or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Welcome to Mothering! › Site Help › The Vibe of MDC right now
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

The Vibe of MDC right now

post #1 of 86
Thread Starter 

There sure is some weirdness going on here at MDC these days. How I see it- it was this AP "crunchy" board. Some people who don't agree with some of those types of things felt that this board was too rigid. And in general some people feel that some AP parents are too critical. So then people started expressing things that are not AP like for lack of better term. And felt liberated in doing so. But, now there are a whole lot of people on MDC who have different views on things than the original core theory of this forum. And now those things are infiltrating into the whole. But I think it feels unsettling. I understand why some people think people are too rigid. But this has moved beyond that.   I mean- since the whole recent upheavel I now regularly see threads with long discussions involving spanking (such as- I spanked but what should I have done- which to me ( I haven't read that thread just the title) is a very uncomfortable thing to read about. Or threads about locking a toddler in her room at night. Or threads by people acting violently to theri children in some way (at least in the way I perceive it) and personally it makes me sad! I miss the moderation that happened to keep those types of things out. I don't have some conclusive point here. I understand how some peop[le want this to be a more inclusive and less exclusive type of forum. I do plenty of non perfect or whatever things, but I ultimately strive to be as gentle and loving of a parent as I can be, that is all. I mess up and  make mistakes and test limits of where my comfort lies. But I am just a little sad about a certain sense of gentleness and respect for certain peaceful values that I used to find on MDC. Now I feel like people are so concerned with letting everyone have a free voice and their own opionions that there is not as strong of a place here to promote and discuss some of the original core values that brought htis forum together. There are so very many new posters- I have noticed- people with 1,2,3, or 4 posts- writing about things that are sometimes uncomfortable to me- as I mentionmed examples above. And- I don't know. There is somehow not such a coherent welcoming community on here right now as I used to find. I personally would like the old moderating system to return. I felt safer in that type of forum.

 
post #2 of 86

I don't really know what's going on, either, except changes around here (big ones) seem to happen every couple of years.  I don't make time to sit around and visit a lot of forums on MDC these days, but I like the lesser moderation stance.  I feel that less moderation is a good thing, in general.  However, if there are lots of threads being started that are in support of anti-NFL ideals (and I don't know that there are...I'm just responding to the OP), then of course those need to be moderated out, IMO. 

 

But, if people are simply being honest about their behaviors and asking for help in improving them, help that is NFL-friendly, I won't knock that.  That's what sites like this are for...to help people. 

 

If that hurts your heart (and I understand how it would) to read, then I'm not sure what to suggest to help you deal with that but I don't think more moderation would be the answer. 

 

 

post #3 of 86

The thing is, there are more members who disliked the heavy moderation than those who miss it.  We could take a poll, but I am positive this is true.  It's impossible to please everyone, and while the recent changes like format and advertising have not been well received by many, the newfound freedom of not getting in trouble for a difference of opinion has been a positive change, overall.  It just might take a little while to get the kinks out, so to speak, b/c we are all used to a different atmosphere. 

post #4 of 86

To be fair, though, the OP's complaint is the same kind of complaint that "led to" the heavy moderation in the first place.  So, the way I see it: they tried the heavy moderation solution and it didn't work. 

 

It reminds me of the joke: I childproofed the house, but they keep getting in!

 

NFL seems to be a spectrum and different people fall in different places on that spectrum.  There's room for all of us here.  I should hope. 

post #5 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post

The thing is, there are more members who disliked the heavy moderation than those who miss it.  We could take a poll, but I am positive this is true.  It's impossible to please everyone, and while the recent changes like format and advertising have not been well received by many, the newfound freedom of not getting in trouble for a difference of opinion has been a positive change, overall.  It just might take a little while to get the kinks out, so to speak, b/c we are all used to a different atmosphere. 


Should we take a poll? And if the majority say they woud like us to go back to the heavy moderation, should we?

 

post #6 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthia Mosher View Post




Should we take a poll? And if the majority say they woud like us to go back to the heavy moderation, should we?

 


Sure, why not? :)

 

post #7 of 86

Sure. Why not indeed. smile.gif

 

 I'll post it in Questions and Suggestions. 

post #8 of 86

Thanks for setting that up, Cynthia. Seems fair enough.  I put my vote in. orngbiggrin.gif

post #9 of 86

(eyboard broen sorry!)  [eye] used to complan about old heavy moderaton.  Now [eye] mss t.  Admt [eye] totally deserved almost all ponts receved under old system.  Moderaton to preserve ntellgent tone of cmmunty and unque statement of purpose s mportant and we need more moderaton.  Now there's way too much "Well [eye] guess [eye] am not as ____ as some people here but ____ wors for my famly..."  [eye]MO tae that nonsense elsewhere.  MDC cannot be everythng to everyone.  As they say "eep MDC werd."  Too lttle moderaton allows people to be mmature.

post #10 of 86

I think there will be some discomfort as things change.  For people who are rigidly and dogmatically AP to the point of 'You Have To Do It This Way!' I am sure it will be uncomfortable to hear people voicing that you an certainly have an AP parenting approach while choosing to do some things differently. And, if it turns out that the majority of people really are that dogmatic about it, I suppose the moderation  to a high degree will be necessary so they can have a safe haven.  I will look forwardto the poll outcome.

 

 

One of the threads referenced by the OP- the one about locking a toddler in a room- was not at all about locking a child in a room to keep her out of the way or for the convenience of the parent.  It was about securing a door so the child was safe while the family slept.   It may not fit for your family, but there is nothing abusive about making that choice. 

 

AP isn't all or nothing, and I think it is important to foster discussion of how parents can raise their kids, foster attachment, and still meet the needs of the family as a whole.  

 

The thread of 'confessions' was a clear glimpse into the reality that one size doesn't fit all. It also gave voice to folks who have apparently felt that they needed to live in the shadows of MDC because they were afraid they would be criticized for being themselves completely.   There is absolutely nothing wrong with a parent saying, "I try my best, but sometimes we do xyz." As long as xyz is not abusive, why is it necessarily wrong?  Do we really want to foster an environment where a parent admitting that they let their kids watch tv so they can make dinner is tantamount to an admission of child abuse? I don't understand the desire to make AP some shining pinnacle that feels unattainable by all but a few who are lucky enough to have the time and money to do it "right"?

post #11 of 86
Thread Starter 

yeah- I am totally not a rigid perfect AP parent what so ever! I mean, I actually enjoyed that other thread mostly- it gave me comfort to hear of some things that people do and their kids are still fine! I don't honestly know what I want out  of this idea I am posting here- just trying to sort through some of the changes and how it feels. I agree that discussion is good and different opinions are good. sorry to be vague- I guess I am just un clear about my stance and I just wanted to bring up some discussion on how things have changed and how it some how makes me uncomfortable.

post #12 of 86
Hi all,

I think this is a great conversation for the whole community to have, so since TAO is restricted to 50 posts/60 days, I'm moving this to Q&S where everyone, no matter the post count, can give input, share concerns, etc.

(eta - I gave it a permanent redirect so it will always be visible & clickable in TAO too!)
post #13 of 86

I don't hear a lot of "Yay spanking!  Go go CIO!" voices. at MDC in all this, even now.


I DO hear a lot of pushback against the idea that there is a set checklist of parenting behaviors that are required to be a "Good MDC Mama." A checklist that goes far beyond the idea of being responsive to your baby's needs, and gets down to nitpicking about definitions.  Heck, even on the confessions thread, people are still apologizing for NOT doing things that are by no means necessary to be either attached or natural.    In fact, there are a number of practices held up as ideals that all MDC mothers should be striving for that really don't have a lot of evidence for being very natural, yet I see people every day starting off their posts with a list of disclaimers about how they know they should be doing X or Y or Z but it's not possible. 

 

I think there's probably a fairly strong consensus about the basics amongst everyone who winds up reading/posting here for any length of time:   Empowering women in the birth process, the importance of breastfeeding, being responsive to your baby's cries, not leaving them to CIO, feeding them healthy food and trying to keep them healthy in an increasingly toxic world.   

 

However,  within those basic areas, there are some more extreme positions that most people, even people drawn here for those basics, are not going to agree are integral to being either attached or natural.  MDC has actually made space for some of those extreme positions (go visit the veg*n forum and then the TF forum, for two very different extremes on what "natural living" means when it comes to human diets).   In other areas, though, one extreme position may have no counterbalance, leaving middle of the roaders with the idea that the extreme is, or should be,  the ultimate goal of everyone at MDC. 

 

 

 

 

post #14 of 86

re: the OP. I've been here six years. I can remember - even during the heavy moderation - multiple threads/posts about having spanked and asking for input on a better way to handle it. It almost sounds as if you're recommending that parents who spank or have spanked, but want to stop doing so, should just shut up and not seek guidance/help here, because protecing the "vibe" is more important than promoting GD. If the only people who can post here are those who are already 100% on board with everything that MDC stands for (or that some posters think it stands for), then nobody can learn anything.

 

I simply don't understand why there's any problem with "I spanked ds - what should I have done/what could I do better?" type threads/posts. IMO, they're no different than "we're using disposables, but want to switch to cloth - what do I need to know?" or "we're going vegetarian - recipes/suggestions needed" or whatever. These are all about people coming here and asking for help, because they're moving in a more MDC-friendly direction.

 

 

Finding the balance for moderation is tricky. I do think we were heavily over-moderated before. I mean...I got an alert, because someone posted a "favourite junk food?" thread in TAO, and someone else said we should have a "favourite vegetable?" thread, so I started one. I got an alert, because it should have been in Nutrition and Good Eating. I got another one, because someone asked me a question in a TAO thread, and the question was based on some posts I'd made in PaP. I answered the question...and got an alert, because I was discussing other threads. I totally get that both of those were in violation of forum rules, but it was also really overboard, imo. I mostly like the changes (except that everybody left, and the forums are dead!), but I'm sure there will be some growing/adjustment pains.

post #15 of 86
I am personally happy to see MDC go back to a less moderated forum where people are allowed to discuss and disagree. Frankly, I've never posted much over the last couple of years for fear that I was "doing it wrong". I really miss the people that used to be here and all the various opinions. The vibe now (for me) seems to be glossed-over perfection, with no room for non-ap error. I admit, I was starting to feel guilty for some of the things I do and that I couldn't measure up to the MDC perfection. I love that hopefully the board will go back to "keeping it real" smile.gif
post #16 of 86
Thread Starter 

storm bride- sorry, it is tough to express all of my feelngs without giving some examples- so I chose those- just to respond to that point, I think it is fine for MDC to be a place where people can learn more gentle ways to parent. Even if they are wanting to discuss how to avoid spanking for next time. I was just trying to use that as an example of how it feels different in here to me lately. I am not trying to argue with anyone. Or to prove a point or argue rights and wrongs. I am way too tired right now to even begin to form too many clear ideas anyway, lol. I was just trying to express how MDC feelas different to me sicne the moderation changed- and that the overall feeling felt less gentle to me than it used to. Sorry if the word vibe offends anyone.! I was just trying to express my opinion! I am not trying to censor anyone or kick people out. Simply to have discussion about the ways in which this forum has changed and acknowledge the facet that many people who have been on MDC for a while are finding some things uncomfrtable about the new forum.

post #17 of 86

I am not a major poster here at MDC, but I do check in daily and post in a few forums regularly. This is what I believe went down recently that has caused lower participation and a weird vibe.

 

  • MDC changed their forum format and some people had major issues with it. The look, feel, features and computer issues too.
  • Mothering Magazine stopped publicizing their magazine and did not return money to recent subscribers. Some people were very upset by this.
  • MDC has attempted to increase their web presence by posting forum threads on their Facebook page (although they may have changed this) which upset quite a few people.
  •  MDC started to create their own threads as a way to get the conversation going and attract more posts (these might be posted on FB) and people seemed to like this change.
  • MDC added Expert subforums, which some users like and others do not. One “expert” in particular has been controversial and some are questioning her credentials.
  • MDC had the recent Pat Robertson thread which was an unathuroized listing by their partner and was pulled by MDC. Users were very upset by this because it indicates MDC is relying more on partners and advertisers for this forum.
  • MDC decreased the amount of moderating on the forum. This has opened up the voicing of opinions on all the topics I mentioned above. It’s not that people are now more expressive. It’s that now people can express their opinions without the thread being shut down.
  • As all these changes have taken place, “trolls” have dropped by more often to post and cause havoc. Some of the threads you mention might have been started by Trolls. This has added to the bad vibe for sure.
  • It has also been brought to more member attention (certainly mine) that other forums post and mock our threads to their forums. This isn’t anything MDC can control, but it has caused some people to not want to most here for privacy reasons.

 

I think all of this has caused people to “jump ship” and less forum activity, which makes MDC not a very exciting place. And less threads might mean people visit less often. It also means the snarky threads stand out more. And some of them are very fun!

 

I definitely think it is far more than just the lowered moderation that has lead to any weird vibe, decreased participation and snarkiness. It’s all of the above.

post #18 of 86
Actually, the vibe here used to be awesome, way back when it was less moderated (before you were here rhianna813). A little before you got here it started becoming much more heavily moderated to the point of ridiculousness. I think a lot of the recent posting has been backlash from old posters (pre-2008) that were upset with the heavy-handed moderation. I'm hoping that this place can again become what it was, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen.
post #19 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhianna813 View Post

I am not a major poster here at MDC, but I do check in daily and post in a few forums regularly. This is what I believe went down recently that has caused lower participation and a weird vibe.

 

  • MDC changed their forum format and some people had major issues with it. The look, feel, features and computer issues too.
  • Mothering Magazine stopped publicizing their magazine and did not return money to recent subscribers. Some people were very upset by this.
  • MDC has attempted to increase their web presence by posting forum threads on their Facebook page (although they may have changed this) which upset quite a few people.
  •  MDC started to create their own threads as a way to get the conversation going and attract more posts (these might be posted on FB) and people seemed to like this change.
  • MDC added Expert subforums, which some users like and others do not. One “expert” in particular has been controversial and some are questioning her credentials.
  • MDC had the recent Pat Robertson thread which was an unathuroized listing by their partner and was pulled by MDC. Users were very upset by this because it indicates MDC is relying more on partners and advertisers for this forum.
  • MDC decreased the amount of moderating on the forum. This has opened up the voicing of opinions on all the topics I mentioned above. It’s not that people are now more expressive. It’s that now people can express their opinions without the thread being shut down.
  • As all these changes have taken place, “trolls” have dropped by more often to post and cause havoc. Some of the threads you mention might have been started by Trolls. This has added to the bad vibe for sure.
  • It has also been brought to more member attention (certainly mine) that other forums post and mock our threads to their forums. This isn’t anything MDC can control, but it has caused some people to not want to most here for privacy reasons.

 

I think all of this has caused people to “jump ship” and less forum activity, which makes MDC not a very exciting place. And less threads might mean people visit less often. It also means the snarky threads stand out more. And some of them are very fun!

 

I definitely think it is far more than just the lowered moderation that has lead to any weird vibe, decreased participation and snarkiness. It’s all of the above.



I agree.  I think the weird vibe here is WAY less about moderation or lack there of and way MORE about all these other changes as far as marketing/advertising, and general respect. 

 

post #20 of 86

I have to say as an AP mom that hasnt done everything on the AP/Crunchy checklist, I never let MDC make me feel I was short changing my child. Parenting is a continuum. You take what you need and leave what you dont.

 

A few things I have said have been moderated in the past, and I didnt mind, but they were way more timid than what I have seen posted on MDC lately. I am actually surprised at how little its moderated, when I think of the things I said that I was warned about.

 

I am curious to see what happens next with MDC.

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Site Help
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Welcome to Mothering! › Site Help › The Vibe of MDC right now