Weaning when what you wanted was "child led weaning"

[tibeca]

I am heart broken and distraught. I am currently tandem nursing our 3 year old and 6 month old. During my pregnancy, I dealt with horribly intense nursing aversion with DD1 and it just won't go away. I nursed through pregnancy telling myself the feelings would fade, but instead they have gotten more intense each day. I wanted so much to let DD1 choose when she was done, but I can't take it anymore.

I am fairly certain she doesn't know how I feel. I have done a pretty good job hiding it, but most days I am so ready to explode that I am afraid it will show in other ways. We have weaned over the past 6 mos down to just 1 nursing a day. I had hoped that less demands on me, would make it better. That maybe I just needed time, but today I wanted to cry when she asked to nurse. I knew it would result in me limiting her to only a few minutes and then having to get up to shake off the feeling.

I know this is okay. I can't say how many times I've written on someone else's post that it is okay to wean, that we have to do what is right for ourselves and our families. But that doesn't make it any easier to be the one in this situation. I don't even know how to get rid of the last nursing.

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, I guess i just needed to vent.

[dejagerw]

You should be proud that you were able to nurse you daughter for 3 years! You have truly given her a great gift, even if it's not ending the way you had originally planned :)

[thelocknestmother]

I could have almost written your post...DD will be four in July and DS is 14 months...Nursing aversion while pregnant, didn't resolve with DS's birth, still strong aversion, feels more intense lately, even though only nursing twice a day for at most 5 minutes...Have hid my feelings pretty well...Really want her to self-wean, but feeling more and more like I am ready to just be done...but sad all the while.  And yes...I can easily tell you that nursing is for when both mother and child feel good about it, and if momma ain't happy something needs to change...but as far as following that myself..ha! I keep on saying just one more month, or one more year....I mean, I can do anything I put my mind to, but just wish I either didn't have the nursing aversion OR that DD would self-wean...So HUGS!!! to you from another momma who knows...