Bed/Naptime woes with my 14-month old...can anyone help?

[newmamalizzy]

For the past month or so DD and I have been in one of those annoying periods of sleep limbo.  Her schedule's all wacky, our old bedtime routine has evaporated, and I feel like I have to stand on my head and spit nickles to get her to sleep.  I'm wondering if some veteran toddler mamas can give me some advice.  A few specific issues/questions:

1.  What was/is your toddler's napping/nighttime sleep pattern at 14-months (or thereabouts)?

2.  How did you get from two naps to one without night-time going crazy? 

3.  What method do/did you use to get your LO to sleep? 

A few more details of our crazy sleep mess:  I can only get DD to take one nap, but she takes it early in the day, so the stretch to her normal bedtime is WAY too long.  If I try to push nap later, she only sleeps for 35 - 40 minutes because she's overtired. (A lot of times this happens anyway because I can't get her to sleep earlier in the day :( ).  Our old bedtime routine was supper, clean up toys, bath, pjs and book, bottle, bed.  If she didn't go right down to the bottle, I'd lie with her and sing/pat her back until she fell asleep, usually lying on top of me.  Generally took less than 30 minutes.  She was asleep by 6, awake at about 5 - 5:30.  Nowadays she's exhausted by 4, I push her to have supper at 4:45-ish.  We sometimes attempt the bath, but she often doesn't want it, she cries as I change her into pjs, falls asleep to her bottle, then wakes right back up in bed, even if I try soothing her.  Therein follows an hour of me trying to intuit what she needs me to do to get her to sleep.  Sometimes she needs to be jiggled in a certain way; sometimes it's a certain song; sometimes she needs me to wiggle her around like crazy; sometimes it's magic to turn whatever she's babbling into a chant; sometimes she needs her back thumped in a very particular way.  All the while she flips and flops and runs her feet against the wall (or me), kicks, sits up, lies back down, climbs on me, tries to eat my nose....I really feel like I need some boundaries, but I'm not sure what those boundaries should be, how to still help her fall asleep, but not feel like I'm being taken advantage of.  I want to be able to teach her to fall asleep by herself, but....with my help, too, kwim?   Without a clear sleep method and routine, she has to be exhausted to get to sleep and we'll never fix our crazy schedule.  So....sorry to babble, but I've been ruminating about this and could really use some help! 

[callahansmama]

Hello! I am by no means a veteran mama but I just wanted to drop you a line and tell you that I feel for you and am going through similar things with my 13 month old. He gets nursed and then rocked to sleep and has all his life. In the past few months I have started to cosleep for the latter part of the night to preserve my sanity although he still wakes often no matter what. In the past week he has started to wake up when I put him down in his crib (this used to only happen occasionally) and he loses it, screams, writhes, sweats... the whole nine yards. He is also seeming to be dropping a nap. For the past several weeks he was consistently doing the 2, 3, 4 pattern with 1.5 hour naps twice a day but this week he has been holding off for 4-6 hours for his first nap and then waking upon being put down and the whole process starts again, resulting in a very short nap, if any nap at all. I have moved him to a playpen so that I can lean my whole upper body over and make lots of body contact with him, and he has fallen asleep a couple of times this way but not consistently. I also want my son to learn to fall asleep on his own and have no problem helping him along - but he can't seem to settle with me or without me (unless its being nursed and then rocked) He does seem to sleep longer stretches when he falls asleep in the bed rather than my arms. I know you are already doing this and I have no advice i guess but I wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I read your other recent post but just couldn't find the time to reply. I am thinking that I will try to get his dad to take over bedtime and nightwakings and see if that helps but that means nightweaning which I am not sure we are ready for (he has dairy issues and eats so little that I want to keep up with the nursing as much as possible. That being said, he's a tank at 25.5 lbs and probably could do without the calories lol) 

I would love to hear if anyone else has insight into why our babes are so resistent to falling asleep and so flip floppy and up and down and all around. Mine has never fallen asleep out of arms, except for maybe a time or two in the carseat (we don't drive too much) He just tosses and turns and can't settle himself. He never just sits down when playing either - on the go all the time. Will stand next to me while I read to him but not too into sitting for more than a minute or two.  Best of luck!

[FrugalGranolaMom]

Sorry, I don't have a lot of advice but I know what you're going through. When my DS was 14 months he was still taking two naps most of the time. He is almost 22 months and we are now down to one unless he is really tired or he will sometimes cat nap in the car while we are running errands. I have just recently become a SAHM so our daily routine is still kind of all over the place and I'm trying to sort that out. I know you said that you will never fix your crazy schedule but is there maybe a way to try to get a regular bedtime routine back? Usually with DS after bath and jammies he will lay with me on the couch and we will listen to music or watch a movie (not sure how you feel about t.v.) and this is pretty much how he falls asleep most nights. Good or bad it seems to work for now. I have learned that a certain amount of time needs to pass from the moment he falls asleep until we can put him into bed without him waking up. If it too soon after he fell asleep he won't last long in bed alone.

I wish I had better advice for you, hang in there!

[skfmama]

DS is 15 months, and went to one nap around 14 months. We're finally in a predictable routine again, but the transition was hard (from 13-14 mo).

Now: He takes a nap ~4 or 4.5 hrs after he wakes up. So he's usually up around 7:30, lunch at 11ish, nap at 11:30-12ish. Sleeps for probably about 2 hrs most days, maybe a little more. Bedtime is 5-6 hours after he wakes up (if possible, sometimes later as we're often busy at night).

Now that he's only taking one nap and his wake times are longer, he's tired and goes to sleep pretty easily. I nurse him, and he usually falls asleep with just that. Sometimes he needs to be snuggled or rocked after that. One night a week my husband puts him to bed and he wears him in the Ergo in DS's dark bedroom with lots of white noise. Supposedly DS goes to sleep pretty easily that way for my husband.

Around 14 months, we were travelling to visit family and we just weren't home most days for DS's 10ish  first nap. He'd be crabby, but we'd get home around 11 or 12 and then he'd wake up too late for a second nap. It was rough. One day after about a week of that, I was concerned he wasn't getting enough sleep overall, so we made a point to be home for his 10ish first nap...and he wouldn't stay asleep when I put him down. So after that point I tried to make him wait until 11:30ish to take his nap and tried to get him to sleep until 2 if possible, and the transition was made. It definitely took a few weeks for him to be able to handle the later morning nap well...but it was worth it bc before the switch he'd just stay up later and later (or get up earlier) because he was getting more daytime sleep than he needed. I've found now that over the course of a few days, DS seems to make sure he averages the 14ish hours of total sleep he needs...either taking a longer nap one day to make up for a shorter one or a late bedtime the night before, or sleeping a little later than normal, or whatever.

So I'd encourage you to help your toddler wait until later for her nap. For us, being busy and even leaving the house was necessary until the switch was well established. Also, I think having a good lunch right before nap helps DS know that the nap is coming and helps him wind down from running around.

Sometimes if he's too wiggly, I'll put him in his crib with the lights out and white noise on, and I'll tell him he can roll around and get ready for his nap. Then I'll tell him I'll be right back for nanas and leave for a few minutes (with the door open, so he knows he doesn't have to go to sleep). He might complain some, but usually he does roll around and sing and snuggle his blankets and stuffed animals and generally get some of his wiggles out so he can calmly (or more calmly) nurse and go to sleep.

Oh I also try to be pretty adamant about sleeping at least 1.5 hrs for his nap. If he wakes up before, I go in asap so he hopefully doesn't wake up all the way and rock him, cuddle him, nurse him, wear him...whatever I can do to hopefully get him back to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but I always try really really hard....bc what use is one nap if it's short? :)

We also sometimes have blanket rest time in the middle of the morning or afternoon - I'll put out a blanket on the floor in the living room and we'll both lay down and read books. Sometimes I'll put some cheerios or another not too messy snack on the blanket and he'll sit there and eat them. Sometimes he's more into that than other times...sometimes he rolls around a bit and gets up and plays. But it seems to help him with the longer wake  times if I can help him take a little break and rest.

Hope that helps! She'll get back into a routine soon...if only to change it up again a few weeks later. :)

[newmamalizzy]

Thanks for the support, everyone! 

callahansmama:  Sorry to hear you're having sleep trouble, too.  DD sounds similar to your LO - never stays still, doesn't like to eat much, and wiggles all over when trying to sleep.  So...what are you going to offer dad to take over night duty :)  I don't think even a fishing trip would do it for DP!

FrugalGranolaMom:  When I said we'll never fix our schedule, I meant that it's sort of a chicken and egg thing:  I have to fix the schedule so that DD's not always overtired when she's headed to bed/nap, but as long as she IS always overtired, I can't really fix the schedule.  I think I'm going to try scheduling her night a little more stringently and hope that helps the naps sort themselves out...

skfmama:  Thanks for all the great input.  I think it might be a little easier if DD got 14 hours of sleep, like yours.  We're shooting for 12, so she has to make it a 6 hour stretch on either end of a single nap...which I don't think she's able to do just yet.  BUT, one good nap is definitely better than two lousy naps and a lousy night.  I like the idea of blanket rest time.  That could definitely help with the transition. 

[callahansmama]

A fishing trip is exactly what is on offer for Daddy to do the dirty work! lol

[LadyCatherine185]

My DS1 dropped down to one nap a little before 12 months (I think maybe around 10 months?) and was sleeping 12-14 hours a day. We had a lot of sleep struggles with him (and he still does not STTN at almost 3 yo). A book that helped me TREMENDOUSLY at that age was "Sleepless in America".. it gives you a great idea for outlining your day to help maximize sleep. For us, getting outside or out of the house in the morning was key. Also at that age, I layed down and napped with him. He would wake up 1-2 times during a 2 hour naptime but if I was right there he'd nurse and go back to sleep. If I didn't lay with him, he'd be up after 30-45 minutes. He woke everyday between 5-5:30, took his nap from 10-12ish, and was in bed for the night around 6. He woke every hour through the night as well... once he started sleeping longer stretches (around 19/20 months old when I nightweaned) he needed less total sleep.

ETA: around 9-10 months old we also started getting Daddy to put him to sleep. He was fighting with me too much.. So I would nurse him laying in bed, and then once he started playing/fighting, Daddy came in and would hold him walking around the room and he'd pass out. Eventually he was able to sit on the bed and hold him until he fell asleep. He always cried before going to sleep.. from the time he was a baby up until close to 2 years old.. he is just one of those kids that DOES NOT WANT TO MISS A THING. ;)