are your 8 and 9 year olds 'happy carefree' kids?

[meemee]

today i went with my dd's 3rd grade class for their end of the year picnic at the park. 94 kids. i have watched these kids from 1st grade so am familiar and know a lot of them (i used to volunteer a lot in the lower grades). 

i had a nice long conversation with them today.

and many of them (<sigh> my babies) told me how their life is full of both. they have happy times but they also have a lot of hard times. some said more sad than happy. 

that big full faced naive smile from 1st grade is gone. i notice with my own dd. that 3 year old full belief that the world is a wonderful place is gone. 

perhaps i am talking about maturing. they are still babies sitting on their moms laps, being kids at the picnic... but i do notice that naive spark is gone from them. 

its not like their 3 year old selves going i didnt get my icecream for bfast so i am going to throw a mighty tantrum and then be done with it and then run off to do their own thing soooo happy (i dont quite know what word to use here. no not bliss). 

a lot of them have gone through hard times and some are doing it now. 

they are so reacting to the realities of life. like even if they are clowning around it doesnt quite reach their eye.

is that your experience too?

[karne]

No, not really.  I have an almost 9 y/o who is very much a happy kid, and most I see this age are as well.  What I have seen however, particularly in the last few years, are kids who have families who were hit fairly hard by the recession, and they, and their families, were experiencing a lot of stress.  The kids weren't aware of the details-it was more that their lives were changing, their parents were upset, etc., and it all trickled down.  

[meemee]

you know karne i thought about that. while i dont know the private details except for a few, these are children coming mostly from well off two parent homes who are busy in quite a number of activities. 

i think i am seeing this as a 'this is what its like to be a grown up'. yes they are silly and have fun, but i guess they are aware more and have experienced choices they have had to made they didnt like.

i know also their own perspective matters. dd's bf comes from a v. solid background with barely any stress. but he is a child who gets upset by natural catastrophes. 

[nextcommercial]

The recession has hit a lot of families hard.

I know that these days, I have more time this summer, but no money, so there's not much we can do to make the summer fun.  That rubs off on the kids.  I'm stressed so the kids are stressed.

When my own kids were that age, once school got out, it was just them, the daycare kids and a few neighbor kids, so they were all very happy.  We had lots of fun plans, they had gameboy and Pokemon and Uno cards.  They relaxed and had fun together and they really liked each other.   Late at night, the neighbor kids would go out and play in the street til 10:00 or later... they came inside happy, dirty and tired.  

During the school year, kids don't like everybody in their class, and not everybody likes them.  Just knowing you have a test, or a project due hangs over your head.  

Some kids are looking forward to a fun summer of swimming and playing.  Some are looking at a summer of going to the daycamp being held all summer in the school cafeteria, (so school doesn't end) Some are going to stay home with an older sibling, some are going to spend six weeks at Dad's house in another town with his new wife.  It's either going to be good, bad or indifferent for all of these kids.  

I grew up with freedom in the summer. We rode bikes all over the neighborhood.  We took the train downtown.  I spent one week at summer camp and one week at my grandmother's in the country.   

[katiecat]

I have been thinking about something that's maybe related. DS (9) is still a pretty happy kid but he has his own issues (as does everyone to varying degrees) that are very hard for him. But I was specifically thinking about was how I am seeing him "shut down". I remember this from when I was growing up. I don't know if it's because we are particularly sensitive or if it happens to most everyone but for him I think it's about getting hurt (his feelings) and seeing how unkind some people can be as well are experiencing these feelings in himself (because he is not an angel either!). Little by little I think I see him putting up protective walls around his feelings...which I guess to some degree is normal.

Not sure if that relates to what you are seeing. I know for him it's not about money or anything like that but I can definitely see that affecting kids.

[AllyRae]

That's the problem though...you don't know the private details.  A lot of people coming from 'well off two parent homes" are still feeling the recession.  Even well off homes have had stocks plummet, expenses skyrocket, hours cut (or having to work extra hours with no extra pay just to keep their job), and having parents both have to work extra and be home less.  

There is also just a lot of stress, everywhere.  You can't go a day without hearing that schools are failing (and most of them involve the children in constant doomsday fundraising telling them to help rally the public to pass a levy or their favorite subjects will be cut), violence and natural disasters, etc.  The world is very small these days because information comes so easily.  Kids pick up on that...
 

Originally Posted by meemee 

you know karne i thought about that. while i dont know the private details except for a few, these are children coming mostly from well off two parent homes who are busy in quite a number of activities. 

i think i am seeing this as a 'this is what its like to be a grown up'. yes they are silly and have fun, but i guess they are aware more and have experienced choices they have had to made they didnt like.

i know also their own perspective matters. dd's bf comes from a v. solid background with barely any stress. but he is a child who gets upset by natural catastrophes. 

[mistymama]

I think overall, yes, the kids I see are pretty carefree and happy. We've had a very rough year - our baby was born with a major brain malformation, lived 10 weeks both in the hospital and at home, and died in our arms right before Christmas. That has changed us all - and yes, my 8 year old has lost a little of his spark because of it. He loved Gavin just as much as we did, and it broke his heart. It shattered his innocence about life and death.

But it's been 6 months now, and I see his happy spark starting to come back. That makes me very, very happy.

Most of his friends are fun and carefree - they have their own "billygoat" language, do silly games, etc. Of course they are not all little angels and he's had his share of conflicts. He's grown up a little more this past year and is less innocent when it comes to relationships with others and protecting his feelings. He is also an Aspie, so I think in ways, that helps preserve his innocence. He does not get lying or social games, and honest to a fault. In ways, that may make him seem younger than he is...

[Alyantavid]

My 9 year old's a really happy kid.  He is sensitive and is easily upset by things.  And we've had a very hard few months, but he's happy and pretty carefree.  If you'd seen him 2 months ago when his 10 year old dog and great grandfather (both of whom he was extremely close to) died within a week of each other, he probably wouldn't have seemed too happy.

Some of the kids in his class do seem to be really upbeat and happy kids and some of them have been through more than I can imagine.

[DariusMom]

 My 8 year old DS is pretty happy, as are most of his friends. Compared to my own childhood with an explosive father , an alcoholic, depressed mother, a sister with ADHD, and a lot of exclusion at school, DS *is* carefree! But I don't know if he would view it that way, though ... .DS has his cares. School doesn't always go the way he'd like it too (but it's *much* better since we moved him to a new school. He was being excluded/didn't fit in at his old school) and he's not getting as long as well with his best friend anymore.However, we're fortunate in that we're doing well economically (and he can do a few extra-curricular activities that he really wants to do -- art class, history club), we live in a safe neighborhood where he can play, he gets tons of  love, attention, and validation, and DH and I have a reasonably healthy relationship.

[childsplay]

My 8 1/2 y/o ds is pretty intense, however before he hit 7 he still had that carefree-I-don't-give-a-hoot-what-others-think-attitude. Heck when he was 6 he did a 5 minute long interpretive dance in front of his entire school, and at church he'd get down right in the middle aisle, complete with half flips and spins. We really never knew where he'd break out dancing, it was pretty awesome. He would skip, run, and dance everywhere, when he asked questions he'd get that huge eyed, upturned face of a child, he hugged everyone and never cared if his pants were on backwards or his shirt was inside out, his biggest worry was whether we'd read one book or two at bedtime and his biggest fear was falling in the toilet.

Within the past year though he's become very serious, if I was asked to describe his personality now I'd have to say 'serious/studious, gentle, but pissed off with a dry wit'. I still catch glimpses of the little kid side of him once in a while, like when he's laughing with cake all over his face, mouth wide open, or spinning in circles on the grass.

For some reason though he has this idea that kids his age shouldn't ever have dirty faces, they shouldn't spin around and around just because, they shouldn't watch - and enjoy Little Bear, etc... If he notices someone seeing him doing these things, and many other little things that he's deemed babyish then he'll get defensive, call the show stupid for instance, or stalk off to his room and slam the door. (only to emerge a few minutes later and join his little sister in a game of hopskotch, or play trains with the toddlers. )

My other two are 7 and still have that carefree, unblighted childness about them, especially DD who is still fascinated by everything around her, always with her eyes wide open and mouth full of questions. Her twin however is starting the eyerolling and the sighs at the 'stupidity' and 'babyishness' of EVERYTHING.

So no, I guess in response to the OP's original question, my 8 y/o, while strikingly independant and reasonably good natured, is definately not carefree anymore. I really miss that, as some days he's an emotional cyclone, stuck between little kid and big kid.

[MJB]

Yes, my 8.5 yr. old is a happy, carefree kid. 

[LynnS6]

I think it's partly developmental -- they're developing a sense of the wider world. At 5 or 6, they would have not noticed/understood things about natural disasters, for example. At 8-9, they can all read, most likely well enough to read the headlines on the paper. Their comprehension has increased so they can understand news stories on TV/radio. With increased knowledge comes decreasing innocence. Very few kids this age believe in Santa Clause/the tooth fairy/the Easter Bunny.

Remember too that most major religions have the 'age of responsibility' somewhere between 7 and 9. Age 7-8 is the age of first reconciliation in the Catholic church; 9 is when girls in certain Muslim traditions must cover their hair.

It's not all bad. Most 8-10 year olds I know are pretty carefree kids. They're a bit wiser. They're not so gullible. But they're pretty happy, overall.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

It's not all bad. Most 8-10 year olds I know are pretty carefree kids. They're a bit wiser. They're not so gullible. But they're pretty happy, overall.

aha. that is it lynn. yeah that's what i was trying to say. the contrast between that 9 year old and 4 year old stood out to me. 

yeah most of the that age group are happy kids overall even in my experience but not in the same way they used to be when they were 4 years old.

this is a new realisation for me because i have always been curious looking at the pictures of my youngest xbil whom i love to pieces.

omg if there was a happy baby that was him. all his pictures till he was 8 - omg his happiness just SHONE out of the photographs, whether he was smiling or not. in my books he was the epitome of a happy kid. and around 8/9 year old photographs that i noticed the change in him. that shiny kid was gone. and i noticed that with the class kids too. many of them are clowns and pretty goofy kids, but there is a difference between first graders and 3rd graders. 
 

[velochic]

Yes... the kids of my dd's 3rd grade class seem as happy-go-lucky as they did 2 or 3 years ago.  They are carefree and happy.  Not seeing what you are seeing with your dd's peers.

[Polliwog]

Honestly, it's a strange conversation to have. DS is just turning seven but we've got lots of neighbors that age (and I spend a lot of time at the school.) I'm not seeing what you are.

[Viola]

I have a 7 year old, and she acts like the most put upon person on the planet.  She can be happy and carefree at times, but if I make her go to school, "that hellhole!" or I tell her she can't have soda for breakfast, or I ask her to put her cereal bowl in the sink, well, suddenly the world is a terrible place.

I just think it comes and goes, but in terms of stress on children, yes, I think they can pick up on that.  My nieces daughter's who are 5 and 6 are in a very financially stressed place and they still have a lot of goofy happy times where they are being funny kids.

[NiteNicole]

I think certain groups of kids can have a certain group vibe.  I changed schools around that age so I spent half the grade in one school and half in another.  The schools weren't far apart and they pulled mostly from the same towns, the same backgrounds - but it was night and day.  I have friends who are teachers who say the same thing, some classes have a certain vibe - silly, studious, mature, etc, and that's just how they are.  It's not kids that age in general, but how that group fits together in particular.

[mamazee]

My 9-year-old is pretty happy and carefree, but she's dramatic and emotional and gets upset and sad about things too. Though she's been emotional forever. But I think "carefree" still pretty well describes her.

[Mizelenius]

I know what you mean!  In addition to going through rough times, I think it may also depend on how thoughtful the child is.  I am not saying empathetic, even-- I am just saying that some children are born deep thinkers.

This is my oldest.  From the moment she was born, she seemed like an old soul. She is wise and thinks deeply about things, and sometimes reads too much of the bad news . . .but at the same time, she has a lot of fun.  She does not talk much about the bad news, but it comes up in random situations.

My 4 yo is really carefree and I cannot imagine her changing too much in life.  She is always so smiley-- more than my other kids have been.  She is accepting of things-- like my 6 y.o. hates nature shows because of the dying animals, but the 4 yo is always matter-of-fact and says, "But they need to eat!  If they don't kill, they will die, too" and then moves on with her day.