Anyone have a spouse that is away from home all week?

[Jess's Mom]

My dh works 3hrs away from home, so he has an apt that his lives in for the week and is home every weekend.  This is not the first time he has done this.  We talked about it before he took the job and I thought it would be okay, I had a very hard time the first time, but felt that I was stronger this time.  I find myself having very strange feelings about the situation this time.  The kids are being a handful and I an having a hard time dealing with that.  I have lost all the help that I had with them before and I find myself resenting him for the situation.  Feeling like I don't need him and like it would be better to be divorced because at least I would have a weekend to myself insted of having to deal with and please one more person for a weekend.  Don't get me wrong, he does help when he is home, I just find myself easily irritated with him.  Anyone else out there?

[Katie T]

My DH used to be a over the road trucker and would be gone for almost a week at a time. I too found myself resenting him on bad days. I was stressed at home and he was sleeping in his quiet truck. In the end he missed us too much and quit but yes I totally understand. Hugs, I hope it gets better!

[applecider]

Yes! I am there with you. There is another thread around here about "SAHMs with partners who work 70+ hours a week" that has a lot of good support and maybe some ideas. My DP has been working out of town Mon-Thurs for about 9 mos now and it is the hardest thing I've been through. I truly feel like I might go out of my mind sometimes. And I hear you about having DP come home on the weekend, it seems to just make things harder sometimes. Having him gone has put a giant strain on our relationship and I'm not sure when/if we will recover, but I'm not making any solid decisions right now. I would take a big pay cut right now in order to have him home so we could work on things.

Some things that I do to help are:

work out at a gym with childcare (or just sit and read a book!)
get grandma to take them sometimes
get out of the house daily
keep a routine
I really like to take a weekend day to go and do something for myself and so that the kids get one on one (or two on one!) time with dad. I think I tend to get sort of possessive over the house and kids and routine throughout the week since I am the only adult here. So when dp comes home on the weekend I start telling him what to do and that really bugs him. So I just have to leave for a bit to be able to let go. Doesn't help that I'm a tad controlling anyway

Anyway, I hope you can find some peace with the situation and something that works for you! I'm starting to get there, but it is still far from easy.

[applecider]

Oh, one more thing I wanted to add was to get together with friends when AT ALL POSSIBLE. Like, alot. I am more of an extrovert so I really need adult interaction. It has taken some time and lots of effort on my part but I finally feel like I have a few good friends that I can go visit/they can come over and it really helps tremendously.