I don't know where my daughter is

[mamazee]

She was bored earlier, so I told her to go outside and find someone to play with. I assume she did, because she didn't come home. I don't know who she's playing with, whose yard, or if she's in someone's house, or out in the woods. I'm not sure when she'll be home but I assume before too much longer because she'll get hungry. I'm sure she didn't leave the neighborhood because she understands that is her boundary. I know all of our neighbors and have their phone numbers and could call around and find her if I wanted her. She is 9.

Would that freak you out? How free range are you?

[Drummer's Wife]

How long has she been gone?  I would call the neighbors, personally, but then my kids don't go anywhere without me knowing first (ie we are going across the street to play at so-and-so's house).  Plus my DD who is a yr older than yours carries a cell phone. 

Obviously every kid/neighborhood/situation is different, but if you are feeling any sense of panic/concern, I would figure out where she went. 

[Alyantavid]

Well it would make me think a bit.

My 9 year old regularly goes out to play by himself.  But we live in the country with a fairly busy road nearby.  He knows the boundaries and I trust him to stick with them (he always has) but I do still listen for him and if I go by the window, I'll look out to see what he's doing.  I do give him a time to be back though.

[mamazee]

I'm not concerned, but I am starting to get hungry for dinner.

[HollyBearsMom]

How long has it been?  We are pretty free range but my son (also nine) usually checks in once he has plan in place.  So if I send him outside and he hears our (far away) neighbor he will yell in that he is heading to H's house.  Or he might might yell in that he going to hang out on the front porch or take his scooter behind the barn. So if I sent him outside to play and didn't hear from him for an hour I would start a *minor* freak and call around. 

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

I'm not concerned, but I am starting to get hungry for dinner.

Ha, just saw this.  I would call around, my stomach waits for no one!

[mamazee]

She came home and we ate.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

She came home and we ate.

[mattemma04]

I would never send my dd out alone.Rare kids disappear,but it does happen every day and I prefer not to deal with that.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by mattemma04 

I would never send my dd out alone.Rare kids disappear,but it does happen every day and I prefer not to deal with that.

At nine? What age would you allow your child outside unattended?

[AllyRae]

Originally Posted by Polliwog 

At nine? What age would you allow your child outside unattended?

Unattended and not knowing where your child is at are two different things.  Playing outside is one thing.  Having your child gone and not having a general idea of where she went is quite another.  I'm all about letting your child explore, but I draw the line at not letting me know the general direction.  For one, if there was an emergency (a true emergency--kidnapping, rape, serious injury), having absolutely no way to know where to send help would kill some serious time.  I'm all about letting older kids go out, but my kids, when they are older, better either a) check in once they get to where they are going or b) tell me what the plan is ("I plan to play in the woods, and then head into town with a couple friends and walk around" or something...not concrete minute by minute plans, but a general idea of where she'll be...it sure would help narrow down the possibilities in an emergency.)  Then again, I don't randomly leave the house without telling at least one person the general plans in case of emergency as well (something as simple as 'I'm headed out grocery shopping and to get a cup of chai....be back in a few hours.").

[BroodyWoodsgal]

We live in the middle of the woods, no roads or neighbors....just bears, etc (haha, just kidding, we haven't seen a bear in a while).

My kids are 3 and 19 months and they spend a lot of time outside fairly unsupervised. There is just nowhere for them to go but the woods. I can hear them playing wherever they are and when I stop hearing them can glance at a window (we have a VERY open floor plan and lots of windows, I can see most almost anywhere in the yard from almost anywhere in the house!). They mainly hang out by the chicken coop and wait for eggs! They are extremely patient, until they here the first cluck of an "egg song" - at which point they are in there, looking to see which nest and kicking hens off if they have to, to get to the eggies so they can bring them back to me!

I catch a lot of flack for the "free range-iness" of my parenting and I may not be so free range with the 19 month old if it weren't for my INCREDIBLE 3 year old...but they stick together like glue. She enjoys being (as she puts it) "the leader of the son" - and he enjoys following her around and listening to her chatter. So they mostly pull the wagon around and collect rocks and flowers, hang around waiting for eggs and feed the animals. They have chores that they do together (rather, DD has chores that DS tags along for) and they are really really happy when they are outside.

I can't be a hover mom, it's why we moved to the middle of nowhere. The only thing you can see around my house, is the little clearing we live in and the edge of the forest around it. By listening to the signing and talking of the children, the different clucks and calls of the chickens and the dogs grunts and whining, I know whats going on in my yard at all times.

A day will soon come when I feel comfortable NOT hearing them. My DD (without the "son") is already comfortable going to the furthest edge of the clearing, just inside the woods, to sit on her favorite rock and draw by herself. I can just barely make her out and she knows she has to be sitting on the rock in order for me to see her...I can't wait for her to be big enough to go into the woods to find things and bring them back for me. That'll be really awesome.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by AllyRae 

Unattended and not knowing where your child is at are two different things.  Playing outside is one thing.  Having your child gone and not having a general idea of where she went is quite another.  I'm all about letting your child explore, but I draw the line at not letting me know the general direction.  For one, if there was an emergency (a true emergency--kidnapping, rape, serious injury), having absolutely no way to know where to send help would kill some serious time.  I'm all about letting older kids go out, but my kids, when they are older, better either a) check in once they get to where they are going or b) tell me what the plan is ("I plan to play in the woods, and then head into town with a couple friends and walk around" or something...not concrete minute by minute plans, but a general idea of where she'll be...it sure would help narrow down the possibilities in an emergency.)  Then again, I don't randomly leave the house without telling at least one person the general plans in case of emergency as well (something as simple as 'I'm headed out grocery shopping and to get a cup of chai....be back in a few hours.").

This makes a lot of sense to me...I would never leave the house even just to go down the road for a minute and not say something. I would definitely say something if I planned to actually go somewhere for a while. I don't even think of emergencies so much as courtesy to others!

[mamazee]

If there had been an emergency, it wouldn't have taken that long to find her.

[MittensKittens]

Time to buy her a cellphone? Then next time you could just call her to find out how she is. 

[mamazee]

I don't feel like I need to know exactly where she is all the time. I knew she was playing in the neighborhood with friends, and I know who her friends are, and that really is enough information for me.

[mamalisa]

Originally Posted by MittensKittens 

Time to buy her a cellphone? Then next time you could just call her to find out how she is. 

My ds is given a pretty wide range as long as he has his phone with him.  I can easily text and ask where he is and he answers almost right away.  It works because he has the freedom he wants, within reason and I don't have to worry much because he can be reached almost instantly if I need to reach him.  I do my best not to worry when he's off wandering with his friends but it can be hard.  I know he's safe, I know he knows the rules, but it's still hard to let them go. 

[Mrs. Bratton]

Originally Posted by AllyRae 

 Then again, I don't randomly leave the house without telling at least one person the general plans in case of emergency as well (something as simple as 'I'm headed out grocery shopping and to get a cup of chai....be back in a few hours.").

What about when no one is home? I never thought about that but I am very spur of the moment and my husband is rarely home during the day. I usually have no idea where he is b/c he is self employed and usually is running lots of random errands. When I leave the house I never think to call him and tell him where I go. Now that I think about it we don't know where the other is 90% of the time.
 

[funkymamajoy]

I remember being pretty free range when I was a child but my mom always had a general idea of where we were and who were playing with. I wouldn't be comfortable having no idea whatsoever where my children were.

[Amys1st]

I know 99% of my neighbors and we have a very walk friendly neighborhood so its pretty easy to find them. I also have a newly minted 9 yr old plus her 5 yr old younger sister who has more freedom than my first being the 2nd child who gets to tag along most days.

I ask the kids to check in if they have a change in venue but other than that, its pretty free range within reason.