or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Welcome to Mothering! › Site Help › The Vibe of MDC right now
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

The Vibe of MDC right now - Page 2

post #21 of 86

rhianna: I agree with most of what you posted. I know a lot of people jumped ship pretty much as soon as the forum format changed. The new format drives me bonkers, too. It's really frustrating to work with.

post #22 of 86

Interesting to read this thread. I picked up on some recent changes myself- the kind of posts that I am alarmed to see (and why I do not frequent other boards) on spanking and the like.

 

I hope that the culture of MDC stays somewhat crunchy- both for AP parents as well as homesteaders and frugal living people. I really like that. I also like that people of all faiths are here, and there are people from all walks of life.

 

I recently had to post that I was offended by what someone said and asked for moderation on a thread, which is the first time I ever had to do that. I was a little stunned.

post #23 of 86

I find it interesting that the "troubling" thing noted about the Pat Robertson thread is related to the advertising aspect.

post #24 of 86

Aww... for  the good old days when we were mothering dot commune.  My posting definitely took a dive around the time we became mothering dot community.  This new format is like nails in a coffin for me.  It takes forever to load and is totally glitchy.  And also no one ever posts here anymore.

post #25 of 86

I joined MDC back in 2003 (it feels like a million years ago now). I haven't been able to bring myself to even lurk in my old haunts in ages. I've tried, but I just can't do it. I'm glad to hear that the moderation is less obnoxious now, because quite frankly I don't believe I deserved ANY of the points I received under the old system. That said, I'm not sure if it is possible for me to feel welcome here anymore. I don't feel that MDC supports my values as a parent anymore, let alone as a human being.

 

Why did I stop posting? The advertising, the ridiculous moderation, and the epidemic of other sites lambasting threads and users. In the early days of the Google partnership in particular, the advertising was completely wrong. I can remember pro-vaccine ads showing up, for example, and people freaking out over them. The entire scene was like a comedy of errors, and most people were afraid to say anything at all because no one knew what would get a moderator's panties into a bunch.

 

I know that MDC "can't do anything" about other websites, but the way that things were moderated around here really made those other sites necessary in the first place-- people started flocking to them because it was too stifling around here. I don't think I was particularly controversial, but I had posts and threads pulled on several occasions when I was being perfectly reasonable-- questions like, "How can we say that we support respecting children as human beings when MDC doesn't treat it's adult members with that same respect?" earned warnings and such. It was obnoxious, overbearing, and controlling-- all the things which MDC once stood firmly against in terms of parenting seemed to become policy for dealing with adults. Many (myself included) found the hypocrisy intolerable. Many of us tried to make it work, but we eventually gave up.

 

There are things about MDC which I still miss. I loved all of the DDC in which I participated, and still communicate regularly with women from them. The tribes were likewise amazing for me, I've met many women I never would have known otherwise and my life is better for it. I was a founding member of Parenting the Gifted Child, and I was the first person to suggest the title "Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy"; I feel like I have a place in MDC history even if I didn't always agree with everyone and I wasn't a terribly popular (in the positive sense ;)) member. I have learned a great deal from MDC, and have been affected  in many positive ways by the community here. I was saddened when I realized that I was avoiding MDC, and sadder still when I would visit and feel completely alienated from the community and unable to speak my mind. Like I said, I haven't been the most popular member but I did make an effort to be civil when I disagreed (most people did, once upon a time).

 

I feel very old, and very sad. Honestly, I probably won't be back. MDC seems to be all about alienating it's supporters these days, and it has felt that way for quite some time. My suggestions for improvement? Reduced moderation is a start, but without knowing what it entails I can't say that it's enough. I would start by getting rid of the advertising team. It seems to me that MDC staff has fallen victim to the logical fallacy of the Argument from Authority. "We're having money problems, so let's talk to people who are good at making money." The fact that ad execs know how to make money is irrelevant, especially when your particular consumer base is (was?) largely anti-commercialism. Who thought that it could possibly be a good idea to have commercial advertising, especially advertising which is not rigorously vetted, on a website with an entire forum dedicated to living life without television?

 

I am  very grateful for the friends I have made here, most of whom I still communicate with regularly-- on Facebook, where they make up a sizable portion of my Friends List. :) I'm also grateful for the many things I have learned, and the diversity which once made MDC my favorite place on the Web. I have found comfort, support, laughter, hand-holding and kicks in the pants when I needed them, but I feel like I'm reminiscing about a place that existed lifetimes ago. (Heh. I suppose, technically, that I am. :)) I wish you luck on the journey, and I hope that MDC can find a way to a new path-- one more in line with the values which originally drew me to this place. I'll be on Facebook, ranting about breastfeeding statistics and laughing at children's books with obscene titles to which we can all relate (even if we don't want to admit it ;)). :wave

post #26 of 86

I have found myself moving on.

 

For a couple of reasons:

 

1. I am more secure in my parenting and am not looking for the affirmation I needed as a new mother.

2. I really dislike the commercial/consumerist aspect of MDC

3. The new format makes it very frustrating to post

 

I will always be grateful to my DDC's and for having found a platform to explore parenting philosophies. MDC played a large role in my life from 2008 - about 2009/2010.

 

I am sad it has fallen apart like it has.

post #27 of 86

The vitriol is just out of hand. 

post #28 of 86
Thread Starter 

I just feel like there is a ton of mean ness on here all of a sudden. I am thinking af maybe returning to occasional lurk mode but keeping my thoughts to myself, unless I have a question I really need help with. In the last few weeks I just feel intimidated to post anything because it feels like there are snarky responses and arguments waiting around every corner! oh well, it used to be super fun here but things change. even in another thread I just posted in yesterday I got a bunch of mean snark thrown at me- it was like a clear example of what I am talking about. anyway- if anyone wants to pm me if there are any new forums people have gone to that have a more friendly feeling, that would be cool. thanks

post #29 of 86

I don't mind not being over-moderated and I am glad for everyone who feels confident in their parenting no matter how "crunchy" or "un-crunchy" it is...but it does seem like there is a lot of backlash. People putting things in their sigs like "I have completely un-natural hospital births and loved them!" or people saying how awesome epidurals are or that they scheduled all 3 of their C-sections...that's great I am totally happy your feel good about that BUT this is the only place I know of where I can not be a "freak" form having a drug-free birth and BFing my toddler.

 

SO maybe I am being selfish but I just want ONE place (even if it's virtual) where I can be me and hold my values without judgment, after all I did come here b/c I wanted a natural birth and am really into AP and GD and other NFL things. Why is it too much to ask to have a NFL site? No I don't think you should be judged for having you c-section either, but this is not the site to go around promoting c-sections or epis. I also don't see why it has become what it has just b/c the mods let us loose.

post #30 of 86

I don't know if it's the moderation or what...but the mood the past couple of weeks has been VERY childish. Seriously, do you guys realize there are at least 4 threads discussing this EXACT SAME THING?!? We get it. Some people miss the old moderation, some people are glad, some people could give a $h!t. All of the complaining is making people sound like a bunch of kids. "MMOOOMMM, they're being mean to me!!!"  "I don't like you anymore!" etc...

 

Can we just agree to disagree and stop beating the poor horse? Or at least keep the complaining all in one thread? Everyone go sit in your corners.

post #31 of 86


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

I don't mind not being over-moderated and I am glad for everyone who feels confident in their parenting no matter how "crunchy" or "un-crunchy" it is...but it does seem like there is a lot of backlash. People putting things in their sigs like "I have completely un-natural hospital births and loved them!" or people saying how awesome epidurals are or that they scheduled all 3 of their C-sections...that's great I am totally happy your feel good about that BUT this is the only place I know of where I can not be a "freak" form having a drug-free birth and BFing my toddler.

 

SO maybe I am being selfish but I just want ONE place (even if it's virtual) where I can be me and hold my values without judgment, after all I did come here b/c I wanted a natural birth and am really into AP and GD and other NFL things. Why is it too much to ask to have a NFL site? No I don't think you should be judged for having you c-section either, but this is not the site to go around promoting c-sections or epis. I also don't see why it has become what it has just b/c the mods let us loose.


I really don't think "letting" people say they love epidurals or whatever means the community is sliding into a position where we'll/ you'll be considered a freak here for nursing a toddler/preschooler and having a NCB. The whole "We have to quiet talk of non AP/NFL practices or we'll end up being seen as freaks for practicing AP/NFL!" idea just doesn't seem to be true to me.

 

I also think the whole crunch vs mainstream mommy war stuff is kind of silly and kind of unhealthy. Only, like, 1% of us are "perfectly" crunchy. An environment where 99% of the members are "in the closet" about who they really are and what their lives are really like isn't good for anyone.

 

post #32 of 86


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakay View Post


 


I really don't think "letting" people say they love epidurals or whatever means the community is sliding into a position where we'll/ you'll be considered a freak here for nursing a toddler/preschooler and having a NCB. The whole "We have to quiet talk of non AP/NFL practices or we'll end up being seen as freaks for practicing AP/NFL!" idea just doesn't seem to be true to me.

 

I also think the whole crunch vs mainstream mommy war stuff is kind of silly and kind of unhealthy. Only, like, 1% of us are "perfectly" crunchy. An environment where 99% of the members are "in the closet" about who they really are and what their lives are really like isn't good for anyone.

 



I pretty much like whatever you have to say.

 

I think feeling like you have to defend your parenting is horrible - whatever the parenting style/philosophy.

 

I know MDC offered me a place to get affirmation for more alternative things like homebirth, exclusive breastfeeding, keeping young children at home, whole foods etc. I was totally on my own IRL, and the virtual world gave me the support I needed at that time.

 

Unfortunately, as a new parent, I also thought there was ONE WAY to do it right. And got myself tied up in knots. Yeah, I think organic is a good idea, but I must be a traitor to the cause as I used non organic clothing/bedding etc. My sofa has flame retardants. etc. 

 

Thankfully I grew up a bit and came to see the importance of the meaning we give to our parenting. And realised that most kids are going to thrive with a variety of parenting styles. You have to be seriously abusive to do irreparable damage. And vaccinating, FF, c-section etc are not the equivalent of child abuse (as it sometimes was construed). And parents come with a wide variety of needs, strengths and weaknesses. Judging other parents (short of abuse) is just gonna make for a bunch of people getting hurt.

 

When I started asking myself what is the AP way? or NFL way? I knew I was in trouble. I needed to find the best solution at an given moment that suited my situation. Not a philosophy.

 

Anyhoo. I don't like the feeling like posts are taken apart maliciously elsewhere. Although that is the nature of the internet.

post #33 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

I don't mind not being over-moderated and I am glad for everyone who feels confident in their parenting no matter how "crunchy" or "un-crunchy" it is...but it does seem like there is a lot of backlash. People putting things in their sigs like "I have completely un-natural hospital births and loved them!" or people saying how awesome epidurals are or that they scheduled all 3 of their C-sections...that's great I am totally happy your feel good about that BUT this is the only place I know of where I can not be a "freak" form having a drug-free birth and BFing my toddler.

 

SO maybe I am being selfish but I just want ONE place (even if it's virtual) where I can be me and hold my values without judgment, after all I did come here b/c I wanted a natural birth and am really into AP and GD and other NFL things. Why is it too much to ask to have a NFL site? No I don't think you should be judged for having you c-section either, but this is not the site to go around promoting c-sections or epis. I also don't see why it has become what it has just b/c the mods let us loose.

 

 

This is still in our Terms of Service:

 

 

Quote:

We are not interested, however, in hosting discussions that advocate crying it out, harsh sleep training, physical punishment, formula feeding, elective cesarean section, routine infant medical circumcision, or mandatory vaccinations as a parenting philosophy. 

 

 

But we don't want an echo chamber. By opening up the discussions to those who may practice a less NFL lifestyle we are in a position to discuss ideas that they may not be familiar with (which is a positive thing). 

 

 

 

post #34 of 86

I haven't actually been around here much since the software changeover - most of the bugs were never really sorted out, and I will say, as a tech-geek: it sucks. So I haven't really seen what the new "lesser" moderation is like. But I will agree with those that said the old moderation was simply too strict. I got so many warnings and alerts for really ridiculous nit-picky things. All the old policies that were a whole lot of double-speak drove so many of us to drink (well, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it). I really miss the days where we could just have harmless friendly banter in TAO.

I wonder - is there some kind of middle-ground between the loss of moderation that has led to nastiness and trolling and the previous uber-strictness?

post #35 of 86

Just my $0.02

 

I left MDC when the forum formats changed. I found it difficult to navigate and posting became a chore. I came back recently to join a DDC and I see that all hell has broken loose.  

 

I definitely miss the old MDC, where we were respectful of each other (even if we didn't want to be), spoke like civilized, grown adults and had a sense of "community". I don't feel any of that here now.

 

 

post #36 of 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by majikfaerie View Post

I haven't actually been around here much since the software changeover - most of the bugs were never really sorted out, and I will say, as a tech-geek: it sucks. So I haven't really seen what the new "lesser" moderation is like. But I will agree with those that said the old moderation was simply too strict. I got so many warnings and alerts for really ridiculous nit-picky things. All the old policies that were a whole lot of double-speak drove so many of us to drink (well, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it). I really miss the days where we could just have harmless friendly banter in TAO.

I wonder - is there some kind of middle-ground between the loss of moderation that has led to nastiness and trolling and the previous uber-strictness?


I think this is what, as mods and admins, we're struggling with. Let's face it, with the old UA, we wouldn't even be discussing this at all. Lightening up the moderation was meant to encourage things like bantering in TAO. I miss that too! lol.gif But we are getting such mixed messages here. More moderation, less moderation. We can all be adults, there is too much childish behavoir going on.

As for getting alerts for knitpicky things, well, yeah. We were kind of between a rock and a hard place with the old UA. There wasn't a whole lot of wiggle room to use our own discretion. Namecalling was namecalling, no matter what. Mentioning religion in TCAC was the same thing as striking up a coversation dealing directly with religious circ. So, I think the ability to have a bit more wiggle room and take into account people's intentions, not just words, is great.

I like that we aren't handing out reminders or alerts, just asking for edits if necesary and letting conversations take their course. There have been quite a few conversations where we used to step in and shut them down. Now I've seen some conversations that started out a bit scary, end up with people actually working through things, maybe agreeing to disagree, but still feeling they have been heard.

I truly hate the nasty meaness and accusations that are flying. I hate the idea that people really think the mods were in some way constructing a conspiracy to "get" some people. We didn't ever have time for that crap. Of course, now that we've got so much more time on our hands....Bwahahahahaaaa!

I would really like people to give us the benefit of the doubt. We still haven't settled in to the new platform and we certainly haven't settled into the new moderation style. We are working on it, though. It just takes time.
post #37 of 86

I'm totally fine with there not really being too many hard and fast rules, and the mods just kind of taking things on a case by case basis, factoring in nuanced stuff like the probabilities of people working things out, the likely intention of the posters in question, and the validity of people's POV if they're expressing clear irritation with someone else.

post #38 of 86
In my opinion, the more/less moderation conversation is just a polite distraction from what's really causing the funky vibe. More and more members are becoming aware of and outraged by the racist and homophobic threads hosted by mdc, combined with a lack or responsibility by mdc for their recent egregious "errors" in ad partnering. Furthermore, I think members are losing patience with the response given when the authority here is questioned. Instead of healthy discussion, there is a simple smack down of shut the F up - thread closed, "end of disscusion." The hypocrisy between gentle discipline and how mdc admin acts is laughable - just not sure the good outweighs the bad anymore for a lot of folks...
post #39 of 86

Snapdragon, I asked this in another thread but I don't think you ever answered me. 

 

Do you think it is better to not discuss spanking at all on MDC or to say, "hey, I spanked but I would like better alternatives. How would you handle this?" 

 

 

post #40 of 86
I think a big part of some of the "disrespectful" posting seen of late is that people are feeling disrespected themselves. It's very hard to maintain respect for a community that continually disrespects you.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Site Help
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Welcome to Mothering! › Site Help › The Vibe of MDC right now