My husband has a 17 year old daughter who is very angry/jealous about the new baby. He hasn't seen her in a very long time, now...thanks to my suggestions she is coming to visit us for a week. I don't really know how to deal with this. He had her very young, and hasn't had Any interaction over the last few years due to issues with the mom. Basically, I am feeling way too pregnant for all this! I want her to like me, but I don't feel up to dealing with a teenager. My kids are still young, ages 5 and 9. Any suggestions?
First, have compassion for where she's coming from and before you get offended by anything try to see it from her perspective.
Second, let any discipline be handled by your DH because it will be easier for them to mend their relationship than for your stepdaughter and you to mend yours. If you see something that he needs to handle, be patient until you have time alone with him to talk about it as long as no one is in serious, immanent danger.
Third, you sound like an awesome stepmom to get the ball rolling on the part of your DH!
So try, even though you're tired and pregnant, to keep in mind why you pursued this. What an amazing and unusual person you must be to try to help their relationship grow.
Why is this a rant when you are the one who suggested it? I guess I don't understand why you would do that and complain about it?
I would not expect her to like you or your kids. She's 17. Hasn't had contact with her Dad. He has a new family. She's going to be pissed I would bet. In all honestly, I wonder if you and your kids should kind of stay in the wings while they work on things. Giving them space to figure things out and letting her come around when she is ready seems to be what I hear need to happen.
I thought this was a space we could all rant about frustrating stuff! I can't exactly hide. I just bought us a very small house, I am a stay at home mom. His daughter is going to have to share a bedroom with my kids while she is here...again a very small living space. I guess I just hope she is nice to us.
Give them some time to get to know each other and don't be too offended if she does'nt fall head over heels in love with all of you right off.
This is going to be a big step for her spending time with a Dad and his new family when she has'nt seen him for so long.
My advice, give it time.
I would guess because she is 'doing the right thing' by encouraging her dh to spend time with his daughter... but doing the right thing isn't always the easy thing ;) So yeah I am sure I would feel the same way as her if I was in her shoes!
Mountainmama- I think you got a lot of good advice. Maybe expect the worst that way you won't be disappointed but maybe pleasantly surprised!!! Is there anyway to have your kids share a room so she can have her own space while visiting? I don't know how old all the kids are in the house, or if its doable, but it might be worth exploring.