he tried being sweet but that didn't work, so now he is trying to intimidate me into giving him the 50/50 and the $.  Or else he says he will get full custody.  The next 4 months or so are going to be long and hard,  :-( 

[eggsandpancakes]

I'm really sorry I don't have any advice, except maybe "don't back down", but I couldn't read and not post.

[josybear]

do you have documentation of mistreatment of the kids? with his living situation he's not likely to get 50/50. often courts follow what's already happening as what they set, so making the normal schedule include you as primary caregiver will work in your favour. the best thing you can do right now is to get a lawyer and not let this guy tell you what to do or what to give him.

best of luck.

[*MamaJen*]

Three really important pieces of advice:

1. Don't believe his threats.

2. Document the hell out of everything -- mistreatment, alcohol or drug abuse, etc. You mentioned in another thread that your mom was watching the kids -- he needs to not be able to play the SAHD card. Have there been any criminal allegations of abuse?

3. Get thee to a lawyer. I know it costs money. Think of this as an investment in your future. You could really be screwing yourself and your kids by tackling this one on your own.