How I have been humbled... - Page 4

[rightkindofme]

If I ever had a pedestal I was knocked off it with great force.  Ha.

I have been humbled by the overwhelming agony of childbirth.  49 hours of labor the first time, including a hospital transfer because when I heard "you are dilated to 2" after 40 hours of labor I just couldn't do it.  I could no longer walk or see straight.  Going into my second labor I said, "Anything less than 24 hours will be a cake walk!  And the second one is always faster than the first!" Heh.  9 days later I almost died after pushing my daughter out because my uterus was done and not interested in closing up.  I am apparently not meant to have lots of children even though I always wanted a bunch of children. :(  If we ever have an accidental pregnancy (unlikely with a vasectomy) I would choose an elective c-section.  I can't go through that again.

I have been humbled by the intensity of dealing with my former traumas while parenting.  I've always had a harder time than other people being a "normal" person, because I'm not.  But I didn't know how hard this would be with children.  It's several orders of magnitude harder than I thought it would be.

I have been humbled by the response when I had a mental breakdown.  I thought droves of people would be nasty or insulting or critical.  That is my biological families reaction to any weakness on my part.  Instead I have had many wonderful people (including here from MDC) offer me help and support in a myriad of ways.  For a week straight after my uncle died and I wasn't safe to be alone with my children... I wasn't.  My friends took shifts to stay with me and my kids so that everyone made it through the crisis alive and well.  My kids won't remember mommys breakdown as a terrible traumatic event.  My kids will remember, "Sometimes my mom gets sad and goes into the garage.  But then we have friends come over and play!  It's awesome!"  I hope my children will never know how very close they came to being orphans.  And the phone calls and text messages and emails... I am truly humbled by the outpouring of love I received.  My "story" is that everyone hates me.  I am trying to really believe that people actually love me.  That's what their actions show.

I have been humbled by the support I have received from my husband.  (Let's take this new UA for a spin, shall we?)  My husband refers to himself as a charming asshole.  He is absolutely willing to talk about the fact that he is out for #1... and that's not me.  But he believes that the only way our family will work well is if everyone is supported.  So even though he doesn't particularly like all the stuff he does for/with me... he does it.  He goes way outside his comfort zone for me.  He waited on me hand and foot through two horrific pregnancies.  I didn't know anyone would be willing to go so far for me.

I am humbled by my beautiful Shanna.  My daughter is three.  She is a shining example of happiness and health.  Despite how fucked up I am.  I don't know how that happened.  If I start getting nasty in my tone of voice she can turn around and say, "Mom!  It's not ok to talk to me like that.  It hurts my feelings.  You need to be more kind."  Once when I was in a bad place I said, "I am so angry that I want to hit you."  She said, "Hitting is never ok!  If you feel that angry you need to go to time out."  Did I mention that she is three?  She's been able to do this for a long time.  I think she is perfect.

I am humbled by learning how to be in a healthy family.  Sometimes I feel heartsore because I don't know what healthy dynamics are.  But my family is helping me learn.  It's wonderful.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Krissy.  You inspire me. 

[sosurreal09]

I am totally with you on not knowing what healthy dynamics are. When I was finally on my own at 15 I started going to therapy I had 3 therapist tell me I was probably incapable of really loving anyone and could never have a relationship b/c my parents had messed me up so bad and I had been through too much. They said I would always be detached. I am only on my first child but it is scary the things that go through my head. I love her and DH despite the fact I was told I couldn't. I am totally learning how to actually be a mother though. I read the books and am focusing on that for now. I am doing pretty damn good too!

When DD was 9 m/o I went into a deep depression and couldn't get off the couch. I don't have any support besides DH and he had to work. Good thing she was an early walker b/c I was certainly a bore. She would snuggle with me and come over to get milk but other than that she was pretty good about entertaining herself. I got lucky. I am doing much better now though!

Originally Posted by rightkindofme 

If I ever had a pedestal I was knocked off it with great force.  Ha.

I have been humbled by the overwhelming agony of childbirth.  49 hours of labor the first time, including a hospital transfer because when I heard "you are dilated to 2" after 40 hours of labor I just couldn't do it.  I could no longer walk or see straight.  Going into my second labor I said, "Anything less than 24 hours will be a cake walk!  And the second one is always faster than the first!" Heh.  9 days later I almost died after pushing my daughter out because my uterus was done and not interested in closing up.  I am apparently not meant to have lots of children even though I always wanted a bunch of children. :(  If we ever have an accidental pregnancy (unlikely with a vasectomy) I would choose an elective c-section.  I can't go through that again.

I have been humbled by the intensity of dealing with my former traumas while parenting.  I've always had a harder time than other people being a "normal" person, because I'm not.  But I didn't know how hard this would be with children.  It's several orders of magnitude harder than I thought it would be.

I have been humbled by the response when I had a mental breakdown.  I thought droves of people would be nasty or insulting or critical.  That is my biological families reaction to any weakness on my part.  Instead I have had many wonderful people (including here from MDC) offer me help and support in a myriad of ways.  For a week straight after my uncle died and I wasn't safe to be alone with my children... I wasn't.  My friends took shifts to stay with me and my kids so that everyone made it through the crisis alive and well.  My kids won't remember mommys breakdown as a terrible traumatic event.  My kids will remember, "Sometimes my mom gets sad and goes into the garage.  But then we have friends come over and play!  It's awesome!"  I hope my children will never know how very close they came to being orphans.  And the phone calls and text messages and emails... I am truly humbled by the outpouring of love I received.  My "story" is that everyone hates me.  I am trying to really believe that people actually love me.  That's what their actions show.

I have been humbled by the support I have received from my husband.  (Let's take this new UA for a spin, shall we?)  My husband refers to himself as a charming asshole.  He is absolutely willing to talk about the fact that he is out for #1... and that's not me.  But he believes that the only way our family will work well is if everyone is supported.  So even though he doesn't particularly like all the stuff he does for/with me... he does it.  He goes way outside his comfort zone for me.  He waited on me hand and foot through two horrific pregnancies.  I didn't know anyone would be willing to go so far for me.

I am humbled by my beautiful Shanna.  My daughter is three.  She is a shining example of happiness and health.  Despite how fucked up I am.  I don't know how that happened.  If I start getting nasty in my tone of voice she can turn around and say, "Mom!  It's not ok to talk to me like that.  It hurts my feelings.  You need to be more kind."  Once when I was in a bad place I said, "I am so angry that I want to hit you."  She said, "Hitting is never ok!  If you feel that angry you need to go to time out."  Did I mention that she is three?  She's been able to do this for a long time.  I think she is perfect.

I am humbled by learning how to be in a healthy family.  Sometimes I feel heartsore because I don't know what healthy dynamics are.  But my family is helping me learn.  It's wonderful.

[Tigeresse]

I am humbled that despite my natural parenting, nursing 5 years, selective vax, organic, whole foods, limited sugar, etc., oldest ds still ended up with Type 1 diabetes and Celiac disease. He is the only one out of 13 biological grandchildren on dh's side of the family (dh's father and sister were/are type 1 diabetics) to have this condition, and I am the only "crunchy" one among the parents.

I am further humbled at the fact that I no longer have control of this issue with him, as he is 19. I still provide and cook for him and try to work with him in managing his condition, but it is truly in his hands now.

Meanwhile, I work towards gratitude everyday. Work towards being present. Not easy, but I'm working on it.

[GandEmama]

I have not had a chance to read all of these posts yet, but THANK YOU so much for such a wonderful thread! 

I used to come to MDC some when my boys were young, but I have not been around much because, as people have said, I felt judged and I didn't need that.

I have been humbled by:

* A C-section birth of my twin boys, despite doing everything in my power, including hiring a doula from day one, to avoid it.

* Sitting on the couch for around 20-23 hours a day with a huge twin nursing pillow trying to get my boys to nurse.  As soon as I got one latched on the other would fall off.  I struggled with this, along with thrush, mastitis, and their inability to extract milk properly. Then I struggled through trying to use a SNS. I felt like I was failing my boys and my body was failing me. I finally began to substitute when they were clearly not getting enough to eat.  

I was furthered humbled when:

* My twin boys, who never really learned to nurse well began with, rejected my breast completely around 7 months. The heartache was immense. I always thought I would nurse to at least two. They would scream when I tried to nurse them. 

* I could not often find the time to pump more than four times a day and thus could only give them two bottles of bm each day. I knew spending time with my boys was more important than the milk, ultimately.  But the most humbling part was finding myself in a position where I had to choose between them getting my milk or my time.  

 My boys are almost two now. Although I still wish things had been different, I learned SO much in those early months about the uncertainties of motherhood and how it feels to be someone whose struggling.  I am thankful now that I learned that lesson when I did, and I sincerely hope it helps me relate to mothers in a more gentle, loving, accepting way.

Thank you again for this thread. 

[sosurreal09]

I am so sorry you felt judged

[cettasmom]

Originally Posted by berry987 

I am humbled by how being a mother has torn my heart wide open - I cry when I read about any child getting hurt and I worry about what the world will be like long after I'm dead.

So true.  So very true.  I read the book "someday" in the library.  I almost bawled then and there.  I can't watch violence like I used to be able to.

I so appreciate this thread.

As a former teacher, I am humbled by how much harder but how much more rewarding this is when the kids are not returnable. 

As someone who lost her mother in her early twenties, I am humbled by how becoming a mom ripped open the wound of losing her anew.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish she were here, not so much for me, but for my daughter.  It breaks my heart that she won't know (through this world anyways) her amazing grandmother who embodied grace, elegance, and kindness.

As a daughter-in-law, I am humbled by how the universe sent me such a wonderful, loving, generous, and supportive mother-in-law who lives for my little girl and supports and encourages me as a parent and a wife.  While cancer took my mom from me way too early, and while my MIL could never replace my mother, she sure does make her absence easier to bear. 

I am humbled by the the fact that my daughter lights up every time she sees me and all I can do is hope that I might live up to her expectations. 

I am humbled by single mothers of the world, because quite frankly, I don't know how you do it.  You women are iron strong. 

I am humbled by my husband, who works a shitty job because he can't find a good one in this economy all to be able to give me and my daughter a decent life.  And he doesn't complain one bit.  He is a model of devotion and self-sacrifice.  Humbled and lucky, I am. 

I am humbled by the process it took for me to breastfeed my daughter.  I had took for granted the fact that I would breastfeed.  I turned my nose up at formulas and bottles.  I didn't have either in my house when my baby was born. I was quickly humbled to discover she couldn't suck and indeed wasn't getting any colostrum/milk at all as she lost weight and grew listless.  I was humbled by the first bottle of formula the midwife told me to give her and how she gratefully gulped it down and and came back to life.  I was humbled by how happy I was that formula existed and how happy that at that very moment, my milk finally came in.  I was humbled  by the 6 weeks of pumping and triple feeding I had to do to be able to breastfeed my daughter because she could not suck.  I was humbled and happy that one day, after what seemed an eternity of nursing a breast pump, we got it right.

I am humbled by how many people came into my house to visit us and ended up watching me pump.  Seriously.  I think everyone I know has seen my boobs at this point.  I was so frazzled during the triple feeding while my MIL was here, I just walked around the house with the flaps of my nursing tank down, exhausted.  It's a level of intimacy I never anticipated. 

I am humbled by the good OBs out there because I swore up and down that I did not want the OB model of care and paid money we couldn't afford to get a midwife.  I was humbled because despite "trusting my body" after 42 hours of labor, I still had no baby to show for it.  I was humbled because the OB my midwife transferred me to treated me with respect and care and I never felt pressured into anything.  My only regret was that I never was able to get into that birth tub.  Even the nurses were awesome.  They proved me wrong.  In the end, I had the perfect birth, even if it wasn't the birth that I had envisioned and anticipated, surrounded by my birth "party" with some last-minute invitees.

She's only 9 months.  The lessons in humility will just keep on coming.  They are lessons I nervously and naively look forward to. 

Thanks for starting this thread.  It's been said before but it bears saying again.  Motherhood is hard enough.  We need all the support we can get.  Let's give each other the benefit of the doubt.  Let's allow others to celebrate their successes as we celebrate ours.  We all need a pat on the back some times.  We all like to hear some cheers our way because what we do, as mothers, is tough.

So cheers to you mamas, I raise my glass to you and our various lessons in humility.

[Phoenix~Mama]

Originally Posted by cettasmom 

So true.  So very true.  I read the book "someday" in the library.  I almost bawled then and there.  I can't watch violence like I used to be able to.

I so appreciate this thread.

As a former teacher, I am humbled by how much harder but how much more rewarding this is when the kids are not returnable. 

As someone who lost her mother in her early twenties, I am humbled by how becoming a mom ripped open the wound of losing her anew.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish she were here, not so much for me, but for my daughter.  It breaks my heart that she won't know (through this world anyways) her amazing grandmother who embodied grace, elegance, and kindness.

As a daughter-in-law, I am humbled by how the universe sent me such a wonderful, loving, generous, and supportive mother-in-law who lives for my little girl and supports and encourages me as a parent and a wife.  While cancer took my mom from me way too early, and while my MIL could never replace my mother, she sure does make her absence easier to bear. 

I am humbled by the the fact that my daughter lights up every time she sees me and all I can do is hope that I might live up to her expectations. 

I am humbled by single mothers of the world, because quite frankly, I don't know how you do it.  You women are iron strong. 

I am humbled by my husband, who works a shitty job because he can't find a good one in this economy all to be able to give me and my daughter a decent life.  And he doesn't complain one bit.  He is a model of devotion and self-sacrifice.  Humbled and lucky, I am. 

I am humbled by the process it took for me to breastfeed my daughter.  I had took for granted the fact that I would breastfeed.  I turned my nose up at formulas and bottles.  I didn't have either in my house when my baby was born. I was quickly humbled to discover she couldn't suck and indeed wasn't getting any colostrum/milk at all as she lost weight and grew listless.  I was humbled by the first bottle of formula the midwife told me to give her and how she gratefully gulped it down and and came back to life.  I was humbled by how happy I was that formula existed and how happy that at that very moment, my milk finally came in.  I was humbled  by the 6 weeks of pumping and triple feeding I had to do to be able to breastfeed my daughter because she could not suck.  I was humbled and happy that one day, after what seemed an eternity of nursing a breast pump, we got it right.

I am humbled by how many people came into my house to visit us and ended up watching me pump.  Seriously.  I think everyone I know has seen my boobs at this point.  I was so frazzled during the triple feeding while my MIL was here, I just walked around the house with the flaps of my nursing tank down, exhausted.  It's a level of intimacy I never anticipated. 

I am humbled by the good OBs out there because I swore up and down that I did not want the OB model of care and paid money we couldn't afford to get a midwife.  I was humbled because despite "trusting my body" after 42 hours of labor, I still had no baby to show for it.  I was humbled because the OB my midwife transferred me to treated me with respect and care and I never felt pressured into anything.  My only regret was that I never was able to get into that birth tub.  Even the nurses were awesome.  They proved me wrong.  In the end, I had the perfect birth, even if it wasn't the birth that I had envisioned and anticipated, surrounded by my birth "party" with some last-minute invitees.

She's only 9 months.  The lessons in humility will just keep on coming.  They are lessons I nervously and naively look forward to. 

Thanks for starting this thread.  It's been said before but it bears saying again.  Motherhood is hard enough.  We need all the support we can get.  Let's give each other the benefit of the doubt.  Let's allow others to celebrate their successes as we celebrate ours.  We all need a pat on the back some times.  We all like to hear some cheers our way because what we do, as mothers, is tough.

So cheers to you mamas, I raise my glass to you and our various lessons in humility.

You are amazing.  :hug   Thank you for sharing.  We sound like we have had some similiar challenges.  Your post really touched me.

[sosurreal09]

i lost my mom when I was 15