Almost desperate! Advice PLEASE!

[bella99]

I have an almost 5 month old and a 2.5 year old.

The 2.5 year old has been learning to use the potty since October.  Up until recently, during the day she was more or less always using the potty for peeing and pooping.  In fact, about 3-4 weeks ago, we stopped prompting her to use the potty regularly and waited for her to tell us she had to go.  And she did.  She would be playing outside by herself and would come inside to use the potty.  We were so proud of her (and telling her this every time).  We continued with a reward system, especially since she was making slow but steady progress in being comfortable pooping in the potty.  And then last week she started randomly peeing at home or in public, it didn't matter (she's NEVER had an accident in public).  We'll ask her if she has to go sometimes and she says no and then pees.  In public, she will say she has to go to the potty and then change her mind, and pee in the middle of wherever we are.  I was worried she might have a UTI, although there weren't any symptoms she was in pain and said no when I asked (although I know she's not the most reliable reporter).  But here's the kicker:

Every Tuesday and Thursday she goes to daycare where she is in the room with the older toddlers (3-4 year olds).  Her sister DOES NOT attend this, and she is still dry all day, not one accident.  In fact, it's been months since she's had an accident there.

What gives?  I know that this is mostly likely a response to her sister, especially since the baby has started to become mobile and much more interactive with us.  I don't know what to do to reassure her and to make her feel less threatened.  I do not want to put her back in diapers for a couple of reasons, one of which is that SHE doesn't want to be in diapers, but I also don't want my house smelling like urine or to have her peeing in the middle of restaurants.

What do we do?

[lifeguard]

Are you still using a reward system? Could you change it up with something new to make it exciting again. We only did the reward system briefly when we started pling & then pulled it out again for a week when we had a regression & that helped.

I am finding that ds (same age) is reacting better & better to "talks". I sit down with him quietly (at a time that is not near what I want to discuss) & simply say "ok ds, we have a problem. How can we fix it?" He doesn't contribute much or seem to really absorb much but it still seems to have a positive impact. I keep it short & light & with a theme of "let's solve this together".

Otherwise you will likely need to start carrying extra clothes again & watching her more closely for signs she needs to go. Maybe even escorting her to the bathroom at regular intervals even if she isn't indicating yes.

[bella99]

We've discussed using a new reward, something to get her interested again in wanting to use the potty.  Right now she gets two m&m's or jelly beans for peeing and a frozen stonyfield farm yogurt tube for pooping, because in the past, she's had a lot of anxiety about pooping in the potty.  We've also thought about buying her a new potty.

Taking her to the potty at regular intervals would work if she would go, but she is a very willful and stubborn child and will not go if she isn't interested.  It's actually why we stopped prompting her, because every time it was ending up into a battle, and just wasn't worth it.  She responded really well to that, but we continued praising her every time she went.

Sometimes she doesn't give any indication she has to go, and sometimes she will hold herself and we will bring her to the bathroom and she'll go.

[Nicole730]

I'd say find a reward that she will like and also take her to the potty at more regular intervals.  My son has been using the potty for about a year now (he turned 3 in April).  He still goes through times where he needs that extra incentive.  Oh and he definitely has developed more awareness of his sister as she's gotten older.  We had no "sibling rivalry" until my daughter started crawling and cruising and actually wanting to play with toys.  I'm sure that is part of the regression.