Goin to back to work and dreading it.........

[calizacar]

I'm hoping I can get some advice and maybe some encouragement.  I'm going back to work in a couple of months and already dreading it.  My DS has just turned 1.  I worked for 4 months while he was 4-8 months old and hated it.  I was gone for so long and felt like I was missing out on so much.  I've been lucky enough to be home with him ever since except for two weeks of work ( I freelance, and no, I can't do it from home.... ).  Does everyone feel like this?  And if so, how do you deal with it?  I get such anxiety about working full time.  I know that sometimes you have to make choices that are best for your family financially but damn, I didn't know how my feelings would change so much after having a kid!

Any advice out there would be great, thanks all......

[motherhendoula]

No advice Mama - but had to stop and give (((hugs))) - with my older two DC i was in the same boat - i was back at work when my youngest was 3 m.  - every day, waking them both up at 6:30 AM to get to day care by 7:30 AM - so i could get to work by 8:AM -  all to turn around and do it again in the evening in reverse....

i am very grateful for my current DH working a second job so i didnt have to rush back to work with my current LO.

Remember to bring pictures of the baby to work, wear him often when your home- let the housework sit- spend more time with baby.   I know it hurts, good luck!

[meemee]

yes mama i can completely relate to what you have written. 

however after many tries dd was at a GREAT dc so i didnt have to worry about if she was being taken good care of. that gave me peace of mind.

time is a great healer...

.... but honestly i struggled with two things. my dd was a high needs baby and still a v. intense child. 

i was always ALWAYS ALWAYS caught in two worlds. i hated being away from her. i really, really did. another part i really enjoyed my working experience and having responsibilities and oh just the freedom to 'not be a mom'. to be able to talk to someone else about other things than baby. i mean yeah i talked about her of course but i also talked about other things too.

this happened after an unemployment stint after which i went back to work when she was 2. at 2 i was grateful for the break. 

before she was 2 years old i missed her so very much, after two i would have liked a part time position. i hated working full time. after 3 i was able to work in such a way that she wasnt in dc for 10 hours a day. that made a huge difference.

if my life was 7 am run out the door and 6 pm grab her and serve dinner, check homework and then off to bed - i would be MISERABLE. even now at 8 years old. i would totally hate that. 

you take one day at a time and put one step in front of the other. 

[Xerxella]

We're very similar.  I'm going back to work full time in July and dreading it.  I've spent most of the past 4 years off or 2 days a week part time.  The part time was, for me, 100% wonderful.  It was the right amount of grown up time and I still felt like a I was a "full time mom."  Any chance of part time for you? 

We're going with a nanny for the primary reason of the pick up and drop off time that motherhen talked about.  It would be about 2 hours out of everyone's day to commute back and forth to daycare.  Now, the kids can sleep in and I can go to work earlier and be home earlier to maximize our time together. 

If you can't do a nanny (or au pair, they're much cheaper than you think) maybe consider a day care close to your work where maybe you could visit (nurse?) at lunchtime. 

((HUGS))  It's hard.  But, what are you going to do?  It's life. 

[Ansley]

I went back to work when my DD was 13 months old. She absolutely loved daycare then and still does. I really missed her while at work and I really miss her now since now I work TWO jobs! My cousin lives with us and she watches her at night when I have to work. It sucks, but sometimes you just got to do what you got to do.

[HeckedyPeg]

I went back to grad school full time when DS was 6 months. I feel like a PP said, caught between two worlds! The only thing that made it easier on me was knowing he was being babysat by people he loved, and honestly after the 2nd week I think he missed milkies more than he missed me, haha! It's been about 6 months back, some days are harder than others, but it does get better. Just make the most of the time you are together! You will both be okay :)

*HUGS!*

[Fynns Mommy]

I know exactly how you feel. I'll be going back to work around July 15th. My last day of work was 11/30/2010 and my son was born 12/03/2010. After my maternity leave, my doctor didnt want me to go back to work because of severe anxiety issues. Most of which are work-related. I dread going back so much it's ridiculous. I thought that if I had a break after 2.5 years of working a job I hate, that I would be ok with going back. But the break has just made me realize how much I do not want to go back, for 2 reasons:

The first obvious reason is that I'll miss my son, I've barely spent any time away from him since he was born. The longest stretch being about 6 hours, and that was only one time. So being away for so long doesnt make me feel happy at all, even though his babysitter is his grandpa.

The second reason I dont want to go back is because the job makes me feel twice as old as I really am. The anxiety it has given me has caused me to have to see a counselor, and I just started doing EMDR to try to reduce it. I'll also be starting work at just 20hrs/week at the orders of my doc for the first month, then we'll re-evaluate.

Luckily my company is big enough to have a room specifically for moms who need to pump, and schedules are modified to allow it. I'm just afraid that the stress of even being in that building may affect my ability to pump, as I have a hard time pumping as it is. But we've got to do what we've got to do I guess.