Independent Play

[singin_angel]

DD is almost 4 and she won't play by herself, at all. If she gets a toy, she will bring it to me and put it on my lap to play with it. If we colour, I have to sit right beside her and half of the time, she wants me to colour for her instead. I don't expect her to play independently all the time but I do need a chance to use the bathroom, prep food (and I involve her in what I can or get her to copy me in her play kitchen next to our real one). She has been talking about school non-stop this week (in my province we start kindy at 4 so she starts in September).

I am expecting baby 2 soon, due July 5th, so I'm term and just waiting :P I am generally a SAHM but work as a doula so there are days where I am not here but most of the time, I am. I am worried about having to nurse baby and her wanting to put everything on me. I am already planning on reading with her while I nurse or having some toys set aside but either way, a few mins of independent play (lets say 15 mins morning and afternoon) would be fantastic!

Is it just us? Or anyone have suggestions...I am listening with open ears!

[rosadesal]

I don't have any advice, only came to say that my daughter is the same way, and she'll be 4 next month. The part about school stood out to me though, as I was just thinking this morning after dd said she didn't want to play at the library because there were no friends to play with, that she's used to being around several people who do want to play directly with her, and then we're home and I'm multitasking. I, too, would love a few minutes of play - sometimes she'll go outside, she LOVES to go outside by herself "just on the front porch" for a bit, but that's pretty short-lived too. Sometimes she wants those independent "big girl" moments and I soak them up. Yes, of COURSE you can go sit on the front porch! And, I open the windows and keep the door cracked and I sit near by and enjoy it.

Hope there might be some other mommas with better advice :) good luck!

[HidaShara]

My DD is the same way these days.  It only started recently.  She's old enough now to WANT the company of others.

Frankly, I am pretty unsympathetic about it.  I play with her some, but a lot of the time I just tell her flat out she has to play by herself, because mummy is not a kid and has other things to do.  She whines about it at first, but eventually finds something to do by herself.  

I know she needs the company of other kids, so we go out of our way to do activities with other children and to go to public events.  I'm also expecting #2 soon, and I tell you I can't wait until they are old enough to play with each other. But at the end of the day, that's all I can do.  There can't be another person for her 100% of the time, so she simply has to suck it up and play alone sometimes, whether she likes it or not.

[Mere]

I think it just depends on the kid; some play independently and some don't.  My first child, dd, is one who does not.  Never did, and apparently never really will.  She is at her best (in terms of independence) if she has friends over, so I tried to have friends around as much as possible because otherwise it was ALL on me.  When ds1 was born, she was fine with it, but she never left us to do anything by herself; if I was nursing, she was right there.  If I was trying to put ds1 to sleep, she was sitting outside the door.  Even now, at 9yo, if she doesn't have a friend to play with and I am trying to work or garden, she will hover around me, watching and sometimes helping, but never going off and finding her own fun.  SIGH.  On the flip side though, if she has a friend over, I might not see them for hours.  Totally independent, creative play, etc. 

I think with her, our first child, we felt like we always had to entertain her and it was exhausting.  Now we are much less kind with the children and just tell them that we are busy and that is that.  We'll play with them later, after we finish XYZ.

My third child is completely the opposite; he will sit and play independently with action figures, sing to himself, collect sticks, etc. all day as long as we are in the general vicinity.