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I'm back, and I need help! - Page 2

post #21 of 30
Thread Starter 
I think we might end up giving the first one another call - even DH suggested it. I am worried they will already be filled up for October moms, but it is worth a shot...

Once again, dependent upon how today's appointment goes. My current situation has a LOT of benefits that are going to be hard to beat. I know who will be at my birth, the chances of "doubling up" with multiple laboring moms is very slim, the center just has this awesome vibe to it (so welcoming), ZERO wait time for appointments with no rushing, etc. I know the birth center just took on two more midwives, so I might inquire about switching to one of them, too.

I feel like my current midwife would be a great person to attend my birth, her prenatal care has just sucked. I don't trust her medically, and honestly, I think there might be a bit of personality clash if I was really "myself" at visits. The few times I have tried to speak up about things I disagree with, I was made to feel like a terrible person. It feels like there's a balance missing.
post #22 of 30

Welcome back.

 

I think your idea of trying to connect with another midwife in the practice sounds like a great one! Of course we aren't all going to mesh with every midwife, ob, etc...  And since you love the assistant talk to her! See if its possible. Good luck!

 

I'm not sure which part of the state you are in but there are a lot of natural birth friendly doctors in this state. Hopefully in your area too if you find plan A or B doesn't work for you.

 

So glad to hear that your baby boy is looking good!

post #23 of 30

I'm so glad you're back!

 

I agree with ~pi.  No situation is going to be perfect.  In my opinion, "I wouldn't be comfortable" is an excellent reason not to have a homebirth.  

 

FWIW, it sounds like a lot of this is because they slacked on following up with you and you've never done this before.  The first time, everything is more emotionally fraught!  They ought to know better.  

 

Hang in there.  You guys will make the right decisions and everything will be ok.  

post #24 of 30

I hope the appointment gave you some clarity. This is a tough situation to be in.

 

Just a question about this paragraph:

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AKChix0r View Post

I feel like my current midwife would be a great person to attend my birth, her prenatal care has just sucked. I don't trust her medically, and honestly, I think there might be a bit of personality clash if I was really "myself" at visits. The few times I have tried to speak up about things I disagree with, I was made to feel like a terrible person. It feels like there's a balance missing.


How can she be a great person to attend your birth if you don't trust her medically and don't feel like you can be yourself around her?

 

post #25 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~pi View Post

 


How can she be a great person to attend your birth if you don't trust her medically and don't feel like you can be yourself around her?

 


this was my thought reading this thread. Are you sure you think she'd be great? I mean, if anything, you need to feel like you can trust her judgment then.

 

post #26 of 30
Thread Starter 
Obviously, I am a worrier and I think that I might panic/choke when the time comes. Her tendency to take the noninvasive, minimalist approach to things, while not reassuring to me from a medical sense, makes perfect sense to me in something totally natural that's been overmedicalized - birth. I feel that she is the perfect person to have there if I start to doubt what my body can do during labor. However, I wouldn't want her reading my MRI or trying to diagnose me with cancer - does that make sense?

If I get reassured that everything is ok with baby and me (no risks or abnormalities), than I totally trust her experience and judgment in the birthing process. They seemed to have their act together on Friday though, so we think we're sticking it out. All of my labs were fine, my ultrasounds were both fine, and all seems to be well. They just expect me to be big and potentially have a big baby (I was over 9lb myself).

I think I need to let go of a lot of things. I tend to get really stressed and worked up about things I can't control, and I have 16 weeks to realize that I can't plan and control every aspect of this experience. One way or another, it is going to happen, and I just need to relax. I had already came to that conclusion about the birth (not planning the experience = no disappointment if plans don't work out), but I need to realize the whole process has and will be that way. Not easy for my Type A personality, but I'm working on it. I have a very mellow, encouraging husband who has been calming me down along the way, and I am very thankful.
post #27 of 30

Ah, gotcha. Good thing she is a midwife and not a radiation oncologist, then. winky.gif

 

In all seriousness, glad to hear you are finding some clarity here and are feeling better about everything. It's important to feel comfortable with the person attending your birth. That's great that your DH is so helpful, too.

 

One thing to keep in mind that might be helpful, perhaps, is that overmedicalization of birth starts with overmedicalization of pregnancy. So the quality that you value about her when it comes to birth might also be what is being expressed in the events that bothered you in pregnancy. Just a thought that may or may not help. Feel free to ignore, of course.

 

Wishing you good relaxing!

post #28 of 30
Thread Starter 
No, it definitely helps. That's what I'm slowly realizing. I think I was just so shocked that I actually got pregnant that I've spent this whole pregnancy unable to truly enjoy it. I keep waiting for something to be wrong. That mindset is taking me in the wrong direction from how I want things to go.
post #29 of 30

I think you'll be fine. Its true, you can't plan the birth, you control it... nobody can. In fact, we all know that this is the mindset that leads to way too much intervention (when labor and birth don't follow the protocols/schedules/expectations). As you are well aware, even with all the prenatal screening... well, as my MW for #2 said, tests can find things that are there, can miss things that are there, and can find things that are not there... pregnancy, birth, and really all of life, are not predictable. OTOH, have you asked them what happened with the U/S results and why things are falling through the cracks like this? While not uncommon, it still shouldn't be happening. Suggests some overscheduling on the part of the providers, or maybe some weak point in their communication...

post #30 of 30

DDCC.  But I saw this in new posts, and I had to tell you that with my first pregnancy, I switched providers at about 32 weeks.  Its can (and should) be done if your not happy.  Best decision I ever made. 

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