SO UPSET!

[mamatoemily]

My husband and I have been separated for about 8 weeks and have a 7 month old daughter.  4 weeks after we separated he already had a new girlfriend.  He is PUSHING so hard for his girlfriend to meet our daughter (and has been since they were dating ONE WEEK), and I am completely floored by the fact that he would even suggest this and think it is completely inappropriate.  I have tried to explain that to him, but he is supremely selfish and won't listen to anything I say. He barely sees our daughter as it is, does not make much of an effort, so I am trying to encourage him to build his own relationship and bond with her ALONE, because that is very important.  Does anyone have ANY advice?  I know I can't control how he spends his time with her, the little he has, but it makes me SICK to think of him introducing her to this other woman after such a brief dating period.  I don't care at all that he is dating FYI, I feel liberated to not be with him for many reasons, so this isn't just me being hurt.   How on earth do you talk to someone who is so selfish and completely unreasonable?  He just wants to show her off like a trophy, which is funny because she barely knows who he is...

[Forsanda]

I have no advice, but have to agree that it is really soon for the baby to get to know the girlfriend. I understand your frustration. 

[annekevdbroek]

Well, at 7 months meeting his new girlfriend is unlikely to have much impact on your daugther one way or another. I agree that it is selfish and foolish of your ex. On the plus side, it is nice that he is proud of her... kinda. I would be more worried with older children because meeing the new girlfriend would be confusing and make the child feel the loss from the divorce/separation so accutely. Maybe this is something that needs to be addressed in a general sense in some sort of parenting agreement?

[enjoythesilence]

Do you have a parenting plan?  You can propose that any new relationship must have been going on for X amount of time before the child is introduced.   

[MrsJez]

^ Yes! I would totally push for something in writing stating how and when SO's are introduced to children. Sounds to me like he just wants to play "happy family." Yuck.

[Ansley]

Was he good with taking care of the baby before you two seperated? Maybe he wants to both see her and show her off but is also worried about taking care of her and wants his new girlfriend there for support. But I do agree that it is soon. My dd has not yet met my ex's girlfriend and they have been together for 11 months. He lives 5 hours away too though so that makes it harder for him to see our daughter.

[mamatoemily]

He barely cared for her before we separated, and even now when he sees her he always has his sister or mother with him.  He definitely wants to play "happy family" with her and the new GF, whereas before he made no time to see her.  I would love to put a clause in the separation agreement regarding time waited before introducing new partners but I don't think he would ever sign it.  His only concerns are for his own needs.  Even though she is only 7 mths, it is starting a trend...so every new GF  he has he will want her to meet after a couple wks dating??? He is SPUN.

[enjoythesilence]

He does not necessarily have to agree with it, as long as the judge agrees with it.  That all depends on how friendly you want the proceedings to go.  If you are trying to do the divorce in a low key, collaborative way, you could bring it up in counseling or mediation. 

[mamatoemily]

If I were to put something like that in the agreement, what would a realistic time frame be?  6 months?  1 year? Thoughts?