Grandparenting a micro preemie

[grammykate]

My daughter gave birth at 27 weeks to a 2.3 lbs little girl. She is now 16 months old, is about 20 lbs , and has no health concerns that I am aware of her having . She seems perfectly fine developmentally and extremely healthy. My daughter on the other hand seems to use as an excuse that because my granddaughter is a micro preemie, even at 16 months, she is very vulnerable to people touching her, being in the child's immediate personal space, or bringing her to group/family events and won't allow the child the benefit of socializing with others. Is this an excuse or a legitimate concern for the baby. My daughter becomes upset because family members and friends feel my daughter is overreacting and seeking attention for herself and the baby. Help!

[KCMichigan]

Originally Posted by grammykate 

My daughter gave birth at 27 weeks to a 2.3 lbs little girl. She is now 16 months old, is about 20 lbs , and has no health concerns that I am aware of her having . She seems perfectly fine developmentally and extremely healthy.

Is she healthy because your daughter takes precautions?? I know that my girls were fairly healthy but when they DID get sick it always resulted in a hospital stay until about age 3. We kept their exposure to a minimum from birth to age 3 during cold/flu season. Both DDs have asthma--- though from age 0-3 they thought they *may* outgrow it, they have not yet at age 5.

At age 0-4 it was scary when they would get sick, we often were hospitalized or on house arrest per Dr. Between bouts of illness, though they were healthy kiddos that were fairly on target (they both did have some gross motor and other mild delays).

Just because she 'seems' fine does not mean that your daughter is not acting correctly. Our Dr and specialists had use do certain things that a full-term baby/toddler would not (no daycare, no public classes when young, etc).

We were very routine in our schedule to help our DDd grow and stay healthy. We limited food choices to maximize weight gain, and in the winter/fall limited social groups to help their lungs stay healthy and to help them maintain weight.

My daughter on the other hand seems to use as an excuse that because my granddaughter is a micro preemie, even at 16 months, she is very vulnerable to people touching her, being in the child's immediate personal space, or bringing her to group/family events and won't allow the child the benefit of socializing with others. Is this an excuse or a legitimate concern for the baby. My daughter becomes upset because family members and friends feel my daughter is overreacting and seeking attention for herself and the baby. Help!

Dh and I - too- were cautious on people touching our kiddos at that age (and younger). Simply, if they were healthy enough to go to social events, we wanted them to STAY healthy.

Also one of our DD 'seemed' developmentally normal, but really did have sensory and social delays. We limited her social interactions to make sure she was not overstimulated. Result was she seemed 'less fussy',  but a lot of it was how DH and I approached it (making sure her environment fit her needs).

If you have not had a preemie....honestly it is emotionally hard and it can have lasting effects. As a parent- your daughter may be following advice of pediatricians that are familiar with preemies and development. NICU is hard and so very very complicated. Our girls came home on medications and were attached to monitors---that is nothing like a full-term babe.

Your granddaughter is a preemie and with that comes a bit more precautions and limitations to give her every chance available to grow up healthy and strong. We were told that preemies often will not have the mature immune systems (and other development) caught up to age 3---which we found to be true for our family. Almost all our 'preemie' concerns were gone by age 3--- though both my DD do have lingering preemie affects, the fact of them getting sick no longer results in hospital stays.

As a grandparent----the most I could  have asked from my DDs grandparents was support and understanding. Yes, we did things a bit differently than we would have if our DDs had been fullterm (strict rules on illness and exposure, not taking them to germy places for two years, not taking our infants out and about town, etc), had many many more Dr appointments, and also had specific feeding/sleeping/eating routines that a full-term baby may not have.

Yes, at times some of my DDs grandparents thought we were being 'silly' and 'overprotective'...but we were following our Pediatricians orders and the suggestions of multiple specialists to make sure that we did everything we could to help them catch up with their full-term peers.

I would support your DD- even if you dont agree, and make sure that relatives are aware that parenting a preemie is a different experience than they may have to to allow your daughter to do what she (and her Drs ) feel what is best for your granddaughter. Enjoy your granddaughter and let your daughter do as she sees fit---, it is not overprotective of a parent to be wary & cautious for a 16 month old given your granddaughters early start in life.

[maryeliz]

Well, if you and other family members are minimizing her concerns about her baby's health, she may feel like she can't trust you to make good choices around the baby.  People who don't acknowledge that preemies (even seemingly healthy ones) have weaker immune systems than other babies may not take basic precautions like staying home from a family event if you are sick (even a little bit sick, or almost better), or washing hands before touching the baby.  My family members have been really good and respectful about this stuff, if they hadn't been I would have been much more nervous about having my baby around them.

Being the parent of a preemie (even a healthy one) can be really stressful.  I'm sure your daughter would really appreciate it if you could be supportive of her choices and realize that this baby may need to be treated differently than other children in your family. 

[HappyMommy2]

Do this, for everything!!!!!!!!!!!  

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCMichigan 

I would support your DD- even if you dont agree,

[CGsMom]

Grammykate, I totally get your concern.  It makes sense to want your granddaughter to have all the normal experiences a baby "should" have.  It also makes sense that you would want your daughter to enjoy motherhood without the added worry of caring for a micro-preemie, but those weren't the cards you were dealt.

My DD was born at 27 weeks at 2 pounds 2 ounces and she has been as healthy as you could expect a child to be that starts out that way.  She is now 19 months actual and is still healthy most of the time, save for a cold or bug once in awhile.  I am cautious of touching and socializing and my family has supported that.  In fact, not a person walks into this house that doesn't go straight to the bathroom to wash their hands. 

I can't help but think I would get upset too, if family and friends were accusing me of seeking attention at the expense of my daughter.  If it is frustrating you, talk to her about it.  Chances are, you will start to see more clearly why she is doing what she is doing.

[Chalupa]

Hello,

My grandaughter was born at 26.5 weeks weighing 1 pound 10 ounces. She is currently 15 months and we are blessed that she is a healthy and happy litlle girl.  She adores being around people and is developing her social skills in doing so.  When she was younger we did limit her social encounters but now she enjoys going out and exploring. She is very inquisitive and loves sitting watching people.   Last weekend we went to the local berry farm and she had her first swing ride and loved it. Needless to say we wiped down the swing before and baby wiped her afterwards.

As a micro preemie these children are not in day care situations and are really isolated from others to a certain extent. Using good hand hygiene and avoiding relatives who are sick makes sense but allowing her the normal exposures is good for her socially.  I recently had a two week bout of sinus infection and was definitely not around the baby...this killed me and I was so glad that I was able to have her over on Mother's day where we played and had a great day.

She also particpated in the recent March for Babies walk and loved the interactions she had with other babies as well.  I really hope your daughter allows her to interact more and as the NICU team recommended early on...treat her as you would any other child.

Cindy