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New here and in the midst of coming out!!

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 

Hi everyone,


I'm a 24 year old mama of a four year old, been in a relationship with her dad the past five years that is now ending and I'm on my way out of the closet!! I'm moving out in two weeks and I'm both terrified and so excited and happy. 


I'm also writing a blog about my experiences- saschasullivan.wordpress.com


I've been a subscriber to mothering for years and am really excited to take part in this community now. Can't wait to chat with you all and would love some advice for navigating the queer world as a single, lesbian mom who is still partially closeted! I am out to my ex and therapist but no family so far. 

Edited by saschasullivan - 6/27/11 at 8:45pm
post #2 of 8
Hi, and welcome! orngbiggrin.gif I don't have any advice, but I bet someone here will. It sounds like it is a very exciting time in your life right now!
post #3 of 8
Thread Starter 

Thanks and yes it is!! 


I feel like it will be more exciting once I come out of the closet completely. I feel like I'm closer to being who I really am, but I imagine that once I'm fully out to my family I will feel a lot more excited and relieved. 



post #4 of 8

Welcome, Sascha ... I just read a book that you might be interested in:  Dear John, I Love Jane.  It's essays by woman who've left relationships with men to be with women.  Hope you like hanging around here! 

post #5 of 8

Congratulations to the huge life changes!  I started coming out when I was 15, and yes, it continues every day of my life.  Even though I'm sure they knew a long time ago, I only came out to my grandparents a couple years ago.  Just remember to breathe and play your cards carefully.  It is so exciting and you want to share it all with everyone all at once, but you need to step back and see it from their perspective before rushing into it.  Think about the best and worst ways it could go with the people who are important to you and how their reactions would impact you.  Then, throw that all out because you really never know how people will react!  Think about the way in which it will be best to communicate it with each person.  It might be easier and better for you and them to do things in writing, but for others, face to face will be better route.  Good luck on every step of this new journey!


As for "Dear John, I love Jane," I am so glad you recommended it!  Not only is it an awesome book by an awesome publisher, but my friend Michelle contributed a story.  She is an inspiring woman and has a very unique situation.  I'm glad to see it's reached you in Canada!

post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 

Haha! I saw that book at the book store a few weeks ago! Maybe now I will go back and get it!


And Jennp85, thanks so much for the advice. Part of me is so excited and anxious to be fully out of the closet- its going to feel sooo great. But at the same time there are a few people for which I am very scared to tell. 


I am happy to say though that a few days ago I was only out to my ex and therapist, and this weekend I came out to one of my friends!! It went so well. I was so nervous even though I knew she'd be okay with it, but she was the first person I've told really. I'm pretty sure she must have known already and sensed I might want to tell her because she suddenly started talking about gay issues with me, and so then I just said "you should know the reason Ben and I are divorcing is because I'm gay." 




I'm planning on coming out to another one of my friends tomorrow, and then hopefully to one of the women at my daughters' school who is gay too... I think it might be good to talk to another gay lady. 


And then after that, the plan is my mom on Thursday... I know all of these people will take it well. My mom asked me a few months ago if I was gay and I wasnt ready so I said no, but then she said that if I was she'd be okay with it. 

post #7 of 8

sascha: how did telling your friend today go? I found when I was coming out that it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. And now I find it even easier. I dunno if I look really 'gay' or not, but I am finding now that no one really cares at all. 


I wish you luck in your coming out. The women on here are wonderful and full of knowledge. Welcome and we are all here for you! 

post #8 of 8
Thread Starter 

It went great, although it was awkward. I knew she'd be okay with it- she is very supportive of the gay community. But its still hard for me even if I know they will be accepting. They've thought of me as straight all these years, coming over to dinner parties with me and my husband, so coming out after all this time feels a little weird.


But yeah it was great and it feels amazing. I have a hard time opening up to people in general, and for some reason I thought telling my friends would make our friendship more awkward. But it definitely has made us closer now I realize because its out in the open. I will feel so relieved when I'm not keeping it from anyone anymore and I can just be myself. 

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