Moderation of MDC - What do you think? - Page 10

[mamakay]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

Originally Posted by Lillitu 

I have been dressed that this forum has decayed the way it has- with people posting about topics that have no business being on an AP forum "don't flame me, but I spank" for example. Folks can go elsewhere for advice for spanking parents, we don't need that here.

I also saw a horrible new person berate poor women on a thread not once but 6 times and there was no mod step in whatsever. I have yet to hear anything after flagging the posts. Sigh. I miss THE COMMUNITY. This doesn't feel like a community anymore.

Maybe we haven't seen the same threads, but the threads like that I've seen have been more like, "Please don't flame me - I spanked but I'm looking for another way to handle this", which seems very relevant to MDC. Just saying someone spanked, and isn't in a place where they can handle flames, isn't a problem to me. If someone posted advising someone to spank for something, that would absolutely bother me. If someone posted saying, "I choose to spank so I handle it differently than people here are suggesting", well I guess it seems only fair if that person is open to hearing some outside opinions on spanking anyway, particularly if they post that in GD. I am very very opposed to spanking. I like the idea of people moving away from spanking to feel safe coming here to learn new ways to handle things, but to tell the truth, I don't like the idea of people who choose to spank and find it to be a reasonable discipline tool posting in GD at all. I mean, you don't practice GD if you spank and think spanking is ok, and therefore IMO your discipline opinions are irrelevant to GD. Just my opinion!

ITA on all points.

[stik]

Maybe the true answer here is that, in the largest parenting forum on the web, no one gets to post in an echo chamber.  You're always going to hear some dissent.  Sometimes, you're going to hear a lot of dissent.  That's been true for as long as I have been on MDC. 

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by stik 

As a pro-vaccination person who regularly debates in the vaccination forum, I should like to point out that there is an "I'm not Vaccinating" forum for those who want to avoid debate.  

And yet, I've seen debates there too.  There is a spectrum of opinions about vaccines on either side of the argument, just as I would imagine there is about UCing as well.

[Chamomile Girl]

I'm sorry, I've read all the responses and I still think that a support only thread is a bad idea because it involves...by necessity...heavy censorship.

I guess I believe in freedom more than I believe in, well, just about anything.

[SuburbanHippie]

Originally Posted by Arduinna 

Babycenter? I think the rhetoric is getting rediculous when MDC is being compared to babycenter. Does babycenter have a UC forum? Or an I'm not vaccinating forum? Or a forum dedicated to intactivism? 

Right, it doesn't.

False.  Anyone can make up their own board on Babycenter.  There has been positive discussion on UC on the Crunchy Mamas board.  There has been positive discussion on intactivism on the Attachment Parenting board.  There are several anti-vax forums that go from selective/delayed to all out anti-vax.  THAT is why I compare MDC to BBC.  At this point, they are one in the same.  The moderation is sketchy, the ads bombard the page, snarkiness is the new little black dress, and they cover the same content.  BBC is still much more mainstream though for the most part.

[lkvosu]

Originally Posted by AverysMomma 

I shudder at the fact that this even needs to be said:

UC mamas do not need some smartbutt, holier than thou, busy bodies coming through and telling them that their birthing choice is dangerous. Who do you women think you are? Angels from heaven who are going to impart some crucial information that somehow never occurred to the mother in question? The whole entire human population outside of MDC and a few teeny tiny corners of the internet/world are  SCREAMING night and day at a UC mama that her choice is selfish, stupid, dangerous and disgusting. Which is why she comes here, to talk about her choice, feel good about her choice and mingle in a relaxing way with other mamas who feel the same way. Not so that you busy bodies can needle your way into her sanctuary and spew your self righteous crap.

"Horrible advice on the UC board has led to a baby dying" - really? Was it your baby? Oh, no, it wasn't?? Then walk on, rubber necker, it's none of you business. I how many times has advice more in line with the mainstream led to horrible complication or newborn death "Yeah, girl, the doctors totally know what they are doing, let them induce you, you are so done being pregnant, give that baby his eviction notice! HAHAHA" - how many times? "Oh, girl, just take the pitocin" "I had cytotec and I was just fine" - MANY more times, "common wisdom" and mainstream thinking has led to complication and death so don't you dare think that just because UC women ---in their striving for gentle, responsible birth on their own terms--- are a huge minority, it gives you the right to talk to them like they are monkeys who never considered that their choice to forgo assistance could, in the end, just like in the hospital, lead to severe complication or death.

Statistically speaking, UC is not more dangerous than HB and statistically speaking, HB is SAFER than birth in the hospital. So keep your ignorant, bossy opinions to yourself. If a UC mama wants to feel stupid and judged she'll go to Thanksgiving dinner, or the grocery store or a doctors office or the playground or taco bell or wherever else in the world there are people with mouths. If she wants to discuss UC in an environment that is supportive of her choice, she'll come to MDC and you will shut your mouth about it because it's not your business or your place to comment negatively.

I will never understand what motivates some of you...how freaking special you must feel, that you honestly believe that in going to the UC board and "reminding those idiots that they are selfish and putting their babies in dangers way" you are helping anyone. The only thing it's doing is helping YOU to feel self satisfied.

I'm a total newbie, and I don't "know" any of you. I have been lurking on this board for about a year but only recently began posting. I wasn't even going to post in this thread because, well, who cares what I think, right? After seeing the above post, though, I really felt compelled to add my two cents. I like the low moderation as it pertains to subject matter and dissenting opinions, as long as no one actually advocates spanking, CIO, or circ. But what I don't like is that someone could be as rude as this poster was.  Shouldn't this kind of hateful attitude be regulated? If it isn't going to be, then, like other posters have mentioned, MDC won't be any better than Babycenter.  And I don't mean to single out the person who posted this, but this is the worst example I've seen of the disrespect that many are complaining about.  I'm sure there are worse examples to be found, but I don't follow MDC closely enough to know of any.

For the record, I'm going to vote "other".

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by SuburbanHippie 

False.  Anyone can make up their own board on Babycenter.  There has been positive discussion on UC on the Crunchy Mamas board.  There has been positive discussion on intactivism on the Attachment Parenting board.  There are several anti-vax forums that go from selective/delayed to all out anti-vax.  THAT is why I compare MDC to BBC.  At this point, they are one in the same.  The moderation is sketchy, the ads bombard the page, snarkiness is the new little black dress, and they cover the same content.  BBC is still much more mainstream though for the most part.

hey if you think they are one and the same, have fun posting over there. 

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by Arduinna 

I'll give you an example, I've had my posts edited more than once for completely silly things, like the OP posted that she thanked God that her dh prayed about their decision and decided that leaving the baby intact was the right choice ( no discussion of actual religion was had at all in the thread). And I replied something like, "he's a keeper for listening to God" or something. Again, no religion mentioned. My post was deleted for discussing "religion". It's just silly. 

Also the fact that we aren't allowed to use the word mutilation. 

I always love it when "listening to God" is considered non-religious... Really makes me curious about the definition of "God" and when it became secular...

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by lkvosu 

I'm a total newbie, and I don't "know" any of you. I have been lurking on this board for about a year but only recently began posting. I wasn't even going to post in this thread because, well, who cares what I think, right? After seeing the above post, though, I really felt compelled to add my two cents. I like the low moderation as it pertains to subject matter and dissenting opinions, as long as no one actually advocates spanking, CIO, or circ. But what I don't like is that someone could be as rude as this poster was.  Shouldn't this kind of hateful attitude be regulated? If it isn't going to be, then, like other posters have mentioned, MDC won't be any better than Babycenter.  And I don't mean to single out the person who posted this, but this is the worst example I've seen of the disrespect that many are complaining about.  I'm sure there are worse examples to be found, but I don't follow MDC closely enough to know of any.

For the record, I'm going to vote "other".

I'm glad you decided to post.  Everyone's vote is important, so thanks for your input.

Averysmomma was really rude, and I don't have any problem calling her out on that (as others have, too).  I do think that she usually offers helpful advice, so obviously she is really upset here - not that it's an excuse.  The thing is she maybe doesn't realize she is making the choice to UC look bad, at least IMO, by talking as she did.   Hopefully she's cooled off a bit by now, and will not take all negative UC talk as a personal attack.

I care about all babies, thank you very much, and I care about the lives of women who are essentially strangers on the Internet - not to mention their families who have to live with whatever happens in the event something goes wrong (hospital or home).  I'm pretty sure that's just being a normal, caring member of society. 

[kmeyrick]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

I always love it when "listening to God" is considered non-religious... Really makes me curious about the definition of "God" and when it became secular...

I *think* what she meant was that she got a warning for discussing religious circumcision when she wasn't. I don't agree with anything else Arduinna has said in this thread, but I think that's a misunderstanding. The CAC forum is not allowed to host debates on religious circ and rightly so considering who tries to sneak out of the woodwork anyway.
 

[goodygumdrops]

I picked other.

I like a combo of the two.  I do enjoy that Mothering is a forum that supports alternative lifestyle/parenting styles etc but I feel like in doing so it may tend to ostracize members that choose to live a more mainstream lifestyle.  I have often been offended by the "end all" parenting ideologies that are some members push down the throats of new posters...but I think that may just be a consequence of a anonymous format of an online forum.  Parenting is a passionate subject and we may tend to get ahead of ourselves, iykwim.  As such, we are a global community with a broad range of parenting methods and we need to remember this before passing judgment.  Yet, on the contrary, I am not really comfortable with the level of moderation we have now and I think it needs to be picked up a bit.  I have been debating leaving this forum for good as I don't post much anymore.  Over the last few years,  I really love that Mothering has served to enlighten new parents as they grow their families. 

Just my two cents...

[journeymom]

Originally Posted by lkvosu 

I'm a total newbie, and I don't "know" any of you. I have been lurking on this board for about a year but only recently began posting. I wasn't even going to post in this thread because, well, who cares what I think, right? After seeing the above post, though, I really felt compelled to add my two cents. I like the low moderation as it pertains to subject matter and dissenting opinions, as long as no one actually advocates spanking, CIO, or circ. But what I don't like is that someone could be as rude as this poster was.  Shouldn't this kind of hateful attitude be regulated? If it isn't going to be, then, like other posters have mentioned, MDC won't be any better than Babycenter.  And I don't mean to single out the person who posted this, but this is the worst example I've seen of the disrespect that many are complaining about.  I'm sure there are worse examples to be found, but I don't follow MDC closely enough to know of any.

For the record, I'm going to vote "other".

I thought it was blunt, and on fire with righteous anger. And a little rude. Whatever.  I don't follow the UC issues, don't know Avery'sMomma from Adam.

I hope you'll post more! I still love it here.

[osker]

I think moderation was too harsh before with too many conversations being shut down and people afraid to honestly converse.  I can see how some would think that a less moderated atmosphere is naturally negative, but I think that adults will find a balance and figure out their own self control if given the opportunity.

[Fuamami]

Had to vote "other". I have been on MDC for over 5 years and have always thought it was a place where people had to be respectful, or else. When posters lost their tempers or were rude, they were reprimanded, myself included. However, I recently saw a thread where numerous posters were disagreeing with the OP, and started slandering her and her previous parenting choices (which had not once been mentioned in this thread). I was disgusted and especially upset that a GA was the one criticizing her and making references to previous posts the OP had made, when she had obviously shared private information about her life. I started my online life on Babycenter, where there was very little moderation and anybody could say anything and attack anyone. Consequently, there never seemed to be the deep conversations where people actually exchange honest information, like I have found so many times on MDC. I actually wouldn't even mind terribly if people posted w/non-NFL parenting views, as long as it was not allowed to devolve into a mud-sling.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by kmeyrick 

I *think* what she meant was that she got a warning for discussing religious circumcision when she wasn't. I don't agree with anything else Arduinna has said in this thread, but I think that's a misunderstanding. The CAC forum is not allowed to host debates on religious circ and rightly so considering who tries to sneak out of the woodwork anyway.
 

Just for the record I didn't get a warning, just had the mods request an edit/removal of the comment. 

[dogretro]

Less!  I HATED the old UA and moderation.  I often had difficulty figuring out how to say what I wanted w/ out getting a warning.  It was fear-mongering and horrible.

Yup, it is definitely not nice to call people names or be nasty towards them.  If someone says something rude to me, I have the ability to type, "You know, that was a really rude way to say what was on your mind."  In fact, we all have this ability.  If you see someone being rude or nasty, call them on it publicly, right there in the thread.  We should not have to continually turn to the moderators to fully regulate the board for us.  It's like with schoolyard bullying: Teachers (moderators) can only do so much to stop it.  It's up to the students (posters) to stand up and say, "We are not going to tolerate this, you need to knock it off."  If you see someone getting attacked, defend them!  That is they type of stuff that leads to community, not policy and enforcement.

[kmeyrick]

Originally Posted by Arduinna 

Just for the record I didn't get a warning, just had the mods request an edit/removal of the comment. 

But was I in the general ballpark?

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by kmeyrick 

But was I in the general ballpark?

Yes, we weren't discussing religious circ and no religion was mentioned or even hinted at.  

[baglady]

I'm an occasional poster. I voted other because I don't want MDC to turn into a super snarky high school board where members openly make fun of each other. However, I think the moderation was too overbearing. There's no reason that we can't have real conversation and stop snakiness at the same time. I love the advice I've always gotten from the boards (by posting and lurking) but I was always slightly uncomfortable with the police state nature of the conversation control. I'm an adult who believes in AP, that's why I'm here. That's why most of us are here. People who aren't in line with that type of lifestyle wont stay long even if they come to try to rile up members.

I feel that mothering was getting a little too rigid in their definition what AP is, or maybe what the purpose of the board is at all. If someone comes here to learn about AP and immediately gets banned because they post that they've been CIO, how will that mama ever learn to make different choices the future? To be clear, I'm speaking of someone asking a question about sleep training, not someone advocating. We've all seen threads removed for less.

I personally stopped posting last summer when I joined a due date club. I felt like all of the women in my club had a great community feel and all of a sudden one of us got banned. I read through all of her posts but I never knew why. I couldn't find anything that seemed offensive. the mods refused to tell anyone why. That's just as high school as being super snarky.

[Contrariety]

I put myself in the "happy medium" camp.  The trolling and personal attacks are juvenile and have no place here.  Challenges to core AP values have no place here.  I honestly don't see the point of having an AP-minded community if we can't be an AP-minded community.  If I wanted to hear mainstream opinion, I'd ask everyone else in town, not come to MDC. 

ETA:  I forgot to mention that I can definitely do without the petty wrist slapping warnings of the past.  That was ridiculous and i cut waaaaaay down on participation with the big crack down a few years ago.