Please help me to respond better....
Tonight my almost 5yo, who has recently needed to fall asleep in my bed with me (and asks to be moved to her bed after she falls asleep), lays down and can't stop fidgeting, talking, making noise, etc. after we'd done our bedtime routine and settled in for our usual bedtime (with me and nursing little brother). About 7-8 times, I asked her to please be quiet now and try to sleep, it's bedtime. Finally I told her, still calmly, that I've now asked her a number of times to be quiet and go to sleep and, as she is still not listening, I am beginning to get a little angry. She continues to play around with her body (kicking or sitting up) and making noises, seemingly out of spite. And so I start to get angry.
She says she just has one more thing to say, so I reign in the anger and allow it. She tells me to promise her that I (not DH) will come help her fall back asleep in her room (after I've moved her) when she wakes up in the middle of the night (which she always does). I tell her I will do the best I can, that if her brother wakes up at the same time then either papa will need to come or she will need to wait for me. She tells me she doesn't want DH (bc he's usu grumpy in the middle of the night). I tell her, then I will call out to her that I hear her and wait just a minute-- and she needs to wait quietly for me then. This sets her off.
She starts to go into the "I hate you, mama" and "fine then I'm just going to sit up and not sleep.... but I'm so tired" and "if you don't listen to me, I am going to yell really loud until you come to my room when I call", etc etc. All good stuff like that! :(
I know somehow I'm supposed to not engage in this conversation at this moment-- she's tired, she's probably feeling jealous & needy because of her little brother's nursing -- and I try to stay calm and bow out of the conversation, steering it back to the task at hand: going to bed now. But, I can't seem to make this work.... I try simply saying goodnight and being quiet but her pouting and thrashing about continues. I get to my wits end and get stern with her. That throws her into another rant about how mean I am and back to the promise she's requesting, etc.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING???? How do I diffuse this situation and get her out of her poutiness & tantrum? How do I get her to listen??
BTW, what ended this tonight was DH coming into the room (thankfully ready to be kind and deal with DD) and asking her the situation. After we both told him, he just said to her, "are you ready to go to sleep?" and she said "yes, with you, Papa". This was good but he's not always available or quite as patient as he was tonight. And, I'm afraid we'll have issues with her middle-of-the-night wake and she'll be screaming because I didn't come to her right away as she asked.
Sorry for the long post. I run into this same nighttime issue and similar scenarios during the day quite often lately. Any ideas are much appreciated!!!!