Chores

[insidevoice]

What chores are your older kids asked to do around your house?  I ask because my nine year old has begun to rebel by saying, "But J (best friend) doesn't have to do any chores, it's not faaaaaair!" 

Now, I don't usually ask for too much- she might be asked to help pick up toys in the living room, or to take out the garbage.  Her room is her responsibility as well, but I will go through and deep clean  every so often so all she needs to do is to pick up. 

Her best friend is raised by her grandparents, and her grandmother routinely says things like" Oh, you girls just play, I'll pick up your mess for you!" or "Oh, kids shouldn't have responsibilities, those come when you are an adult." 

I was raised in a family with two WOH parents.  My brother and I were expected to do some of the housework as we were old enough- and it gave us a sense of accomplishment and responsibility.  By age 12 I could make a meal for the family and I was certainly doing my own laundry.  We weren't responsible for everything, but there was an expectation of contribution to the household tasks. Summer vacations- we were latchkey kids- were largely directed by the dry-erase board my mom left in the kitchen.  Once we did the tasks listed there for the day, we were free to have fun with friends, but the chores had to be done first. (Wash dishes, vacuum, pick up the house etc- not all of it- usually about two chores for each of us- at most, an hour of work a day.)

What is the norm in your household? 

[Alyantavid]

My kids have to clean up after themselves and help around the house.

Jobs my 9 year old has:

pick up dog poop in the yard

make his bed

all of his own hygiene

pick up his room

deal with his laundry (bring dirties to the laundry room, put away cleans)

dust, vacuum his room

he and his brother clean their own bathroom and playroom

He also helps with other things as asked; dealing with the trash, feeding the animals, dishes.  I'm not raising my boys to think I'll do everything on top of working full time.  I firmly believe that every person in our family should help out and we all do.

[insidevoice]

That is really reassuring-  I was feeling kind of ogre like.  

[Chicky2]

12 yo dd a.m. chores include:  hay, feed, and milk goat, let chickens, guineas, and ducks out and feed them, feed rabbits, feed guinea pigs, feed cats.  Some days she cooks breakfast (usually pancakes) if she wants to. 

During the day she checks on livestock, sweeps the den, kitchen, and mudroom floors.  She helps start supper (she'll usually chop one or two things for me), and then she clears the supper table and puts up the leftovers. 

In the evening she locks up her goats, shuts up the ducks and chickens, feeds fish and guinea pigs and cats.

10 yo ds a.m. chores:  milk goat, water goats, pigs, rabbits, chickens, quail, guineas, dogs, feed dogs, scoop catbox, sweep floor around catbox.  He checks on waters during the day for the livestock.  He vacuums the den rug, and takes out the compost to the pigs.

In the evening, he clears the table and sets it for supper, sometimes helps w/supper prep, feeds goats and pigs.

On the weekends, they help w/various things because we are always doing a project.  Last weekend they helped nail together frames for beehives and installed foundation in them.  They help make jam after we all go fruit picking, they help garden, they help clean various poop out of the barns and apply it to the garden, etc. 

They are responsible for their own laundry.  The 12 yo keeps her room pretty clean, the 10 yo still has to be reminded.  They both help w/their little sister when needed, and usually with out being asked because they love her.  They all help on butchering days also.  They fill water buckets, and the oldest 3 butcher, depending on the animal.

4 yo dd helps w/all of the above chores.  Whomever she's hanging out w/at the time.  She also helps fold laundry, and hands me wet clothes to hang.

22 yo dd pays part of her rent in cash, and part of it she works off.  She runs errands, does all the floors and dusting on Sundays, does all the dishes, dirty and clean all week.  Oh, and she cleans one bathroom per weeknight.  We have 5.

[insidevoice]

That all resonates so completely.  I spent my teenage years on a farm, and I had similar responsibilities.  

[Chicky2]

Do you still feel like you are being an ogre?  :o)  We firmly believe that children NEED chores.  How the heck do they learn to be responsible otherwise?  How do they learn to wash their socks?  My mom still tells stories of going off to college and seeing girls (and boys) just sobbing because they didn't know how to do their laundry!  At our house, we just believe that kids need to know more life skills than many are learning nowadays. 

I remember trying that whole "x doesn't have to do that many chores" thing and getting the big shoulder shrug and a sigh and "well, what x's parents decide not to teach their kids is their business, but that has nothing to do with what goes on in our house."  My kids have never tried saying something like that.  All their friends do chores, just not as many as my kids.  What's funny is that their friends come over and want to help my kids do their livestock chores!  They usually have at least 2 of their friends helping. 

[*bejeweled*]

DD (age 8) is expected to help out on a daily basis. She has been told that she is an integral part of this household and she is expected to do her part every day. I believe that it instills a sense of pride in her.

She:
feeds and waters the cat
sets the trays or table for meals
clears the trays or table
scrapes the dishes
is responsible for cleaning her room
is learning to declutter and donate
cleans mirrors and the sliding door
is expected to keep the bathroom sink clean
hangs up her wet towels/bathing suits
helps to sort dirty clothes for laundry
sometimes helps to fold clean laundry (she's good at this)
makes beds
refills water bottles
helps bring the groceries in
helps write the grocery list

And a myriad of other things that she is asked to do. She usually does these things without whining. She's used to it. If she ever complains that someone else doesn't have to do something that she doesn't I just say, "Good for them." "Now please go water the plants."

[insidevoice]

I'm pretty good at the, "That's nice, please go do what I asked you to," approach.   I absolutely agree about the value of both learning life skills and being a part of the household. I think this is coming up as an issue because the best friend is back for the summer after having been away for a year, so  I know they are trying to fit in as much fun time as possible. 

[**mom2one**]

We just started with chores for our two dds - we got sick of having to constantly clean up after them! lol So 5 yo dd has the responsibility of cleaning up the living room area before bed adn 2yo DD has the job of putting all of the shoes away in the closet a couple of times per day.  2yo LOVES having a job and gets mad if we try to help her and 5 yo DD will try to get out of it but when she gets it done she does feel proud.  They also are supposed to clean up their rooms as well - no TV unless their rooms are clean!  We will likely be adding to these chores gradually as the months go on espescially since we are expecting another one in October.  I think it is important to have chores and responsibilities and I don't think they should expect to get paid for it! I certainly don't get paid to clean the house!

[Chicky2]

Originally Posted by insidevoice 

I'm pretty good at the, "That's nice, please go do what I asked you to," approach.   I absolutely agree about the value of both learning life skills and being a part of the household. I think this is coming up as an issue because the best friend is back for the summer after having been away for a year, so  I know they are trying to fit in as much fun time as possible. 

For this, for awhile, but not long-term, I would make exceptions.  However, for us, that would not include animal-related chores.  But the vacuuming, sweeping, even laundry, could wait. 

Originally Posted by **mom2one** 

We just started with chores for our two dds - we got sick of having to constantly clean up after them! lol So 5 yo dd has the responsibility of cleaning up the living room area before bed adn 2yo DD has the job of putting all of the shoes away in the closet a couple of times per day.  2yo LOVES having a job and gets mad if we try to help her and 5 yo DD will try to get out of it but when she gets it done she does feel proud.  They also are supposed to clean up their rooms as well - no TV unless their rooms are clean!  We will likely be adding to these chores gradually as the months go on espescially since we are expecting another one in October.  I think it is important to have chores and responsibilities and I don't think they should expect to get paid for it! I certainly don't get paid to clean the house!

We don't pay our kids for everyday responsibilities.  We do pay for extra stuff, esp. as the holiday season nears.  We also toss 'em a few bucks here and there just for being extra helpful, extra willing attitude, etc.

[insidevoice]

I've tried to be aware that they really need to fit in some time while they can, but the friend is here for the summer and their moving away again plans fall within about a week of our own. It works really well for the kids. That's why I allowed the sleepover to happen even though under normal circumstances having lied about a chore done would have been a pretty clear ' Don't expect anything special today, because you've demonstrated that your judgement isn't great today.' 

I'm trying to find the line somewhere in there of letting her have fun, but still fostering some responsibility. 

Oh-  and I don't pay for basic chores, but things like clearing brush on the property or other above and beyond things- those I do pay her a fair wage to do.  

[NZJMama]

Our 4 and 6yo's have two formal responsibilities each day that they can earn a quarter for at the end of the week. It is their choice if they do their responsibilities or not. I want to instill the value of work get paid, don't work don't get paid early. They also have things they do around the house simply because they are part of our family. Pick up toys, help me when I ask etc....