I'm struggling with how I want to reply or even if I want to reply. Maybe I'm being overly literal. I know this was supposed to be kind of a light hearted thread? But it just makes me feel dark. My mom straight beat my brother and I, usually with stick and hangers, ocassionally with a belt or her own hands. She did all kinds of other really screwed up violent and mean things to us too. And she didn't do it because she was an intrinsically bad person, but because she was struggling, and kind of broken, and she didn't have the tools or the upbringing or family help or situation to help her do otherwise. She eventually did a little better. Sometimes she still does worse. I don't talk to her right now because she currently seems to want to offer up more violence for my daughter to see. Maybe some day in the future I'll be able to set boundaries that allow us to see her. Or maybe not. Maybe we will never see her again.
But I don't want to make fun of her. And if my brother were to say to me (and he might), "Mom hit us, and we turned out fine," I'd want to love him more. Not make fun of him for how stupid and unaware he was. Not even on the internet.
6:41 pm edit for a little clarity: I actually do think I turned out alright, all things considered, even though I won't choose the same path for raising my own child. I am in therapy so that I will learn better ways of dealing with stress and conflict. I wasn't trying to raise sympathy for myself. I wasn't really clear, I guess, but the dark feeling I got was because I was a little uncomfortable with the tone of sarcasm in the OP, which felt anything but like compassion for a person who might say, "My parents hit me and I turned out fine, so it must be ok." I guess I can easily imagine what it would be like to be a person who might say something like that because before I had my daughter, I was a person who said things like that.
I guess the idea that this is a logic failure for people who have direct experience with being hit as a child is sort of jarring. (I mean obviously this is not about logic. This is about your parents. This is about emotions and patterns set in childhood. This is about what most people consciously or not experience as the foundations of their beings. A PP nailed it.) And then - there's my DP whose parents spanked (not beat) him and his siblings. And they did it largely without the scary out of control emotional component. He is completely on board with my "no-hitting thing" and is the gentlest guy I know. He is that "playful parent" - that "gentle discipline" dad - but he's never read a parenting book. But he also says he thinks he turned out fine. I won't hold him in contempt just because he doesn't want to see what his parents did as wrong, and I won't see what my parents did as right. And a lot of that is a difference of degrees between what his parents did and what mine did, but a lot is probably also a difference in personality between him and I. I don't know if I can really say what I am trying to say so I will stop now and tend to dinner. :)
Edited by cyclamen - 6/22/11 at 4:36pm